Who would have thought that five years would see so much change, and yet so much stay the same!
Five years ago today, I started writing about my life in a very small town, as a new teacher, aware that I was too progressive for the area I was in, and thinking that my blog would be my way of dealing with the pressures of being so liberal in such a conservative, backwoods area.
I fully expected this to be like Dangerous Minds, but in the country.
In fact, several of my friends had commented that it sounded a bit like that because of the way the kids showed me respect. Like when the football boys brought the one kid who walked out of my class back to my room, and blocked his path until he apologized, and then they each apologized for his behavior…
I’m always one of those teachers that builds those relationships with my kids, but I don’t get the awards, or the recognition until later. I wasn’t the teacher that got the roses when the seniors passed them out to the people who changed their lives. And not that teachers didn’t get those, but I wasn’t one of them back then.
It wouldn’t be until later, after my kids had graduated and moved on to the bigger parts of their lives that I would start to get recognition. And, of course, that’s not why I teach, but it helps to confirm that teaching is what I was meant to do.
When one of my kiddos looked me up on Facebook to ask me about a poem we’d read his sophomore year so he could impress a girl, I knew I was following my destiny.
And as my kids continued to grow up, and get married, and have kids of their own, the number of invites grew: wedding invitations, baby shower invites, invites to various social media…
I was popular in a way that I’ve never been before, and all because I made a difference.
Yet somehow it wasn’t enough. The kids still tell me I’m the best teacher (or at least English teacher) they’ve ever had, but the adults I work with rarely notice.
All that time ago, when I started this blog, I needed this blog as an anonymous place to vent because I was constantly being told that if the kids liked me, it meant I was too nice, and that I wasn’t effective, even though my test scores said otherwise.
Then I moved to the city.
The school I moved to wasn’t my first choice; I didn’t have a first choice! I only knew I needed to be some place bigger where I could prove that my way was functional and that the kids could like me and that didn’t mean that I wasn’t really teaching.
I was met with disdain by my coworkers because I was just a country bumpkin. I was treated worse because teaching in a small school environment meant that I obviously couldn’t cut it in the big city. The constant push back from the adults, plus the lack of stability in the administration and the schedule caused me to have a small break down.
And that’s kind of become a recurring (increasingly worse) thing, so maybe I can’t cut it in the big city!
But somewhere since then, this blog changed. It quit being about living in the city, and started being about my dating life. Now it kind of balances the two, but the dating stuff is by far more interesting!
See, I didn’t date much in high school. Mostly because I didn’t see any opportunities. People didn’t exactly throw themselves at me, and the few people who did were… a little strange. My first boyfriend was a freshman my 8th grade year, and he had changed from a saxophone player to a tuba player, so we bought his saxophone since it was better than the cheap/crappy one I’d gotten from the school.
I also took the saxophone very serious… until it became obvious that it wasn’t something that was worthy of pride from my family, but that’s a story for another day.
I don’t think we ever kissed. In fact, my only kiss was during a game of truth or dare with this guy I’d had a crush on since like Pre-K. And I was so nervous that I started talking to myself, which came across as humming.
I do that sometimes still. And there was a while when I quit talking and hummed all the time, but it was very brief and my dad yelled at me at the dinner table because I was humming instead of actually talking. I thought I’d answered his question because I could hear my voice in my head, but I hadn’t actually opened my mouth. I think that may very well have been one of those Aspie things that could have shown someone that I wasn’t normal, but again, that’s a story for another day.
Back to the dating thing.
So Tubaman was my first boyfriend. And then briefly I dated the older brother of a guy who played the saxophone with me. I remember only being slightly attracted to him, but since no one else was interested, and I worked with his mom and older brother, I kind of felt like I couldn’t really say no. But we never even went on an actual date, and I can’t remember if we ever kissed… and as important as kissing is to me, I think I would have remembered that.
College was full of guys who were interested, but only for sex, and some that I thought wanted more, but inevitably, after a few weeks, it always devolved to a purely physical thing and thus I kind of quit dating for a while.
Plus, when my blood pressure went crazy, I thought it was some sort of punishment for some of my previous choices in love/lust… Safer to avoid the whole mess.
But it doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t have loved to be loved. It caused me a great deal of stress, and thus it became a thing I wrote about on here often. I was 30+ years old and had never been in what I think was true love.
Hell, I was 30 before a man ever bought me a drink unless we were already well established! And I went to plenty of bars during my various college experiences…
Houston has provided me with the opportunities to actually date and have the wild experiences most people have in college.
I’m behind the times, it seems.
But, luckily for you, my readers, it means that I have LOTS to write about!
This week’s #weekendcoffeeshare will have an update on the New Boy. We had our first argument (if you can call it that) today. All done via text/messenger… As soon as I leave this IHOP, I’ll be on my way to see him for a romantic rendezvous that will last until tomorrow when I go car shopping (finally!).
Thank you for following along on the crazy 5 year adventure so far! Here’s hoping that the next 5 years are as interesting, if less stressful… If you have any questions or suggestions about what you’d like to see on here, we’re starting Spring Break as of…oh… about 3 hours ago, so I’ll have time to make some changes.
Happy Blogiversary to me! And thank you for reading!