This weekend, if we were talking over coffee, we would be having a late night slumber party, watching Star Trek Enterprise (I’d not seen it until relatively recently), and waiting for my laundry to finish. My roommate is out of town for the evening, and so I’m using the time for some binge watching while I completely relax. I had some pizza, took a bubble bath, and am now enjoying some wine and strawberries.
I decided I needed some much overdo relaxation.
This past week, while only a four day work week, had me at the school past 4 (and past 5 a couple of times) every day this week. I’ve had students coming for tutorials, and papers to grade, and lessons/activities to make. The result is that I missed my chiropractic appointment on Tuesday, which made me very, very sore by today, when I went for my second appointment of the week.
Today I also had a workshop to go to. It wasn’t entirely useful. I’ve gone through this particular training before, but that was so long ago, I thought it best to take it again as a refresher. It’s for teaching English as a Second Language (ESL), but while we were told we’d get tons of strategies we could use in the classroom, it’s been mostly just talking about how to use stuff I already know.
There has been lots of discussion.
So much so, that I ended up striking up a conversation with the young teacher next to me, and turns out she’s totally geeky, and an Aspie to boot! I think we’re going to be friends. Rather, I hope we’re going to be friends. And good friends at that.
Meanwhile, I’m still in a rental car. I’m still trying to figure out how to get back into a new car, and I’m still waiting on some paperwork from Progressive. I hate this whole totaled car thing.
There’s so much going on lately it’s hard to figure out what goes first. Between school, and the car, and still staying with a friend, and the occasional interaction with a boy.
Not the Boy, though we are on speaking terms again.
In fact, he helped me out a great deal with an issue with my rental car situation. I’d forgotten how nice it was when he and I are on good terms. Not that I expect it to get romantic… people always assume that I have a weak spot for him because of some romantic attachment, but it’s not that anymore, and hasn’t been that for a while.
It’s that I think of him as a good friend, and there’s been this struggle for us to see each other the same way. It’s perplexing to me, and becomes something I fixate on because I want to understand. I want to know why he doesn’t see certain things the way I do, because I think my way is very logical. Or it bothers me that we repeat certain behaviors, and he jumps to a negative place whenever I say anything at all critical of him… or anything that he might view as critical.
But we had dinner together the other day (not a date… he didn’t pay for my meal), and it was good. There was a moment when we were watching basketball, not because either of us was particularly interested in it, but because we were sitting at the bar and it was what was in front of us. In that moment, I was reminded of our second date, when we had our first kiss. I was able to think back on it fondly, but not want to experience it again.
I know right?
I call that progress.
It might have something to do with meeting someone. I’m not going to go into details because he’s shy, and as such that will be his nickname: Mr. Shy. Suffice it to say, he has a good many of the Boy’s good qualities, but has almost none of his negative ones (as far as I can tell), and seems genuinely interested in me, though he’s working through some issues making our progress very slow for any sort of relationship, be it romantic, or FWB, or just friends.
He’s sweet, uncommonly sweet, and when I was telling the Boy about him, very vaguely, he could sense my hesitation. When he asked me why I was hesitant, I couldn’t answer. It wasn’t because I didn’t want to share with the Boy, after all, I do consider him to be one of my best friends; it was because I’m afraid of what the answer is.
See, I’m afraid to let Mr. Shy get too close emotionally because I’m afraid that I might accidentally hurt him because I simply am not used to men being nice to me. When the Boy asked me why I was hesitant, it was connected to the question of whether or not I knew what I wanted, or if it was important for me to know what I wanted this early on in the situation.
What I wanted to say was that I wanted to not be hurt anymore.
But I can’t say that to the Boy without potentially causing a fight because he was one of the people who has hurt me the worst.
And so, with Mr. Shy being so uncommonly sweet, and rather innocent, it’s been very nice speaking to someone who seems intested in me as a person, as well as a sexual entity, but still scary. I am scared that I will hurt him, and he has made a comment that he is afraid to let me close as well… for reasons that seriously concern me.
In fact he’s already made a few statements that lead me to believe that he might potentially be like all the others, those guys who tell me what I need to hear, or want to hear in order to get what they want from me…
I don’t really think that’s what’s happening, but there is still the fear, especially since I don’t know him very well, and cannot tell if he’s being 100% honest with me or not. Because he’s shared some particularly intimate information with me, I won’t break my word and give too many details here. I’ll have to go with my gut on this one, and you, my readers, will just have to take my word for it that my perception is accurate.
Meanwhile, there’s the Trump Inauguration, and I have lots of thoughts on that, but won’t sully this post with those. Expect to see it soon, though.
That’s the gist of what we’d talk about over coffee today. This would be the point where I’d pass the conversation over to you. So thanks for sticking with me. I hope your week was less chaotic than mine.
There was obviously other news this week. We got a new president, one that most of us aren’t too pleased with, but I’ll talk that in another post. I don’t want to sully this one with Trumpisms.
See you around! And wish me luck with Mr. Shy!!