Emotional Roller Coaster

It’s not even been 72 hours since I was made aware of my relationship blunder, and already my heart and head have run the gambit.

For those of you who know me, you know I’m a big believer in signs, and several things have popped up lately to make me think I should have seen this coming. But even as I start to dwell on that, I’ll spot something on Facebook or Instagram that makes me think that I’m stupid for believing such a thing. Meanwhile my friends are there telling me to relax because while it was a rather big blunder, it’s also very obvious (to them… I’m not so sure) that things will work out positively.

And all in the middle of it all, several of the guys from my past have shown up almost as if the universe is testing me.

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The Benefit of #Lemonade

I keep trying to tell people that I am capable of admitting when I’m wrong. Here’s me doing that. After having listened to Beyonce’s Lemonade about 3 more times, and having watched it at least 2 more times, I think I have to admit there is some benefit to it.

Do I think it is, as one author put it, a “masterpiece?”

No. For one thing, I still can’t get past how in “Don’t Hurt Yourself” she has that line that says “Who the f*ck do you think I is?”

But I can agree that it is opening the door to a really important discussion: Men’s infidelity.

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Wasted Lemons: Reflections on Lemonade

Let’s talk about the hour plus long adventure that is Beyonce’s new visual album, Lemonade (I’m watching as I write, so if this post seems a bit bipolar, that’s why). In my opinion, it’s pretty amazing… in spots…

My problem is that it seems like it might be a waste of her talent. The poetry between songs/chapters is absolutely stunning and particularly deep, and yet it seems so very out of place next to images of Queen Bey driving a monster truck over cars she’s just destroyed, and it seems so petty once you realize that this is an entire album putting her business out there for the world to realize that she was indeed cheated on by Jay-Z.

Furthermore, lines like “I plugged my menses with pages from the holy book,” don’t belong in the same universe as a line like “Who the f*ck you think I is?”

Of course, maybe that’s because Beyonce didn’t write the poetryContinue reading

The Curse of the Scorned Other Woman

Today I’m struggling with my humanity and my anger. The Bartender, in his attempt to push me away even further, has taken to being somewhat rude.

I can admit (and have done so) that I have not been behaving rationally. I am processing all of my feelings, and all the discussions, and really struggling with some of them. I needed my feelings to be validated, and to me the only way for that to happen is for him to acknowledge that I have feelings at all. When instead, he ignores that I’ve said anything, like I explained yesterday, I find myself repeating myself.

And each time I see that he’s seen my message but hasn’t responded, I get a little more anxious.

Well, that anxiety at some point yesterday turned into ire. Continue reading

JWC Day 7: 10 Songs I’m Loving Right Now

Music is a big part of who I am, but it definitely changes depending on the mood or the month… or the hour. The last time I did a blog challenge, I was definitely in a bit more of an optimistic place, where I felt like I had tons of options. Right now, I’m not exactly pessimistic, per se, just not seeing a bunch of options in general. I think my music choices of the moment kind of reflects that. Many of the songs are an attempt to be upbeat, but several of them are upbeat breakup songs. Continue reading