This weekend, if we were talking over coffee, we’d be doing so at the counter height breakfast table. I just finished cleaning up the kitchen from making my oatmeal. Made enough to last me all week, so that’s a plus. No worries about breakfast the rest of the week; just measure out a single serving, add sugar and butter, and nuke it in the microwave for half a minute, and breakfast is done!
It’s all part of my new attempt to actually have a schedule. I know I do better when I have one, and I had planned to have a schedule set up by now, but I’ve been more concerned about Life (capital letter intended) to really sit down and create one.
We already discussed how the (to use my new favorite description) “flaming dumpster fire” that was 2016 kind of ruined everything. It started out pretty good. Not great, but pretty good. I had the new car and really liked where I was staying, but then it went downhill really quickly. The time off for taking care of my mental state (and to get that very necessary official Asperger’s diagnosis) made the financial situation kind of dire. That new car got flooded, and shortly thereafter, I had to move, and move quickly! And that move didn’t really help any. Financial situation still sucked (sucks), and I had to move quickly a second time.
Now I’m in a place that feels safe, and we’ve agreed that I’ll stay until the end of the school year, and possibly into the summer a little bit. That way I can actually look at where I need to be. Plus, if I end up transferring schools, or even moving states or something drastic like that, it will be easier to move in the summer.
One crisis down.
Next big crisis is the car situation, and my father (finally) sent me the information for a guy he knows who has a good reputation with his cars, and who will work with me to possibly get me into a car with no money down because he’s a friend of the family.
Well, a friend of my father. The family situation is a bit… complicated.
In case you haven’t been around much, or rather, since I haven’t been around much, you might not know that my car got totaled. I got rear-ended by a semi, and even though it doesn’t look like much damage, the other guy’s insurance decided it would be better to total it.
In hindsight, since everyone seems to think the airbags should have deployed and they didn’t, it might be that the car was busted a little from the flooding that happened earlier in the year. Perhaps this is a blessing in disguise, though I am very sad to have to lose my first brand new car in my own name at a time when, because of the financial turmoil that was the last couple of years, I can’t get another brand new one right away. And I really liked that car…
So, that’s the newest big project.
But I still have to survive my regular life. Teaching takes a lot of time, and I need to get back to writing regularly, and I have to do things like grocery shop, and I need to go clothes shopping something fierce, and I would like to not be alone for the rest of my life, so there’s the dating angle to be taken into consideration. It’s just never ending!
Hence, I’m starting over with a few things.
First and foremost is my health. I’ve got the mental health under control (mostly), but my body, and thus my physical health, is a mess. It’s possible that the accident really did mess up my back, but my spine has been so out of whack for so long, who could tell? And because my back is a mess, I haven’t been taking care of my weight, which then affects my blood pressure, and it just keeps building.
I am at this moment the heaviest I have ever been… well almost. I’ve actually begun to take some action and I’m already noticing a difference.
First of all, I started a workout routine. It started as just a 30 day challenge, well a couple of them really, and it’s going quite nicely! Today I get to rest my arms, and they kind of need it. I’m starting to hurt in places and ways I didn’t think possible.
Part of that goes back to how messed up my spine has been. I’ve known it was bad for a while. Even all the way back to high school, when I wore a corset for Senior prom, I noticed that my waist went in on one side and not on the other. I’ve never been able to figure out how to fix that, but I think I needed to see a chiropractor.
And so I finally did.
I’m tired of my waist being pear shaped on one-side and apple shaped on the other. I’m tired of not being able to do cardio because my entire core area feels twisted when I try to run/jog/WALK… I’m tired of people commenting on the way I walk, too.
One of the teachers at my old school pointed out that I walk funny. Of course, she’s originally from New York, so I suppose we can forgive her rudeness, but apparently it’s bad enough that it’s obvious that my entire right side is several inches higher than the left. It’s quite noticeable when I’m standing, and my shoulder and neck are at weird angles as well.
I always assumed that one leg was longer than the other and that I would need lifts to balance out my waist. I didn’t want to do that. The chiropractor told me that no, that’s not the case. Laying flat, my legs are exactly the same length, or at least not that noticeably different.
And one session of him cracking my back and neck, and he put my back into alignment so well that I thought that my head was tilting the wrong way. Turns out that, no, it’s just always tilted so much to the right that when it’s at the correct angle, it feels wrong!
And when I stretch my legs out, they fall open, the way legs are supposed to. As long as I can remember, my right leg has always turned inward when I’m laying on my back. It’s a huge difference!
I still hurt in places, but it was just the first session. I’m to go back twice a week for a while. It’s given me quite a bit of hope that I might be able to actually get my body into a shape that’s not just disfigured like a Picasso painting.
Another thing I’ve started over was the #JustAddTea Twitter chat. I have to say, today was pretty much a failure. Then again, I didn’t promote it like I had before. I didn’t send reminders. I didn’t talk about it in other chats… I haven’t been doing other chats… So, I’m not entirely surprised, but it was very sad for me. It had always gone so well that I just assumed it would magically just keep going when I made a comeback… even though it’s a different day and time, and it’s been on hiatus for months.
What was I thinking?
Next week should be better. I’ll get the word out better, and we’ll hopefully see more people. Next week we’re discussing “distractions!”
Seemed an appropriate topic, since one of my other big projects I want to start over (or at least “restart”) is my writing. I left a decent Romance Novel less than half finished, even though I know where I want it to go, and how I want to get there.
So, I’ll be working on The Secrets of Seashells again, and as always, you can keep an eye on the progress over at Tablo.
That just leaves starting over with the guys in my life.
The Boy, though we agreed to try to be friends, has been ghosting me, so I think it’s safe to say that has indeed come to a final close. Probably for the best. I kept getting hints from the universe that he needed to go away, but I wanted to believe that he cared about me and that he wanted me around. Some part of me always knew it wasn’t true, but he kept telling me that the thing that upset him was the fact that he couldn’t convince me that it was true.
Either way, that’s done.
And Mr. Quiet, while he still smiles when I see him around, he doesn’t text, and I’m not sure what I would do if he did.
Same with Sometimes Guy, though I never see him around; we don’t hang in any of the same circles. He ghosted again, and I’m just not going to have that.
See, the thing that upset me about the Boy is the same thing that upset me about Mr. Quiet and Sometimes Guy: my needs weren’t of any importance. It was always about their schedules. Not that we would try and get together and work something out that worked for both our schedules, but that any attempts on my part to schedule were seen as nice, but in the end, if what we agreed upon didn’t work for them, then to hell with my schedule! If I wanted to see them, I needed to rearrange my life to meet their availability.
And I’m not going to be disrespected like that anymore. I’m not a genie to be summoned and then put back in a bottle.
I have a life and things outside of them, and if the timing doesn’t work for me, I’m not rescheduling for them. If they see so little value in the time we spend together that it’s not worth keeping a date/appointment/whatever, then they obviously have no respect for me, and I have no use for them.
Mr. Quiet tells me this is me “bringing drama.”
And Sometimes Guy just ignored it like it was nothing.
The Boy, gets angry at it because to him, it shouldn’t be a big deal. Just reschedule. If spending time together is the key, then it shouldn’t matter when. But I’m not rescheduling for ANYONE who can’t see how disrespectful breaking an appointment is for something that might be arbitrary. The Boy was angry because I accused him of breaking appointments, and therefor promises, with me for things that could be moved to other times, and he doesn’t see how moving me says that I am consistently less important than those other things. I’m not going to be made to feel like I’m unimportant anymore, because I’m NOT unimportant!
There was a guy a while back who interested me, but it went very awry when we were flirting and then suddenly he told me that he didn’t want to lead me on because there was a woman he’d been trying to get with who finally seemed interested. He’d also told me that he still wanted to sleep with me… at which point I told him he got points for honesty, but I deserved to be more than a side chick. So thank you, but no thank you.
Then I blocked him.
For some reason, I recently went looking through my blocked messages, and it turned out that he had tried to contact me. He asked if we could have a “reboot…” Since I had appreciated his honesty and bluntness beforehand, I gave him a shot. We’ve been talking. Seems he’s really interested in an actual relationship. That’s kind of a nice change from some of the jerks lately. So we’ll see how it goes.
We’ll call him Mr. Second Chance. Fingers crossed this isn’t some fantasy just to get me into bed. I’ve had my fill of those, and they never end well.
So, that’s what’s new this week. I’m starting over in a lot of areas, but I feel like it’s necessary, and I feel like I’m doing things the right way to be successful this time around. Hope things are less tumultuous in your world.