Per request, I’m writing a post… since I’ve been a little AWOL lately. I was trying not to jinx things with the Knight, but turns out there wasn’t anything to jinx.
Especially when Spring Break is so close! You know that feeling, when you don’t want to do anything, and contemplate taking some time off…
I’ve bounced back and forth on this issue a bit. When things fell apart with the last guy, I felt like I had to hurry up and get over it because he had warned that it was most likely going to be temporary, but I had hoped that he could be swayed because of how he seemed to feel about me.
I had promised him that it wouldn’t bother me if it was temporary, and on some level it didn’t. It was the end of an experience, and thus end of story.
On the other hand, he didn’t respect or understand or even care about how I felt about the situation. He couldn’t see it from my point of view and let me know rather quickly that my point of view was completely irrelevant to his life, or at the least to his decision making process. Because that has been a regular theme in my relationships with men, it became something I fixated on, and thus what could have been a relatively quick ending was dragged out for me emotionally.
We won’t even get into the physical loss that was attached to the whole mess…
When a friend of mine posted something on Facebook that felt a little too close to home, it made me realize a few things:
Sometimes it takes a change of scenery to realize that your world has become out of focus. Spending the last few days at home has helped me to realize that I haven’t had my priorities 100% in the right place. I’ve been spending too much time trying to figure out what was going on with a man who didn’t even see me as a person, so I’ve let important things, like my writing, sit on the back burner.
If we were talking over caffeinated beverages, mine would probably be a Pepsi today. I’m home visiting my mother, who recently had surgery (and also just had her birthday on the 4th), and she’s not a coffee or a tea drinker. But, because my grandmother buys everything in bulk, the house is well stocked in Pepsi… which, if I’m honest, I have always preferred to Coke.
Shhh! Don’t tell anyone! I’m from Texas, where we don’t call it “soda” or “pop;” in Texas, you ask someone what kind of “Coke” do they want. Coke and Dr. Pepper are like the state beverages.
This one will be a short post. Mostly because I am at a loss for words, but partially because I am finding myself struggling to explain the entirety of the situation without looking like I’m just being petty, and there’s no need to make an awkward situation worse.
There has been a… complication… with the situation with that last guy. One of those life altering complications. And I believe that it may very well have been the Gods answering my prayer to help me see truth. I no longer have any doubt about the situation with him. No longer am I worried about his opinion.
His reaction was one that was completely heartless, with him ignoring the things he knew (or should have known because I told him) about me, and asking me to do something that would be both emotionally and physically damaging.
And it shocked me! Shocked me because it is counter to everything I thought I knew about him.
But it showed me the truth of who he was. Showed me that it is better to not have him in my life.
My eyes are open now. And I am at peace with my decision to not include him further in this.
Sadly, though, his reaction caused me a great deal of emotional stress, and my body isn’t handling it well. Hopefully a few days in the peace of my hometown (and the solitude of country life) will help put things to right and help calm my body as well as my soul.
I’m mean look at this country morning view! That is good for the soul!
This weekend, if we were sharing stories about our lives over coffee, mine would be iced, with perhaps a shot of Frangelico. This week has been rough.
School’s fine. I managed to keep things going without a copier to put worksheets together. It’s my personal life that’s in shambles a bit.