Posted in Aspergers, Dating

Weekend Coffee Share: Kissing is not Eating

Hello to all my Coffee Share peeps! If we were sharing our lives over caffeinated beverages, mine would be, you guessed it, tea, and we’d be at the local IHOP. I’ve been craving a hamburger for a few days, which doesn’t go with my diet… but I know the IHOP will customize it for me the way I like, and that’s the whole reason why Weight Watchers does the extra “cheat” points.

So a burger it is!


Also, the IHOP doesn’t mind if I sit for hours and hours and write. They keep my tea filled, and they know that if it gets busy (which almost never happens), I’ll leave without them having to ask. It’s a thing of mutual respect.

My waiter today has waited on me before, and he’s the right kind of nerdy for me, and I think he attempted to flirt a few times before, but I’m never really sure about those kind of things, so I didn’t act on it.

Plus he’s young. Real young.

Besides, the last few Bumble Bees have made me think I might need to stop looking for a bit. Last we spoke, I was getting ready for two dates (well, one was canceled), and let’s just say it was not good.

female expiration date

Like I said, the first was canceled. He was taking too long, and I didn’t want it to mess up the second date because I didn’t want to waste my time. See, the first guy… well, I was pretty sure he was looking just for play, and I’m tired of guys seeing me like that/treating me like that’s all I’m worth.

Still a little sore that my “friends” chose the Last Guy over me because I was upset that was all he used me for. If there’s more to it than that, I may never know. No one’s talking to me.

Back to this past weekend, though, the first guy was the cuter of the two which was one of the reasons I wanted to give him a chance to prove me wrong. He’s also closer, and if it goes well, there’s more likelihood of it actually working… if he’s not looking just for a plaything.

Either way, his work schedule and mine are almost exact opposites. He goes in to work half an hour before I get off of work, and so the only time we could see each other would be weekends, or if we decided to have middle of the night dates after he got off work, and before I went in to work.

That thought kind of appeals to me. It would be nice to have breakfast dates to start my day off.


There are two big issues with that little fantasy. The first being that it means I’d have to go to bed considerably earlier, and I’m not sure I can actually manage that. I seem to be more productive in the evenings. I’m naturally a night person. That Last Guy sometimes would go to sleep before me, and I’d do work or write while he slept.

The second being that if he is looking just for a plaything, a midnight rendezvous means I’ll have to shower at his place, and have all my stuff ready to go before I leave to meet him, combining both the anxiety of getting ready for a date with getting ready for my work day.

Which I guess is the case either way, but if he’s just looking for play, there’s an added time-crunch anxiety to the whole thing. Whereas if we could get together in the evening, the only time crunch is like it was with the Last Guy, meaning how it effects my sleep, and since I’m an evening person instead of a morning person, going to bed late doesn’t bother me as much as getting up extra early does.

I guess that pretty much means he’s out.

And it doesn’t matter much. We’ve kind of stopped talking to each other… that whole ephemeral reality of App-based dating. There are only a handful of people that kind of quick lasting dating lifespan might appeal to.


The second date… the one that actually happened. Oy! That one was such a clusterfuck!

To start off, he invited me to his home to watch a movie. I didn’t realize it was his home at first, because it was located right downtown, and I didn’t even realize there was residential zoning in that area of downtown. Once I realized it was an apartment complex instead of some sort of artsy movie theater that I didn’t know about, it was a little too late for me to back out.

Second of all, there was no parking, and this seriously stressed me out. So by the time I did get parked and walked in, I was beginning to panic. I had taken a big enough risk not truly checking the place out before we agreed to the date.

I thought that since he’d not said anything particularly romantic or sexy that there was little chance of him trying to take advantage, and I’m usually comfortable in movie theaters, so… I didn’t do my usual due diligence necessary for my Aspie brain not to freak out at going to a new place.


Then, (allegedly) because I was freaking out, he made me a drink. And cue my distrust. I watched him make that drink like a hawk! My danger meter started going off. A man who invites me over and makes me a drink without offering me any food first does not have good intentions, right?

Especially when said drink is a Moscow Mule…

He gave me the brief tour of his very small, downtown, 18th floor apartment, including out on the balcony, where I noticed an ash tray. This becomes important later.

After making me a second drink and trying three times unsuccessfully to make me cuddle with him, I finally said to him that I didn’t think he’d intended for us to watch a movie at all. He got very flustered and explained that no, it was an excellent movie, one of his favorites, but he wasn’t sure how he was going to show it to me (a big clue that that wasn’t his intention), and then he got up and started trying to find it on a streaming service.

He also explained that he kind of expected that we’d have sex because we were at his apartment and we were attracted to one another. To which I told him that I’m on the autism spectrum, and so sometimes I don’t think to make those leaps in logic. He should have warned me because I didn’t do any of the usual maintenance/landscaping that should happen before such activities.


It was at this point that he decided he needed a cigarette. He started by telling me that he was a smoker, like he was telling me a secret. To which I said, “yes.” He seemed genuinely concerned with that, so I told him, “I noticed your ashtray when you showed me the balcony.”

After a cigarette and him ordering dinner (because he’d realized he was more drunk than I was), we did start the movie. He had to rent it from Amazon, but it was an old enough movie, that he could have bought the silly thing for a dollar more, and then not had to go through this silly charade with anyone else.

Before dinner arrived, he forced me to cuddle, and then tried to kiss me.

I say “tried” because I do not think he understands how kissing works. His teeth were outside my lips several times. Not like a love bite, or a nibbling on one lip, but like he was trying to eat my face.

You know how I feel about bad kissing…

i'm a fan of kissing

In hindsight, the Alcoholic was also a bad kisser, sticking his entire tongue straight into my mouth without any sort of sensuality, just taking up space in my mouth.

Just like the Alcoholic, I haven’t heard from this guy either (if he was going to last long enough to get a nickname, we’d call him the Face-eater). He texted me the next day when he got up (I’d been at work for 3 hours already) to make sure I made it in to work. Then, later that day, he texted to see if I could remember where he put his e-cigarette (he smoked that when he’d run out of cigarettes).

I kind of think he was insinuating that I took it, because the tone of his text seemed accusatory. He reminded me how “observant” I was, and asked if I was sure I hadn’t seen it. Then pointed out that it belonged to a friend of his, which was why it was important that he find it. Then he asked a second time if I knew where it was, reminding me how important it was that he find it.

Not a good experience!

So, I’ve deleted the app for the time being. I’ve been so busy with school starting, that Sunday was the only day I could focus on any of that sort of thing anyhow.

The rest of the week was actually school prep, and now we’ve begun. We started school on Thursday, and it was mostly successful. The classes need to be adjusted, but overall, I have a good feeling for this school year. It’s going to be time consuming for a bit, though, and I don’t need any weird dates getting in the way.

I just wish I could find a nice guy that enjoyed being playful, but also wants to keep me for a while, like forever…


Yeah, I know… *sigh*

How was your week?



High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

3 thoughts on “Weekend Coffee Share: Kissing is not Eating

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