To be Understood (Original Poem)

You said that I was strong
And yet that I play the victim.

I play the victim when I ask for clarification
because I do not understand,
because my brain processes at
a different speed
than yours.

I live life through a sieve,
constantly sifting out
misinformation and lying words.

I shake my experiences,
like so much flour,
through a filter
analyzing each grain for its
bit of truth.

A head shake in the affirmative
paired with negative words,
means what?
Should I ask the question again?
And yet the look on his face
suggests I’ve already pushed too hard.

But yet I still have questions…

When in doubt, I try to explain myself:
Words trip over my tongue
as they spill out,
sharing intimate details of who I am
to one
I hope will care,
explaining experiences that have gone
ever so slightly
awry before.

Will he hear what I mean?
Or will his vision of how the world
should be
tarnish the purity of my words?

I dangle bits of myself
exposed and raw,
ripping open old wounds
so that you may see,
and understand.

I tape my own mouth shut
to hide the things that
may not be
preferable
to you.

The words swimming and bubbling,
oozing about
my innards,
seeking a way out.

Often
they find their way to a page,
though they shouldn’t.
Sharing too much
with the wrong sorts
of audience.

Questions
and answers,
Lies and truths,
all jumbled
like so much yarn
played with by a whole
litter of kittens,
exposed for all
the world to see.

The world is a place of great challenge
and yet I hide it well.
Well enough you did not believe
my struggle was real.

All I ever wanted was for you to acknowledge the truth of me,
not the façade,
not the pretty shell,
or the secret joy
you refused to admit.

Just
see me.
Understand me.
Recognize that there was
a person
there to be seen
and loved.

Why was that too much to ask?

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One thought on “To be Understood (Original Poem)

  1. Just Add Tea, your blog is currently included on our Actually Autistic Blogs List (anautismobserver.wordpress.com). Please click on the “How do you want your blog listed?” link at the top of that site to personalize your blog’s description.
    Thank you.
    Judy (An Autism Observer)

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