Posted in Dating, Friendships

Weekend Coffee Share: A New Batch

Good morning! If we were talking over coffee this weekend, we’d probably be doing it at some hip little cafe where they also serve breakfast. I’m thinking of one in particular that the Boy took me to a couple of times. It’s totally a hipster spot, which makes sense since the Boy is pretty much a hipster, but they had good breakfast. Even the spot that he used to take me to for Old Man Breakfast would be amazing right now.

It’s barely seven in the morning on a Saturday, and I’m already up for the day…


I fell asleep pretty early last night. The consequences of which are that I’m wide awake before the sun is up on one of the two days I’m allowed to sleep in…

Sleeping in is such a strange concept. We create these routines for ourselves, creating a rhythm for our body to follow, and then purposefully disrupt it because it is some sort of privilege to get more sleep. Hence we disturb our rhythm that we’ve created and everything is off for the rest of the day but we somehow justify it as a necessary part of the weekend.

Well, I’ve gotten a full seven hours of sleep, and while I think I could convince my body to go back to sleep, I want to actually be productive this weekend, so I’m going to stay up.

Next stop: breakfast!


In the meantime, there’s plenty to discuss. I’ve finally accepted that I cannot keep #JustAddTea going on Thursdays. Between staying at the school until dark most days just to get my grading done, or any of a thousand extra little things that are being required of us this year, and football games, and living half an hour away from work, which requires me to get up earlier and takes longer to get home, between all that, I’m barely getting enough sleep during the week, thus I do almost always give myself permission to catch up on my sleep on the weekends.

Then in the middle of it, there’s my Tinderfellas.

And the Boy, but we’ll talk about the Tinderfellas first.

With the hasty retreat of the Gym Guy, I added Tinder again, looking for someone that would be interested in something a little serious. Yeah, I know, everyone says Tinder is not the place to go looking for that, but, seriously, I swipe probably 12 profiles a day where the guy is saying he’s only looking for serious relationships.


I usually limit myself to three Tinderfellas and then try them out, if they’re not too scared to actually meet. I’m finding my schedule is making that difficult, but that’s the usual plan.

This time around, I had about 5 that I was talking to, but three of them quickly proved to me they weren’t intelligent or interesting enough to keep my attention.

I’m trying to avoid a repeat of Gym Guy who was too dumb to be of any use, but who was seemingly looking for something real, so I kept giving him the benefit of the doubt. Wasted 3 weeks on him, and then when he saw me, that was the end of it. He thought I was too fat. He even took my menu away from me, if you remember.

Anyway, that brought me back to two. The first is not looking for anything serious, but is highly intellectual, and also, I think, a little vanilla, which is sweet.


He brought up an article about a certain part of the female anatomy being more sensitive on one side than the other. This was not news to me, and I told him as much. His response was that he figured I would know (haven’t decided if I should take that as a compliment or an insult, but oh well), and then he began asking a ton of questions. It was his curiosity  that got my attention.

That and the fact that he, like me, texts in complete sentences… with appropriate punctuation!

We began chatting, and he writes these intense fantasies. They’re so detailed that there’s no real reason for me to respond. And while that is mildly annoying, it’s also a sign of a highly intelligent mind. Which is so very important to me.

I think of him as being vanilla because he asks so very many questions, and the way in which he asks them seems to indicate that he’s never had the opportunity to experience some of the things in question. Things that seem relatively tame to me.

He’s made no sign to actually want to meet, though, which makes me a little sad. Not terribly sad because I’m not sure he could handle me if we were in the same space.


For one thing, he types faster than I do, meaning I don’t get to participate in the conversations as much, so he’s not actually aware of how outspoken I am. Second of all, he’s Vanilla. I’m at the very least more of a buttered pecan flavor, and in comparison to him, I think I’m more of a banana split with hot fudge and sprinkles!

What I’m trying to say is that I’m more adventurous, more complicated, more interesting than plain vanilla.

Vanilla is nice, it’s safe, it’s tasty… And it’s boring!

But boring can be good sometimes. Boring means predictable, and well established. And he has kept my attention mostly, so I am still talking to Mr. Vanilla… when he talks to me.

Meanwhile, the other guy described himself as the Black Mr. Grey. As in “50 Shades of…”


I didn’t read the book, but I’m familiar with some of the lifestyle, and thus he intrigues me a bit. After about 20 minutes of conversation on Tinder, he was inviting me over to his place.

That’s way too fast! And after I started to show signs of hesitation, he’s been very forthcoming. He’s talked to me about his kids (he has 3, 2 of which are his adopted nephews), and his job (which sounds stressful). He calls me Princess, and asks me how my day is. It’s like he’s become the submissive, and yet, occasionally he’ll give me an order.

I haven’t made my mind up yet. I discussed the situation with the Boy, and after I flip-flopped about 4 times, he told me that it was “hard for the people playing at home to keep up…” I told him it was hard for ME to keep up, too.

I really don’t know what I think. It requires a lot of trust to get into that sort of relationship, and I don’t know this person well enough to trust him like that. But he adjusts quickly to meet what I need in order to be comfortable.

So either, he’s a really good dom who is good at reading the needs of his sub, or he’s a psychopath who is trying to lure me in so he can chop me up and make me into a stew for his kids.

The jury is still out.


And then there’s the Boy.

We’re not dating. I’m not sure what we’re doing.

We’re friends, but then there are still the same bad habits. Things like not responding to texts for days, which inevitably makes me NOT calm.

But then there is also a whole new level of openness and (I think) honesty that makes me feel extremely close to him in a way that has never been before.

Occasionally there is some more-than-just-friends behavior, but to what end?  I don’t know.

Someone thought the poem I wrote the other day was about the Boy, but it wasn’t. It was in response to that question about how do you know if someone likes you, and since I really can’t ever tell, that was what I imagine it looks like, and maybe feels like.

So that’s it. That’s the update. I’m talking to 2 Tinderfellas (Vanilla, and Mr. Black), and the Boy is still hanging around for some strange reason. Meanwhile, work is crazy busy, but also exhilarating… and stressful. But I’m loving almost every minute of it. Almost. Yesterday was a shitty day, but there are more good days than bad, and that’s all that matters.

Thanks for sticking with me. Hope your weekend is awesome!



High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

6 thoughts on “Weekend Coffee Share: A New Batch

  1. Your description of the Tinderfellas is interesting. I never tried online dating. I did chat with some men but they were people I already knew. I met two men through compu serve chat room that was not for dating. One of the men I actually met for dinner. I didn’t see him again because I knew it wouldn’t go anywhere and my time was very limited as a single mom.

    1. I’ve had way more days since I got on Tinder. Some good experiences and some not so good, but it’s useful for someone who’s not comfortable just randomly talking to people.

  2. Thanks very much for explaining the vanilla reference, Elizabeth. I’ve been out of circulation on so many levels for too long. Well, I’ve been married for 15 years and I’m happy about that.
    I’m not vanilla either but I dated a few vanillas because being creative and inclined to get carried away, a stable guy was a good counter balance.
    The vanilla guy sounds good but you have to wonder why you’re not meeting up.
    Back in the way, I went out with a couple of people from the personals but no one grabbed me. They weren’t even vanilla.
    Good luck and keep us posted.
    xx Rowena

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