The thing about Spring Break is that it gives me too much time to think. In theory, this is a lovely thing! Who wouldn’t want a little extra time to sit around and contemplate the nature of life, the universe, and everything?
Good evening Rewinders! This week everything is a little wonky. Again, I didn’t get the #WriterWednesday post up on time… or at all! Again, the weekly rewind is a little late, though I promise to post before the weekend is technically over. But, hopefully, after today is done I’ll be back on track. It’s been a busy weekend!
For that matter, it’s been a relatively busy week!!
As such, the soundtrack for this week’s rewind is full of trance and dubstep.
I managed to miss the weekend coffee share. I feel a little bad about that, but I posted on the Friday before, and now it’s the Monday after and I’m posting again, so you get more, even though I forgot…
With only 2 weeks and some change until teachers have to go back, I’m trying to get back into some sort of routine. Thus far, this summer was well routined during summer school, but then I took about a week to recuperate, which was destroyed with all the guy drama, and then over a week visiting family and friends in my hometown, and I just finished a week or so of binge watching shows and eating horrible food.
And nowhere in there did I write…
So, now we’re going to try really hard to get back on track.
I’ve bounced back and forth on this issue a bit. When things fell apart with the last guy, I felt like I had to hurry up and get over it because he had warned that it was most likely going to be temporary, but I had hoped that he could be swayed because of how he seemed to feel about me.
I had promised him that it wouldn’t bother me if it was temporary, and on some level it didn’t. It was the end of an experience, and thus end of story.
On the other hand, he didn’t respect or understand or even care about how I felt about the situation. He couldn’t see it from my point of view and let me know rather quickly that my point of view was completely irrelevant to his life, or at the least to his decision making process. Because that has been a regular theme in my relationships with men, it became something I fixated on, and thus what could have been a relatively quick ending was dragged out for me emotionally.
We won’t even get into the physical loss that was attached to the whole mess…
When a friend of mine posted something on Facebook that felt a little too close to home, it made me realize a few things:
That would be an understatement.
Two mornings in a row, I got up with big plans for the day, only to be thwarted by my body, and then today I was busier than a one-armed paper-hanger!
Monday, I had a heck of a migraine, and while I tried to muscle through, it won for the first half of the day. The second half of the day, I tried to fix my car situation. This put me on the phone for a couple hours dealing with people… not fun when my brain was still aching in spots. But I thought I’d gotten it worked out, so I hopped into the rental (that’s costing me, oh, about $200 a week) and headed in the direction of where the new car should be.
So yesterday I was having a bit of an introspective moment due to all the things going on in my world (that is what this blog was designed for, after all), but I think I may have unintentionally given the wrong impression.
See, I was thinking about who I am and how things go with me. I was feeling guilty because I wasn’t where I knew I needed to be, but only because I was not ok. My feelings on what’s going on with my body at the moment are kind of a mess. I don’t know how I feel about suddenly realizing that I’ve been 4 inches too short for a long time.
And is this a thing that is fixable? I know when I do my yoga, I grow an inch or so. Is that because I’m correcting a mistake that I made in how I stand or sit? Do I even want to be that tall?
I just left the Specialist’s office. I’m not sure what to call her. I thought she was a therapist. Turns out she’s not… She wants to throw medication at me, and well, while that may help in the short run, we know that’s not going to help in the long run… Whatever she is, we had a breakthrough today! She finally heard me!