I’m tired of losing…

Late last night I posted about my epiphany and how I think I’d lost some friends because of that Last Guy… Today, I need to write a very short (for me) follow up about it, because it hurts. Because I’m frustrated, and since there are several people who aren’t speaking to me, I have nowhere else to vent it but on here.

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Emotional Roller Coaster

It’s not even been 72 hours since I was made aware of my relationship blunder, and already my heart and head have run the gambit.

For those of you who know me, you know I’m a big believer in signs, and several things have popped up lately to make me think I should have seen this coming. But even as I start to dwell on that, I’ll spot something on Facebook or Instagram that makes me think that I’m stupid for believing such a thing. Meanwhile my friends are there telling me to relax because while it was a rather big blunder, it’s also very obvious (to them… I’m not so sure) that things will work out positively.

And all in the middle of it all, several of the guys from my past have shown up almost as if the universe is testing me.

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relationship doesn't mean what you think it means

Day 27: The Last Time I Cried

There’s a reason why I avoid romance movies and novels. Actually, there’s probably more than one reason why I avoid them, but mostly I avoid them because they either make me feel like I’m going to be alone forever because I cannot find a love like that, or they have their own tragic sad ending, reinforcing that even when a person finds love the universe is too heartless to let that beauty and love exist. Then I get filled with a sense of sadness, and, if left unchecked, I can start crying at the drop of a hat for a few days afterward.

For example, it was a romance movie that caused me to cry last. I watched The Best of Me last night with my roommate and by the end of the movie we were both blubbering.  (There will be spoilers, so you may want to skip this post if that’s an issue for you.) Continue reading