Especially when Spring Break is so close! You know that feeling, when you don’t want to do anything, and contemplate taking some time off…
So yesterday I was having a bit of an introspective moment due to all the things going on in my world (that is what this blog was designed for, after all), but I think I may have unintentionally given the wrong impression.
See, I was thinking about who I am and how things go with me. I was feeling guilty because I wasn’t where I knew I needed to be, but only because I was not ok. My feelings on what’s going on with my body at the moment are kind of a mess. I don’t know how I feel about suddenly realizing that I’ve been 4 inches too short for a long time.
And is this a thing that is fixable? I know when I do my yoga, I grow an inch or so. Is that because I’m correcting a mistake that I made in how I stand or sit? Do I even want to be that tall?
Since my accident about six weeks ago I’ve been seeing a chiropractor, and with that has come a handful of epiphanies… most of which have not exactly been pleasant.
I was on my way to work when my back started to spasm and I didn’t know what to make of it. I haven’t had any issues with my sciatica pain since I’ve been seeing the chiropractor, so I wasn’t sure what to make of it. Then again, I did have a somewhat rigorous time this weekend… There’s a new boy, not a Tinderfella, which gives me some hope, but he has given me a run for my money as he’s in quite a bit better shape than I am.
Though, as today’s epiphany shows, that might not be saying much.
Turns out, I have scoliosis….
Obviously I’ve been out of commission for a bit. I finally crashed and burned. For the first time that I can remember, Liz did not land on her feet… A friend of mine from college used to say that she thought I was blessed because I somehow always landed on my feet.
Well, I think that streak is over. It was a good long run, but, as with all good things, it had to come to an end.
That’s not to say that all is lost: Life is actually looking up for me. The job situation is quite over. With the school year wrapping up, and me still technically on medical leave, it’s time to start looking at summer jobs and to cement my plans for next year. Obviously, given the bizarre turn of events for me of late, I
probably definitely won’t be returning to the school I taught at this year. I have a few options, and I’m exploring all of them.
In other news, I have found that I have really amazing friends. While I allowed myself to fall very far down into a depressive black hole, they’ve been there to check on me, and to let me talk, even if most of my talk was just to ramble on about how little I understood about my situation. I was confused as to how it got so bad.
I’m also aware that from an outside perspective, it’s not that bad. I have a roof over my head, a family that loves me (although we don’t always know how to show it to each other), friends who are actually there for me in a crisis, and probably lots of other things that I should be thankful for.