Just Another Reflection Post

When I began writing this, the ball had just dropped, and my neighbors were popping fireworks like mad. My roommate had just come home from her New Year’s Eve celebrations, and I was wearing the adorable pink nightgown my mother bought me for Christmas, all comfy tucked into bed… which called my name so that I didn’t finish until the rest of my January 1st was mostly over.

2016 is officially over, and I feel like a weight has been lifted! I know it’s a silly superstitious thing of mine: I always believe that how I spend my New Year’s will have some indication of the coming year. This year is no different. Believe me, I had a great New Year’s Eve! I just celebrated earlier in the day with an unexpected person, and our conversation has made me a bit introspective, but also very excited about the possibilities of the future.

And while I know I should be writing some wonderful piece about how this new year, 2017 is going to be the best year yet, and give you all the tips and tricks of how to win 2017, life is learned backwards. We only learn by reflecting on our past experiences, and that’s exactly what I want to do.

But, all that stuff about 2017 being the best year yet, I do actually think that’s true…

2017-countdown

So here’s to 2017 being a better year, but also to lessons learned in 2016!

On the eve of New Year’s Eve (December 30th), I was really down in the dumps. I’d had to clean out my sad little car so they could officially total it. It left me feeling very broken. I have no car of my own, I’m still staying with a friend instead of in my own place, my financial situation still sucks, and not only do I not have a partner that actually wants me and just me, but I was dealing with the fact that I haven’t had one of those for an unbelievably long time.

Every guy who has come into my life may have been interested in dating me, but not just me, and not with any type of commitment since like 2003.

The Boy doesn’t count because I thought we were dating and he did not. Or at least he thought we were done way before I realized we were over.

The Bartender doesn’t count because even though he gave me the fantasy of a relationship, he was married the whole time.

So I’m broke, homeless, carless, and loveless, and apparently unlovable.

unlovable

This was my outlook just a little over a day ago. I felt like I didn’t have any friends, because I’ve lost touch with most of them because I don’t want to burden them with my problems. The exception being a very small handful of my geek friends, my roommate, and the Boy. Yes, I do actually think of him as something of a best friend.

Not sure why I do, but I do.

And even he was gone.

Then somewhere around midnight between the 30th and the 31st, the Boy and I came to some sort of understanding. Or at least I think we did. Only time will tell.

So I had my friend back, and it felt good, really good.

I don’t know how long it will last, but for the moment, the Boy is back. ,hesback

Then, the following morning, I heard from someone that I was sure had ghosted and that I would never hear from him ever again.

Of course, when I thought he’d ghosted, I was also certain that he wasn’t worth the effort that it took to see him in the first place. Now I’m not so sure.

The first time we met, he gave me that look that told me that he didn’t really find me attractive, but he talked to me. For a long time, actually! He was late to the party he was supposed to go to after our initial coffee date, and was interested enough to want to get together afterwards. A part of me was curious why he didn’t just invite me to go with him to the party…

But, if you think about it, would you bring a total stranger whom you’d just met to a football viewing party? One where your kids were going to be there?

probablynot

I understand why I wasn’t invited, and I’m not even mad that I didn’t get invited.

I was mad that when I tried to just ask how his week was going, he didn’t even respond. And then I realized he wasn’t exactly worth it. Our second encounter that day, he had been rather… inattentive. He spent most of his time watching the football game instead of interacting with me. He said some very nice things, but it wasn’t exactly the romantic encounter I was expecting.

So, when he texted me to see if I wanted to get together on New Year’s Eve, I was very shocked. I think if I hadn’t been recently insulted by Mr. Quiet, I probably wouldn’t have even responded.

But, I have to admit, I’m glad that I did. He told me that he had been too intrigued with me; that I’d been too enticing. It’s probably bullshit, but it was a sweet thing to say, and he was must more attentive to my needs this time around. He left me something of his so that I knew he’d contact me again.

He said he’d contact me in his own time, but that I would definitely hear from him again. And he gave me a kiss.

peckkiss

A very chaste kiss, but it was still a kiss.

He had said that kissing was for when you were in love, so to get even a tiny kiss is a thing.

The result was that my New Year’s Eve was really wonderful, even though I didn’t go out and get wasted with friends. Instead, I have my best friend back, and a possibility for romance from someone whom I had written off. Since he is someone who comes and goes, and there’s no exact way to determine when or if I’ll ever see him again for certain, I think I’m going to name him the Sometimes Guy.

sometimes

Sometimes Guy even offered a recipe for his grandmother’s banana pudding for me to use for the New Year’s Day cookout I went to today, though when I texted to get him to send me the recipe instead of just telling it to me, I’ve gotten no response…

See? Sometimes Guy: Sometimes I hear from him, and Sometimes he’s just MIA.

So I have to just decide that 2016 was a weird year, and now that it’s over, I don’t think I want to look back at it too much. I will learn from it all, but I’m going to try not to dwell on it.

The 2 Most Important Things I’ve learned from 2016:

  1. Do not let anyone disrespect you. When Mr. Quiet decided that he was going to play games and tease me with an invite over to his place instead of going out for drinks, only to change his mind, and then back and forth several times within a few hours, I told him that his games were unappreciative so he needed to give me a definite answer because I had other options that were easier than dealing with him. He told me to go elsewhere… And I did. (Thank you Sometimes Guy!)
  2. Don’t hint at what you want, but rather be direct. I don’t understand when guys hint with me, hence why I don’t always get it when a guy ghosts me. Or I don’t know when a guy is trying to suggest that he’s interested, or when he’s trying to suggest that he is definitely NOT interested. So I’ve gotten to the point where I just say exactly what I’m thinking and exactly what I want.

That’s as much reflection as I’m willing to do on the horrible year that was 2016. I began 2017 by enjoying a cookout with some really great friends, and I think it bodes well for this year.

Hope everyone else’s New Year’s celebrations were as great as mine!

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3 thoughts on “Just Another Reflection Post

  1. It’s hard for couples to understand each other… It’s just that “understanding” issue that causes the much needed problem with issues…If the guy is the right person for your life things will turn up pretty good if you both are ready to “compromise”..

    • Sometimes that’s why people accuse me of romanticizing my friendship with the Boy. He and I spend half our friendship compromising more like a romantic relationship than a friendship! But you’re absolutely right that compromise is key to a successful relationship. Thanks for reading!

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