Weekend Coffee Share: Out of town.

If we were talking over caffeinated beverages, mine would probably be a Pepsi today. I’m home visiting my mother, who recently had surgery (and also just had her birthday on the 4th), and she’s not a coffee or a tea drinker. But, because my grandmother buys everything in bulk, the house is well stocked in Pepsi… which, if I’m honest, I have always preferred to Coke.

Shhh! Don’t tell anyone! I’m from Texas, where we don’t call it “soda” or “pop;” in Texas, you ask someone what kind of “Coke” do they want. Coke and Dr. Pepper are like the state beverages.

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Everyone has Value

Ever have one of those nights where waking up in the middle of the night solves a riddle for you? Tonight, I’m having one of those nights…

See, while I’m satisfied with the state of things, something about the whole thing has been rolling around in my brain making me less than calm, resulting in morning sickness level nausea and a weight-gaining level of cortisol flooding my blood stream… despite my prescription for an anti-anxiety medication that I have since doubled just to be able to sleep.

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The Curse of the Scorned Other Woman

Today I’m struggling with my humanity and my anger. The Bartender, in his attempt to push me away even further, has taken to being somewhat rude.

I can admit (and have done so) that I have not been behaving rationally. I am processing all of my feelings, and all the discussions, and really struggling with some of them. I needed my feelings to be validated, and to me the only way for that to happen is for him to acknowledge that I have feelings at all. When instead, he ignores that I’ve said anything, like I explained yesterday, I find myself repeating myself.

And each time I see that he’s seen my message but hasn’t responded, I get a little more anxious.

Well, that anxiety at some point yesterday turned into ire. Continue reading

Welcome to the Friendzone

Welcome to the Friend Zone!

(For those of you unfamiliar with Les Miserables, Eponine is a character who loves a guy who never even notices her until she helps introduce him to the girl he’s developed a crush on. In the end, she takes a bullet for him, and only then confesses her feelings for him.)

After a 3 hour long “five minute” conversation with the boy yesterday, I felt like crap because he basically told me he wasn’t interested in me in a romantic sense at all. At the time, because I was both ridiculously upset about that, and stressing out about Spring Break being over (seriously 2 panic attacks in the last 12 hours kind of stressed), I thought my world was ending!

I was being Friend Zoned* for sure! And I didn’t like it. I was tormenting myself with Eponine’s songs from Les Mis, while working on my lesson plans for today, weeping the whole while. The songs are really sad… Continue reading