Healing Takes Time

I’ve bounced back and forth on this issue a bit. When things fell apart with the last guy, I felt like I had to hurry up and get over it because he had warned that it was most likely going to be temporary, but I had hoped that he could be swayed because of how he seemed to feel about me.

I had promised him that it wouldn’t bother me if it was temporary, and on some level it didn’t. It was the end of an experience, and thus end of story.

On the other hand, he didn’t respect or understand or even care about how I felt about the situation. He couldn’t see it from my point of view and let me know rather quickly that my point of view was completely irrelevant to his life, or at the least to his decision making process. Because that has been a regular theme in my relationships with men, it became something I fixated on, and thus what could have been a relatively quick ending was dragged out for me emotionally.

We won’t even get into the physical loss that was attached to the whole mess…

When a friend of mine posted something on Facebook that felt a little too close to home, it made me realize a few things:

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How This Aspie Sees The World (and how it relates to my recent dating debacle)

I wish I could say this was some deep, philosophical rant about the recent events that have been all over the news and my Facebook feed, but it’s not. I’ll probably keep those for another day, but I may touch on them a little bit, because I do think I have an interesting point to make coming from an Aspie perspective, and, as I’m finding out the more I look into things, since my “thing” is literature and stories in general (like the format, and archetypes, not just ANY story…wait… oh, it’s complicated), I have a unique ability to express myself better than some other Aspies I’ve encountered or read about.

It seems that I have a unique ability to look at things from someone else’s point of view, which is inherently not-Aspie-like, but I can do it because basically everyone I meet is a character, and my literary analysis skills help me to identify motives and hard things like sub-text…or at least how it would work in the movies.

It’s how I interact with the world. Everything and everyone is a character or prop in a play or movie that I’m starring in.

Like in the Movie Hero

What makes you happy?

The smell of sandalwood and rose petals is a favorite of mine. Not because it smells good, which it really does, but because it makes me think of a dear friend of mine who used to draw a bath for me on my bad days, when I thought the world must be ending and I was so overwhelmed but I didn’t understand what was happening. He would add sandalwood oil to the water and sprinkle fresh rose petals on the top, while surrounding the tub with candles and playing Enya or Enigma on the cd player.

To this day the smell of sandalwood can calm me like nothing else.

It’s a small thing, but it’s important every now and then to touch base with the things that make us happy. 

The Beginning of Something Beautiful

Last night was my first Twitter Chat. If you missed it, I am very sorry, but we had a heck of a good time without you.

But I hope you’ll make it to the next one!

Was it as massive as something like the #Spoofchat that I go to on Wednesdays? No, but I wouldn’t have been able to handle one with so very many people! Not my first time… You have to ease me into that. Be gentle; I’m fragile. 

What’s the Difference?

Social Media has helped me to meet all sorts of new people. One of which is an amazing poet who has several of his poems posted as audio over at Audioboom. He and I spoke about my situation with the Bartender, and the next day he posted this poem about loving someone and it being your breaking point; about being in love versus loving someone.

How soon is too soon?

Yesterday I shared that there have been others since the Bartender already. Nothing serious… though my admirer, married guy number 5, speaks very seriously of possessing me.

Like I said yesterday, it’s not likely I’ll ever meet him, but it is nice to be noticed from time to time.

Speaking of, obviously I’m back on Tinder again. The Bartender has done a bit of damage. Not as much as the Boy, but enough that I’m finding my patience is very thin with some of these guys. I changed my profile to explain that it’s mandatory to actually have an intelligent conversation with me first, and then explained exactly why it would be worth their while. 

Your Fantasy Is My Reality

There’s been a thing rolling around in my brain for a little while. As I look back at my relationships, and see the patterns, I see over and over again that they are insanely short.

Like, abnormally short.

Like I’ve-had-goldfish-with-longer-attention-spans short.