Posted in Aspergers, Dating, Friendships, Just me, Teaching

#DSFWeeklyRewind: Christmas is so close!!

Good afternoon Weekly Rewind folks! I’m running a little late this weekend, but I’m here to rewind this week for you. For those of you who wished my week this week would be better, thank you for the sentiment, although I’m not sure if it was better.

It was kind of a toss up, with half the week being frustrating and the other half being relatively nice.

Which is an odd thing to say, given that the “nice” part of my week included starting my monthly…

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So before we begin, I have to share that I found a song I really like. It came up on Spotify as part of New Music Friday. It is probably not a school appropriate song if you listen to the lyrics, but the rhythm is fun. It’s called “I Heart Banana” by KaMillion. And I just love that the chorus has some “banana-fana-fo-fana” going on.

See? It’s cute… although, like I said, it’s really not school appropriate once you think about what banana stands for.

And that is sort of how my week has been: cute but nothing is exactly as it seems.

We had a training on Monday, so no kiddos, and the training was actually pretty useful. I know some of the ladies I work with will say it’s just too cutesy, but I taught some of the strategies with my kiddos this very week, and their final essays seem to have come out a gazillion times better than expected.

All because we did some cutesy stuff.

Then on Tuesday, I was basically told that I had to do something that two weeks prior, we had all agreed I didn’t have to do. Also, the word “overwhelmed” was thrown at me like 6 times. Everyone was worried about a change that they wanted to make because no one wanted me to get…

Overwhelmed…

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First of all, that is a word that I use as a code word for “I need some time to process.” It means that there was a lot of information thrown at me, or that I’ve been overstimulated, and I need some time to think and sort through the information that I’ve been given. Sometimes that amount of time is a few minutes, sometimes it is a few hours, and, yes, in some (very) extreme cases, it could be a week or two.

And every once in a while, when my entire world is out of sorts, and the changes keep coming at me before I’ve had time to process the last changes, it does make me fall apart.

Nearly three years ago now, I was effectively homeless, living in a hotel, unable to pay my bills, with a car that was falling apart and no idea how to get caught up and into a place of my own, and no one that I felt I could ask for help.

My struggle with executive functioning meant that I couldn’t figure out how to even begin to get out of the situation, and when people would tell me, to “simply” do whatever, I didn’t have the understanding of my own condition enough to tell them that I can’t “simply” do whatever.

Very little in my life is “simple.”

And when I did get into a place, there was still no work/life balance, and I finally found a situation that looked like it would be a good fit, and immediately the guy sold the house right out from under us. I was looking at being homeless, AGAIN, and I couldn’t figure out how to fix any of it.

THAT was an overwhelming situation.

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Last week, when the noise level was intense and I hadn’t had a single break all week, that was mildly overwhelming. I needed some quiet time, and probably should have taken a staycation in a hotel room by myself where I could just exist and not get dressed or go anywhere. Just order takeout and bring my own beverages with me so I didn’t have to deal with people for a couple of days.

But, since my roommate was sick and she stayed in her room and I stayed in mine, it was about the same. I ordered takeout a couple of times and I got my down time.

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On Tuesday, being ambushed with a change was momentarily overwhelming, but mostly just frustrating because it had already been settled.

I have a half a dozen reasons for making the decision that was already agreed upon weeks ago, but no one asked me weeks ago when I mentioned it. Weeks ago, I was prepared to have the discussion, and even tried to explain a few of my points because I think they are relevant to other teachers on the team.

No one asked. No one questioned. The only thing that was said, was “Ok, that’s understandable.” “Do what you need to for [those students].”

Then all of a sudden, on Tuesday, I was asked to defend my decision, and before I could defend it with all the reasons I had prepared weeks ago, I was told that everyone would help me to do the thing we all had already decided I wasn’t going to do… Everyone was going to help me so I didn’t get “overwhelmed…”

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This frustrated me because A) it made me feel like everyone thought I was incompetent; B) half the people using the word know what that word means to me; C) I know I’m not incompetent because every person who has come into my room has done nothing but praise my ability this year, and I’ve had ex students and students who don’t even have me coming to me for help because (and I quote) I “actually teach.”

Am I saying the other teachers don’t teach? No. I would never say such a thing. But there is something to be said when strange students are telling me that their friends tell them to come to me for help because I “actually teach.” I have students at least once a week telling me that my class goes by too fast, and thanking me for not forcing them to do the work, even though they do it anyway.

One student actually told me that was why he worked for me, because I didn’t force him to do it, but made it apparent why it was important that the work get done.

The principal came in (probably about a month or so ago) and told me he was “impressed” at how all of the kids were engaged, and “proud” to show me off to the District people. I was praised in a District-wide newsletter because of how I push my students through higher level thinking questions and cooperative group activities. The comment was made that there was “no free time” in my room. That there was always learning in my classroom: “fun learning, active learning, meaningful learning…”

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*Sigh*

I guess that it bothered me more than I realized.

So that happened on Tuesday, and after a not so great meeting (not quite one-on-one), I wrote an email explaining why I had made the decision I made, and that seems to be the end of it.

The following day, Wednesday, we found out that our principal and several key members of our administrative/support team will be moving to a different school. It is upsetting and it does lead to some big changes coming up…. Nothing too “overwhelming!”

At least, I don’t think so, but I guess we’ll see.

Thursday and Friday were full of testing… well, essay writing for the Final exam, and as I’ve already said, I have been relatively pleasantly surprised with the results.

That’s the big stuff.

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In relationship news, Mr. Second Chance is out.

After all his talk of how he was going to prove to me that he was interested in me as a person, he sent me a message about how he wanted to “breed f*ck” me, and went on about how that was kind of a “primal” fantasy of his: impregnating a woman and then continuing the *ahem* activities as she gets bigger.

Weird.

Crass.

But if it means he wants a real relationship, I want kids, so…

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But then, he went on about how he can’t wait to get into his new place so we can have daily “friend” visits.

Yes. He used the word “friend.” And when I pointed it out, his response was “Oh boy…”

You don’t “breed f*ck” a “friend.” So, I told him that I think he proved that what he wanted was just sex, and that wasn’t what I was after. Instead of acknowledging that what he said was inappropriate in anyway, or that perhaps he had spoken out of turn because maybe he was inebriated during that conversation or something, he attempted to give me a guilt trip for judging him.

And then blocked me before I could block him.

So… He’s out.

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Besides, I am talking to someone. It’s another face from the past, but one that always had potential, but neither of us was in the right place for us to really look into the possibilities. I don’t know if it will come to anything, and until I know if it will, I’m not bringing his nickname back into it. I was wrong to give Mr. Second Chance a third chance, and even more wrong to waste space writing about it here.

Plus, there are a couple of Tinderfellas and Bumble Bees, though none to really write home about. There was only one who seemed interesting, and because of a glitch, I think he’s gone already.

Really though, I’ve been too focused on work and getting ready for Christmas.

Speaking of which, I’m rocking the Christmas list this year! After everyone opens their gifts, I’ll share, because I am super proud of how I did this year!

In the meantime, hope things are going well for you! I hope the Christmas music isn’t driving you too crazy… I know it’s making me a little nutzo, and I’ll be so very glad when it’s over!

Christmas is soooo close! And I am so ready for Christmas break!

See you around the Rewind!

#DSFWeeklyRewind is a weekly linkup for Twitterites and other bloggers who want to share their week, perhaps with a dash of creativity, and some gratitude. Join us! And invite your friends! It is hosted by Tara over at Daily Smiley Face.

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Author:

High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here: http://tinyurl.com/zpyuxnk

3 thoughts on “#DSFWeeklyRewind: Christmas is so close!!

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