Weekend Coffee Share: Almost forgiven

Good afternoon! I know, I’m cutting it kind of close this weekend. It’s been busy…

Actually, that’s not true. The week was busy, but I spent almost all of yesterday in bed. I’m obviously not getting enough sleep during the week. I slept 11 hours Friday night, and then took a nap yesterday afternoon and never got out of my pajamas at all yesterday.

I have gotten stuff done today, though I haven’t left the house yet…

lifeoutside

I know, I know. I need to get out and see people. Even right now I’m procrastinating going to the grocery store.

Anyway, if we were discussing our lives over coffee and tea, mine would be a jasmine tea. I always enjoy a good jasmine tea. Not sure why. I don’t think it has a particular flavor. Must be the smell.

We’d also be, like I said, in the house still. I feel like I earned a bit of a break; the work week was busy, and a bit stressful in places.

I had been concerned about seeing my kiddos after Hurricane Harvey finally went on it’s way. It’s been a couple of weeks now and there is still a ton of construction going on near the school where I teach. The little bar/pub that some of us sometimes use for happy hour was apparently completely underwater at some point. I see construction and clean up people there when I pass it on my way home every day.

And on some of the side streets, when you look down them while stopped at the light, you see just piles and piles of stuff waiting to be inspected by FEMA before it can be removed by the garbage people.

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Meanwhile, things at the school have been going relatively well. There were a few students who haven’t come back. Other kiddos tell me that one of them had to move because of the storm, while several came back a few days late, saying they just needed the time off… One of those is a senior, who is retaking my Sophomore level English class for the second time. He’s only retaking it this time because of absences. I foresee him taking it again over the summer because of absences. Again.

The kids were eager to get back into a routine, and they like the way I run my classroom. They know they will have the freedom to talk at certain points, but when we clap, we come back and we’re quiet. I’ve had two kids ask me (already!) if I can move up with them next year, and several that have come into my class (due to schedule changes) who’ve commented both to my face and when they didn’t think I could hear them (and in Spanish, to boot) that they already like me better than the teachers whose classes they’ve come from.

Of course, it reminds me of that first year teaching when everyone kept telling me that the kids liked me too much, so I must be doing something wrong. Meanwhile, I was able to get the best writing scores out of some of those kids that year. I remember the girl who would be valedictorian thanking me because she’d never gotten a 4 on her essay before.

For those of you not from Texas, 4 is the highest score you can get on the state assessment (STAAR).

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Not too shabby if I do say so myself.

School has taken up most of my time, with schedule changes, and trying to get everything graded because we have a very short grading period this time around (Thanks, Harvey!), and just getting back into a routine… But I have had a little time to talk to that guy who recently added me on Facebook.

I’m not sure if I’ve spoken much about him, but since I think he won’t be sticking around for long, might as well catch you up a little.

We have a mutual friend, and I had asked him how he met her, thinking that perhaps it was at a Meetup event and that we would have interests in common. He never quite gave me an answer. He would simply say it had been a few years, and never quite explained himself more than that.

That’s not the only thing he’s been unclear about, but it was the first of several warning signs.

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Well, I finally got up the courage to ask our mutual friend where she had met him. Turns out they matched on a dating app, like Tinder, but nearly 6 years ago! And they only just met face to face a few months ago… She says he disappears pretty frequently (another one of those big ol’ warning signs), and so she’s finally quit talking to him.

For me, I wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt. Given my recent experiences with men from a particular area (yes the same one this guy is from), I was hesitant because all those experiences have been the same. I didn’t want to believe the stereotype.

For one thing, I have students whose parents hail from that part of the world, and they don’t fit any of the stereotypes that people have told me. For another, I truly believe that people should be viewed on an individual basis. Just because someone comes from a particular part of the world, or has a particular skin tone, or speaks a particular language doesn’t mean that they are like everyone else with the same home country, skin tone, or first language.

Unfortunately, though, every guy from that part of the world has had an unhealthy obsession with physical interaction and thinking they have the right to insist upon certain acts. Either they will pretend emotion in order to get it, like the Last Guy, or they’ll swear they don’t want to make me uncomfortable, only to try to force me to do the one thing that makes me uncomfortable. Both the guy who wanted phone sex and the guy who tried to eat my face did that.

This guy has done some similar things. He’s told me that intelligence is what’s important to him, and then when I try to have an intellectual conversation with him, it goes on for a few texts, and then he’s right back to ask me exceedingly intimate questions. Insinuating that I have some plethora of experience that eclipses his, and that he’s just curious and wants to ask questions.

Well, ok, but I can’t answer some of those questions, and I’ve already told him that I want him to see me as a person, not a sexual object…

And now, when I finally agreed to meet him, so long as it was scheduled and not just spur of the moment, he’s ghosted.

waitwhat

I guess it frustrates me because it’s again a man expecting me to do things on his schedule, his way, and I’m somehow the asshole for not being able to comply because I’m not comfortable. Like, I’ve told him at least three times that he can’t come over to my house. I have a roommate. With a kid. No strange men are allowed. I only invited the Last Guy over the one time, and only because, by the gods, I wanted him to pick me up like a real date for once, instead of treating me like a whore that he could just call up and summon. And even then, only when there was no kid around.

This new guy asked again on Friday and yesterday if he could just stop by to say hello.

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I’m just tired of men thinking that their way is automatically the right way just because they’re men. I’d like for once to be respected and treated like I was a person with feelings whose opinion mattered because¬†I matter.

If he shows back up, I might give him a chance. But I’m not hopeful. And also, I’ve got too much going on with work to really devote to a flaky guy anyway.

Or probably any guy for that matter, though it would be nice to not have to do everything on my own…

Anyway, that’s been my week: work, a few guy issues, more work, and oh yeah! I prepped and cooked my own meals this week, following a new diet. I wasn’t so great come dinner time, but my lunches were awesome! Here’s hoping I can stick to it better next week!

One last thing… the title for this week’s coffee share was because every time I feel like I’ve forgiven the Last Guy, and the friends who abandoned me because they took his side, and forgiven myself for allowing myself to fall into that old routine where I trust a guy’s actions instead of his words, every time I think I’ve moved on from all of that, I run into a picture of him at those friends’ house, or at an event they invited him to, even though I was their friend first. He’s a bigger partier, so he’s more fun, I guess, plus, I know he made it seem like the reason why he couldn’t hang out with them was because of me… but it hurts. I had deleted most of them from Facebook, but seems I forgot to do the same on Instagram, which is what started it today.

It’s frustrating, and it does hurt, but I am doing really great with things at the school, which is infinitely more important, right?

right

What’s going on in your world this week?

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