Tag Archives: loss

A Big Ouch For Halloween

*This has been edited. It did not feel true or accurate in a few places. It feels better now… I think.

Well, I managed to hurt myself. I think I’ve popped a blood vessel in my eye or somesuch. I can’t get into see my eye doctor until tomorrow, but the headache has mostly dissipated, and I can open the eye, though it doesn’t seem to be self-hydrating properly…

Meanwhile, my heart hurts, too.

It’s possible the two pains may be related. I have done quite a bit of crying lately. Continue reading A Big Ouch For Halloween

Insurmountable Distance (Original Poem)

I feel your pain in your words
the words you throw at me from a distance
I cannot reach you through the miles
and the years
between us.

A younger version of
remembers a time
we could have had
if only
we had known each other
at the same season of our lives. Continue reading Insurmountable Distance (Original Poem)

A Setback.

Some of you may or may not be aware that I am currently going through a rough patch in my life. The last few years have been constant ups and downs, and there seems to never quite be a middle ground. I’m beginning to think that is just the way my life goes. After all, I have always been one of those people that feels things all the way through, and I’m not exactly good at hiding my emotions.

It’s an Aspie thing, I think.

Today, after telling several of my kiddos just yesterday that it looked like things were going to be back to normal soon, I found out that no, they aren’t… Continue reading A Setback.

Vicious Cycle

So I’m out again. Out from work, I mean. I feel helpless, and yet part of me knows exactly what is wrong, but none of me knows how to fix it.

Struggled to get to sleep last night, tripling the anti-anxiety medication that is supposed to prevent that exact problem, and then still woke up in a state of absolute panic. I was going to try to go on in to work in spite of that, and then my arm went numb. The left one. And then, because I started to panic about that, I got shaky.  Continue reading Vicious Cycle