Two in one on a Tuesday

This weekend was insanely busy, so I missed the weekend coffee share (if you don’t know what that is, go check it out at ParttimeMonster.com). But, since what I was planning to share was the same as what I’d talk about on Tinder Adventure Tuesday, we’ll combine them here.

The basic rules of the coffee share are this: you imagine you’re having coffee with someone, and then tell them what you’d say. It’s meant to be more conversational for people who don’t keep a conversational blog style. I’m pretty conversational already, so it may be a bit redundant, but I like the idea of a day just to check in with how I feel and such.

Of course, this weekend, I was busier than a one armed paper hanger… which is not my favorite variation of that saying, but the most PC…

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Either way, if we were having coffee this morning, I’d tell you that, as expected, Tinder has made my dating life more interesting. If you’ll remember, I went out with one of my Tinderfellas on Tuesday, and I wasn’t really so sure what to make of him. He seems young, but he’s not that young, unless he’s lying on his profile.

I’m half tempted to ask for his ID.

He looks young, he sometimes acts young, but he’s fun, he’s intelligent, and he’s interesting.

He hasn’t lived the normal life. He seems to have that adventurous spirit that I sometimes wish I had. He’s been a pirate, or at least he’s played one at a resort. As such, I’m pretty sure that if he sticks around long enough that will be his nickname. It’s how I’ve started referring to him to my IRL friends, anyhow.

How often do you get to tell people you went out with a pirate?

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On the other hand, he did actually go on our date on Saturday dressed as a pirate. We didn’t make it to the museum because of the weather, and then it turned out he’d been there before and I wasn’t feeling up to just walking around anymore anyhow. So we decided to go to the movies, but had a while to wait, so we went to a restaurant instead.

We’d already had lunch, so we managed 2 meals in one date… I must have been having a good time to have spent so much time with him, because I spent the better part of a day with him.

My biggest concern is that I’m still not 100% certain what he wants. He’s the one who said friends, but doesn’t exactly act in a purely friendly manner. It makes me a little nervous because I can’t completely read his intentions, and I’ve been in that mess before.

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I seem to keep repeating the situation where I think a guy wanted one thing and he was really after another. It gets to be a bit messy after a while. And I seem to always end up in that place.

This guy seems genuinely sweet, and I’ve obviously never been with a guy who was genuinely nice. the Bartender was as close as I’ve ever been, and we know how that turned out!

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So, I’m enjoying my time with him, while I try to figure out what is going on there. I’m not sure how I feel about him because I haven’t decided if I trust him yet. I think that’s a safe place to be at the moment. I’m enjoying my time, learning him, seeing if there’s anything real/solid there.

But I have learned not to put all my eggs in one basket, as they say. So I still have my Tinder app. I went out Sunday with someone else (partly only because the Pirate was otherwise indisposed).

I know I will not be seeing that guy again. He also seems sweet, but he’s also after only the sex. He suggested relationship stuff a few times, and yet on a first meeting it was a little too pushy for my comfort.

While the Pirate made conversation, including conversation about sexual topics, preferences and what not, this other guy just alluded to things he’d like to do, and in a way that suggested they were guaranteed to happen, though I gave him no indication that such a thing would happen. I think it was supposed to make him appear confident, but in reality it was just pushy and uncomfortable.

And he tried to put his arm around me… not cool on a first meeting. Ever.

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I mean, I suppose it could be, under the right circumstances… but he placed his hand on the small of my back, like he was trying to push me or guide me. As such, I was uncomfortable just walking with him.

And conversation was uncomfortable all way around! The conversation would get to an interesting place, and then just as I’d get comfortable, he’d make one of those awkward comments that sounded like he was sure we were going to have sex sometime soon, or that assumed there was even a second date.

I think he was fishing,  to find out, but he did it so often that it was uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.

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The thing that really did him in was that he is one of those guys very into the open relationship. Similar to my ex from long ago (the one that proposed on Valentine’s), this guy was bisexual, and mentioned an open relationship for that purpose.

I attempted the polyamory thing with the Boy, though apparently he didn’t want to actually date me, so that wasn’t what he was doing. I’ve also been the other woman before, a time or three, and I don’t like the way that feels. As such, I’m just not comfortable with the open relationship anymore. I’ve tried it. It doesn’t work. In my experience, someone always gets hurt or gets jealous, and, again, it ends up being messy.

Furthermore, bisexuality doesn’t mean you NEED both sexes, it means you’re attracted to both sexes. If you’re in a monogamous relationship, then you don’t look at other people, whether you’re straight, gay, bi, pansexual, or whatever! There’s a stigma against bisexual people because people think it means they’re inherently selfish, and I don’t think that’s true. Truly bisexual people just see beyond gender to the heart of a person, and that’s what they fall in love with.

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This guy was trying to say he believed in open relationships because he was bisexual and that’s just code for he wants a reason to not be in a monogamous relationship. I’m not looking for that.

So, I managed to not give him my number, and I’m currently doing that thing I hate. I’m ghosting. Because I don’t know what else to say.

There are a couple others still in the Tinder cue, but I haven’t really been talking to them. The Pirate is taking up a bit of time, and I don’t mind. I am concerned we’re not in the same place emotionally, but, like I said, I’m trying to just go with the flow and enjoy things until I figure out what his end game is.

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If we were having coffee right now, I’d also tell you that I’d found out some of my poetry was going to be published. In an actual book, even! I’m kind of excited about it, but not really sure what to say, so I’m just sticking with the facts.

As soon as I know more, I’ll share with y’all. It is because of my readers that I keep writing, and so thank you for being supportive. It’s a small step to achieving my dream, but it is a step.

I am still working on my novel, and you can still vote for it at SOOP.com, if you’d like to help me get closer to my dream.

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In honor of my small publishing success, this week’s #JustAddTea virtual tea party will cover topics about Creative Writing.

We may even have a word sprint or two.

If you haven’t joined us, this would be a good week to do so. The party starts at 8 pm CT, which is 9 ET and 6 pm PT.

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Other than that, things are pretty much same as usual. If we were having coffee, this would be the point where I’d hand the conversation over to you. Feel free to comment below, or tweet me, @ellamays.

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