Today we’re not talking over coffee, but rather over margaritas at a Mexican food restaurant I don’t get to go to as often as I’d like. I’m going to the theatre tonight with a friend, and I had errands to run, but they were done sooner than I expected, so I’m treating myself to some shrimp tacos.
So if this post looks different than normal, that’s because it was done on my phone.
Of course, that means it should be shorter, too, in theory…
So… on Friday I finally met Gym Guy. It went about as well as I expected. Which is to say it didn’t go well.
He’s a very little guy. Height wise, we should be about the same size, like I expected, but I am a tiny but taller. No matter what shoes I wore, I was going to be taller, thus I didn’t bother with my flats, which smell bad and I am rather embarrassed by that fact alone.
Plus, I was right and I do outweigh him by probably 100 pounds. He is very little.
As we were planning, I let him be the man. Let him pick the place and the time. He asked me to meet him at 4:30 at a particular part of town with which I’m not very familiar, which is a bit of a red flag. And he waited until 2 hours before hand to tell me the where! He’s lucky I even agreed in the first place!
Why can’t guys understand that women need time to prepare and some of us especially need extra time to mentally prepare!
Do you want to guess what happened? Yeah. I was late.
But as I was walking up to the restaurant, I felt good. I wore jeans that made my legs look great, and a top that the Boy told me was good. I’d taken a shower and felt fresh. My makeup was on point… or on “fleek.”
I was ready!
And then I saw him. He was sitting at a counter height table, hunched over his chips, with his feet dangling. Like a kid.
He looked like a kid, small in stature, with a baseball cap on. I’d put serious thought into my outfit, and he looked like he was just out running errands. Plus, I have serious issues with a man who wears his cap at the table.
It may show my country upbringing, but a man should take his damned hat off when he sits down to eat!
When I walked up, he stood up to hug me and I was taller, and he didn’t do the double take that the Marine did, but as I sat, he kept looking at me sideways. Like checking to see if he saw what he thought he saw.
Look, I know I look better in pictures than in person. I know I tilt my head to hide certain flaws.
And there was a reason he never got a full body shot, but the things that are physically wrong with me are easily fixed. I want a man who sees past them and falls for me, the me on the inside!
And even though I didn’t know if he was smart enough for me, I was willing to give him a shot because I thought he did see. I even asked him specifically what would happen if he decided I wasn’t as awesome as he thought I was and he said that wasn’t possible.
So when he walked me to my car, and said, “well, give me a hug,” it stung. Stung more than I expected actually. Enough to make me cry. Though, that could have been the tequila.
So… I called the Boy. Rather, I asked him through text if he had time so we could talk, and he called me immediately!
I know he and I are not a good match romantically. I know that I need to not only be first choice, but the only choice, and I know he can never see me that way. I know that we hurt each other, and that nothing can make the old hurts go away because they’re big. On both sides.
But I also know that he wasn’t the only person I reached out to. He was, however, the only one who called. And while I wailed about how I was smart and how bad it hurt to be dismissed because of looks by another man, he listened. He listened and he reminded me that I’d been afraid Gym Guy was dumb, and the fact that he couldn’t see my worth because of the physical proved he was too dumb to keep my attention.
He also reminded me that he knew how smart I was so I had no need to prove it to him. And we tentatively made plans to get together next week.
He stayed on the phone with me until I was certain I was done crying because I had a football game to go to, and I couldn’t let my students see me cry over a man. Especially one as little and as shallow as Gym Guy.
It still hurt, but it helped to be reminded that I hadn’t had high hopes for him anyway because he seemed dumb.
So, another one down and back to Tinder I go.