Healing Takes Time

I’ve bounced back and forth on this issue a bit. When things fell apart with the last guy, I felt like I had to hurry up and get over it because he had warned that it was most likely going to be temporary, but I had hoped that he could be swayed because of how he seemed to feel about me.

I had promised him that it wouldn’t bother me if it was temporary, and on some level it didn’t. It was the end of an experience, and thus end of story.

On the other hand, he didn’t respect or understand or even care about how I felt about the situation. He couldn’t see it from my point of view and let me know rather quickly that my point of view was completely irrelevant to his life, or at the least to his decision making process. Because that has been a regular theme in my relationships with men, it became something I fixated on, and thus what could have been a relatively quick ending was dragged out for me emotionally.

We won’t even get into the physical loss that was attached to the whole mess…

When a friend of mine posted something on Facebook that felt a little too close to home, it made me realize a few things:

Continue reading

Advertisements

Weekend Coffee Share: Out of town.

If we were talking over caffeinated beverages, mine would probably be a Pepsi today. I’m home visiting my mother, who recently had surgery (and also just had her birthday on the 4th), and she’s not a coffee or a tea drinker. But, because my grandmother buys everything in bulk, the house is well stocked in Pepsi… which, if I’m honest, I have always preferred to Coke.

Shhh! Don’t tell anyone! I’m from Texas, where we don’t call it “soda” or “pop;” in Texas, you ask someone what kind of “Coke” do they want. Coke and Dr. Pepper are like the state beverages.

Continue reading

Everyone has Value

Ever have one of those nights where waking up in the middle of the night solves a riddle for you? Tonight, I’m having one of those nights…

See, while I’m satisfied with the state of things, something about the whole thing has been rolling around in my brain making me less than calm, resulting in morning sickness level nausea and a weight-gaining level of cortisol flooding my blood stream… despite my prescription for an anti-anxiety medication that I have since doubled just to be able to sleep.

Continue reading

The Curse of the Scorned Other Woman

Today I’m struggling with my humanity and my anger. The Bartender, in his attempt to push me away even further, has taken to being somewhat rude.

I can admit (and have done so) that I have not been behaving rationally. I am processing all of my feelings, and all the discussions, and really struggling with some of them. I needed my feelings to be validated, and to me the only way for that to happen is for him to acknowledge that I have feelings at all. When instead, he ignores that I’ve said anything, like I explained yesterday, I find myself repeating myself.

And each time I see that he’s seen my message but hasn’t responded, I get a little more anxious.

Well, that anxiety at some point yesterday turned into ire. Continue reading