Date Night! A quick update of things.

Not to be confused with my weekly Coffee Share post, this is just a quick update about a few things in my life. I do, in fact have a date tonight. The latest Tinderfella (the Transcendentalist) looked me up on Instagram in order to confirm that we were still on for tonight. 

yes.gif

I’m thinking that means that I accidentally unmatched with him while I was dropping my phone and trying to get all my stuff from my car to my room while trying to avoid all the people in my house.

I may be even more of an introvert than I ever would have imagined. I find that I really enjoy my private time. Like yesterday I ended up canceling several plans and stayed in my jammies all day so that I could rest up for today. After a week of testing, I apparently needed some recharge time, and I didn’t really realize how much of a toll it had taken on me until I realized that today I’m kind of doing the same thing…

Up until my date later tonight that is.

But in the meantime, I have been trying to not really see or speak to any of the people in my house. Which is sometimes difficult. Especially when coming in, if the girls are awake.

Like the day I dropped my phone and apparently accidentally deleted my Tinder connection with the Transcendentalist.

chosen one

I had been trying to write a response, but didn’t want to sit in the car. I needed to take care of some girly stuff… Like change a cork (if you need help with that euphemism, you may not be old enough to be reading this blog).

I went into the house, and tried to go stealthily up the stairs and to my room, but not stealthily enough. The dog barked at me (probably because he’d been sitting outside with no water for a really long time), and so here come the girls. They had a friend over, and so they wouldn’t just let me go to my room. They had to introduce me to their friend, and follow me INTO my room. And make a joke about how I had laundry everywhere. 

Irony of ironies, they throw everything everywhere, so the 12 year old commenting on the state of my room, when the whole house looks like their luggage exploded angered me a little. Further angered me when she commented about a smell, which I think is directly related to someone taking my clothes out of the dryer before they were done. Half of my clothes are mildewed smelling, and I’m not  happy about it.

Not to mention, I had to sleep on wet sheets because the dryer wouldn’t actually dry them. No matter how many times I restarted it, they just got hot, but stayed wet. But that’s a separate incident.

So, the older of the girls was making fun of the mildew smell in my room, and kept getting in my way. And then blocked my way to the bathroom while I’m standing there with a tampon about to blow out because it was over an hour overdue to be changed. I finally had to tell her to move, at which point her friend said, “didn’t you hear her say she had to do girl stuff?”

At least someone was listening to me.

listening

So, while I was struggling with my stuff, and trying not to get blood on the carpet (take that how you will), I must have accidentally unmatched with the guy I’m going on the date with tonight.

It’s okay, though. Like I said, he looked me up on Instagram, and asked me if he’d done or said something wrong.

And, if you’ll remember, I thought I’d done something wrong.

saidsomethingbad

Like come on too strong.

Which I totally did, but he doesn’t seem to mind. I am a little concerned, though. I think it’s safe to say we’ve already agreed basically to be intimate on a first date, because we’re both in that frame of mind (and no, I’m not corked anymore, so no worries there), but perhaps I played it up a little much because he was trying to invite me over for a night of fun last night.

We haven’t met yet, face to face, so this could be problematic.

houstonwehaveaproblem.gif

What if it’s like with the Marine, or whatever we called him? You know, the guy who took me for coffee, but then when he saw me in person it wasn’t the same. He seemed put off by my height and my size.

I already know I’m going to be as tall as or taller than this guy. I usually tell people I’m 5’8″, when sometimes the doctor’s office tells me I’m only 5’6″, but my students all tell me they think I’m like 5’10″… until they stand next to me. But this guy put on his profile that he’s 5’7″. Even if I am only 5’6″ that’s without shoes (I always take my shoes off for that part to get an accurate reading). I know exactly which outfit I want to wear, but I have NO flats except my sneakers. Well, sneakers and my Dad’s A&M flip flops. And a couple of pairs of boots that will be way to hot for the Summer, even at night.

I want to wear the outfit I wore when the Pirate and I were intimate that last time. It got a reaction out of him, and that apparently speaks volumes since he doesn’t find me attractive. Plus I’m comfortable in it without my shapewear to hold me in, which is unique.

My shapewear is like my armor. It helps to keep me confident and relaxed, as odd as that is.

armor

But anyway. He just sent me a message to check in and see if we were still on, so I should go get ready.

The conversation had been really intense until I accidentally deleted him. Now it’s all sex stuff. Which, while it doesn’t bother me exactly, does concern me that I jumped too soon.

I was too angry about the way the Pirate treated me, and the way that woman friend of his interfered. Plus he’d woken up that part of me that goes a little wild, and never let me let her out completely. With him, the intimate moments were too scripted, too clinical, too formulaic for me to feel comfortable being myself.

I think a big problem of the whole thing was that I never was comfortable being myself with him. I was more comfortable in text than I was face to face, and even in text, he’d shut me down when I was being flirty. I really wanted him to come to my place, my comfort zone so I could be myself more. I really wanted to not give him some fantasy version of myself, but he was so busy telling me all about himself that I never felt like the time was right. Then we hit that 6 week mark, where the guy stops showing me the best version of himself, and I still hadn’t been able to really be myself, to have anything really my way, so I was comfortable enough to be me. I felt like I was just that nameless, faceless doll that I hate to be for guys.

mannequin

As such, while I was interested in him, and wanted to really express that to him in a way that felt honest to me, in a way that showed who I was, he couldn’t let down his barriers enough to do that. And it means I have a lot of pent up energy that needs an outlet, and soon!

While I like the idea of the Transcendentalist, it may be that the sexual frustration created by the Pirate has given him an opening where he’d have had to work a little harder before.

And maybe not.

He has been very intellectually stimulating, and a bit more spiritual than I’m used to. Plus he’s older. He’s 5 years older than me instead of 4 years younger than me, like the Pirate, and several of the other Tinderfellas have been. I’m not sure what I expect, or what I’m hoping for even in this situation, but worst case scenario, even if it is like the Marine and we only do the painting, It’s totally a painting I like, so that’s okay. I’ll enjoy the painting process, which I haven’t done in way too long!

But now I’m late!! Thanks for following along! And I’ll be sure to give you the run down tomorrow in our Weekly Coffee Share!

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10 thoughts on “Date Night! A quick update of things.

  1. I totally relate to avoiding my roommates. I used to do that a lot when I lived with rommates. Sometimes you just want to be left alone. Good luck on your date!

    • Then he should have actually talked to me before we got to this point. And he shouldn’t have sent you to speak for him. For one thing, since I have Asperger’s, I don’t get subtle hints, which you couldn’t have known, and he didn’t care to learn what that meant as far as how we interacted.

      • Beck says:

        Dude please stop saying you have Asperger’s. As far as I can tell you self diagnosed yourself and now go on and on about it to excuse a lot of your behavior and that’s kind of sickening. It takes a lot of extensive evaluation and testing with multiple specialists to obtain an Asperger’s diagnosis, not “I’m socially awkward and don’t get hints so I must have Asperber’s.” Its like your trying to get sympathy or something by blaming things on a syndrome you don’t even officially have and its insulting to people who actually do have it. Alex picked up on that and he didn’t like it.

      • I have undergone testing. I was officially diagnosed this year. So it’s still new to me and so I’m still figuring out what it all means. I’m not using it to excuse behavior, but rather there are patterns in my interactions with people, specifically men, some of which seems to relate to my condition. I bring it up because you specifically told me that he was trying to be “nice” about how he explained to me that he wasn’t interested in me. The questions I kept asking where to clarify if that was indeed what he was trying to tell me because it fit a particular pattern I’ve noticed. I specifically bring it up here because you rather rudely insinuated that I was just being stubborn and not accepting what he was saying to me, when in fact there was confusion, and he has said that part of what was wrong with our situation was that he was not clear with his intentions. This led me to have to guess what he wanted and the easiest way for me to judge based on a man’s reaction to certain stimuli, which means that I was stuck doing more observation than actual interaction, which didn’t phase him because he was so focused on talking about himself, that I could have said NOTHING and it wouldn’t have changed our time together. I know because there were several instances where I actually said next to nothing. I would bring it up to him because I’ve been hiding my real self for so long that most people don’t believe the diagnosis until they see a handful of symptoms THEY accept as being representative of an Aspie, and then I wanted to explain the things I’ve learned so he would understand certain things that I’m not sure how to deal with yet because I’m still learning about it, but they have been issues in past relationships. Subsequently, that’s why they’re on here. He was quick to tell me that I needed to leave him alone without me getting the clarification I was seeking because I’d told him that because of the Asperger’s it takes me a while to process things sometimes, and what I meant was my emotions about a thing, not the information itself. Though, yes, he says so much that sometimes it just gets filed away and then I have to replay his lecture in my head to figure out what was actually discussed. I told him about it because I was trying to let him know about me, and yeah, to let him know that there are some things that I may do that are considered weird or different, but I’m still learning that they’re not how everyone else does things and I’m still trying to figure out how to handle the situations without doing whatever weird thing makes sense to me but isn’t neurotypical. It’s a big reason why I was concerned about him not getting to see the real me, because while he would monopolize the conversation, I was still observing him and trying to decide if it was safe to be myself and didn’t want to accidentally present someone who wasn’t the real me, which instead is exactly what happened because we were always in his comfort zone and doing things he liked, and though it bothered me, I was still trying to figure out his intentions and so it was literally me observing him in his natural environment to determine how to read him better. What concerned me was that because I didn’t feel like an active participant in our interactions, I was afraid he wasn’t seeing the real me and that he would decide to get rid of me before seeing the real me, which is exactly what happened. Only he sent you to explain it to me instead of talking it out with me.

  2. Silvy says:

    Drama in the comment section! Holycrap, Beck, dude take a hint. Don’t assume and take your nose elsewhere.

    I for one want an update on the transcendentalist.

    • Thank you! I’m working on the Transcendentalist update now, though don’t get your hopes up: the painting wore him out… More details to come in the Weekend Coffee Share post that I’m writing now.

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