Posted in Aspergers, Dating, Teaching

Weekend Coffee Share: Two for One

This weekend, if we were discussing our lives over caffeinated beverages, we’d be again at the Panera Bread near my house. It’s tax free weekend here, which (for those of you not in Texas or various other states in the United States) is basically a shopping holiday. It’s like Black Friday, but there’s no sales tax on clothes and school supplies. I was supposed to be shopping, but instead I got my nails done and am now enjoying a delicious Caesar salad with Chicken while I compose my actual shopping lists.

I’ll venture out tomorrow… if I have time.


Time is actually a questionable thing for tomorrow. Not only will I have my weekly Twitter chat (for writers, under the same name as this blog, but with a hashtag), but I somehow managed to talk my way into two different first dates.

Yeah, you read that right.

I’ve been on Bumble now for a little bit. Not terribly long, but I’ve been impressed with the way it works. For the most part. True to all app-based dating, the matches are somewhat ephemeral, as in if you don’t actual meet within a relatively short period of time, they just fade away into the nothingness of time and space.

My first Bumble bee jumped pretty quick. It’s a shame he was such an alcoholic, but it did help me to kind of get back into the dating thing. I should have known it was not meant for this world when he was moving so quickly. We discussed which characters we would be on our favorite show (Firefly), and he felt that I was the Inara to his Malcolm Reynolds.

mal and inara

For those of you not in love with that show (which I’m assuming means you’ve never seen it… it’s almost impossible not to love it once you’ve seen it), Malcolm Reynolds is the captain of the Firefly class spaceship titled Serenity, and Inara is his mismatched love interest… with all the required sexual tension that occurs when you have lovers from differing worlds/viewpoints, and also the necessary inability for them to come together.

They are basically soul mates that will never be able to get together.

So for a man to call me the Inara to his Mal is a romantic way of saying he thinks I’m his soulmate, even though I’m out of his league… basically.

Of course, another interpretation would be that he knew it would never work.


But, that is old news.

This week, we teachers went back to work. Or at least in my district we did. Most of my teacher friends have at least another week before they have to go back. And we went back on Thursday… So it was a short work week, but it was packed with meetings and Professional Development, lovingly (that’s sarcasm) referred to simply as PD.

This time PD was different. And I don’t mean in that “it’s a new program every year” kind of different, although it is a different program, sort of. I mean things felt different. Many of the things that were discussed confirmed that the way I prefer to teach is what they want us to do this year. We watched a video that commented on how great it was to focus on making connections instead of on just focusing on doing stuff.


Yes, they discussed doing less stuff, but making deeper connections… which is something I’ve been practically screaming for years now.

So that just tickles me pink… which it occurs to me is a saying I don’t understand. Never have understood it, really. I’ve always accepted it as one of those sayings I’ll just have to learn what it means instead of why we say it. That’s one of those Aspie things that every once in a while, when I’m feeling introspective, I realize should have been a clue to someone that I was different.

Speaking of, one of the things that happened this week was that I had a bit of an epiphany about my dating situations (not the two guys, one day thing… that’s an anomaly). I realized what it was that were in common with all the guys that have seriously hurt me. There have only been the three, so it’s not like I had to look too far back, but it also explained a thing that I’ve not understood about the handful of guys that have been really into me, but I wasn’t into them.

I’ll write a full post about it all later, but for the purposes of the Weekend Coffee Share, just know that I’ve realized that who I am (as an Aspie) causes me to misread the signs of other people, and also for me to inadvertently give the wrong signals to guys in exactly the same way.

The short version is that I believe being comfortable with each other enough to be truly oneself is a sign of something serious, and yet I’m always myself unless there’s reason not to be. So, when a guy accepts me as I am and can seemingly be themselves with me back, I think it means something serious is happening. Meanwhile, being myself with a guy I’m not sexually attracted to leads them to the same conclusion because being truly oneself is reserved for serious romantic situations… it’s quite the conundrum.


Like I said, I’ll expound on it later.

In the meantime, the rest of my week has been flirting with a handful of Bumble Bees. Again, there have been several Indian guys who show interest, but, other than one of them, they’ve all been looking for someone just to play with. Even when I tell them that’s not what I want, they push the issue, trying to force me to sext with them.

I mean, other guys have tried that as well, but it seems to be a disproportionately high percentage of men of Indian descent who feel that it’s okay to get vulgar with me even after I tell them I’m looking for a serious relationship, and not to be a plaything.

Maybe that’s just my perception because the Last Guy hurt me so badly.


There has been one who seems genuinely interested in a relationship, and he’s taking me out for dinner and a movie tomorrow night. The conversation has been really great, and as part of the discussion about whether or not I’d dated Indian men before, we discussed that the caste system is not an issue for his family because they’ve kind of moved all over the place. When I asked what caste he was in, he gave me an answer I didn’t understand, but he promised to explain it better tomorrow night.

I am very curious.


The other guy who wants to go out tomorrow wants to meet for coffee early in the afternoon. Based on the conversation, I’m about 80% certain he’s looking just for a plaything, and so I’m tempted to cancel. I have a feeling it will be like that bartender Bee that I went to his work because I’d lost his contact info… and he still hasn’t made contact. Been a week now, I think. I think this guy will take one look at me and realize I’m a big girl, and decide he doesn’t want to play with that, and I’ll never hear from him again.

Oh, and Goodreads Guy is back! I do love getting his emails! Makes me feel so desired! It’s a shame he lives all the way in Philly… and that he’s nothing but talk…

So that’s my week! Back to school I go… when I’m not busy with boys! I can’t wait to hear about your week!



High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

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