Late last night I posted about my epiphany and how I think I’d lost some friends because of that Last Guy… Today, I need to write a very short (for me) follow up about it, because it hurts. Because I’m frustrated, and since there are several people who aren’t speaking to me, I have nowhere else to vent it but on here.
I’ve bounced back and forth on this issue a bit. When things fell apart with the last guy, I felt like I had to hurry up and get over it because he had warned that it was most likely going to be temporary, but I had hoped that he could be swayed because of how he seemed to feel about me.
I had promised him that it wouldn’t bother me if it was temporary, and on some level it didn’t. It was the end of an experience, and thus end of story.
On the other hand, he didn’t respect or understand or even care about how I felt about the situation. He couldn’t see it from my point of view and let me know rather quickly that my point of view was completely irrelevant to his life, or at the least to his decision making process. Because that has been a regular theme in my relationships with men, it became something I fixated on, and thus what could have been a relatively quick ending was dragged out for me emotionally.
We won’t even get into the physical loss that was attached to the whole mess…
When a friend of mine posted something on Facebook that felt a little too close to home, it made me realize a few things:
Sometimes it takes a change of scenery to realize that your world has become out of focus. Spending the last few days at home has helped me to realize that I haven’t had my priorities 100% in the right place. I’ve been spending too much time trying to figure out what was going on with a man who didn’t even see me as a person, so I’ve let important things, like my writing, sit on the back burner.
And then I’d invite you to curl up on the couch with me while we have some soothing music in the background to help reduce my current sense of ire. Continue reading
As we celebrate the turning of the wheel and the sun coming back, so too am I back… Well, for today anyway.
It’s been a while since I wrote, and I need to vent a little bit. So, I guess I’m being a little selfish on this Solstice, but everyone deserves a moment of selfishness every once in a while. It’s been a particularly strange couple of weeks lately, and all I want right now is a stiff drink and a hot bath and maybe a Midol… or five!
Since last I wrote, the semester has finished, I’ve checked a couple of Tinderfellas off the list, made progress (sort of… maybe?) with the one Tinderfella I already knew, and, oh yeah, got rear-ended by a semi-truck.
If we were talking over coffee, this weekend we’d be sitting on the big comfy leather couch in the living room where I’m staying at the moment, talking over whichever Netflix show you’re bingewatching at the moment. For me, it’s the third season of The Fall.
This week, if we were talking over coffee, I’d tell you that nostalgia has been a major theme in my life of late. Well… if I’m honest, I’ve been going through a great deal of retrospection since the Pirate and I parted ways. Not out of any regret for the way things ended with the Pirate (though it isn’t the way I would have wanted it), but because I was blinded by exactly how many similarities there were with that situation and some of the ones from the past.
Most notably the Boy, but, as we’ve already discussed, it’s the differences in that situation that made the biggest difference to me.
I also feel that I’ve made progress as a human being simply because I was able to walk away with half the self-conflict than I felt during the situation with the Boy.
I suppose it’s that progress, along with the other personal struggles going on right now that have me feeling so nostalgic.