Tinder Adventures on a Tuesday

I had thought about giving up on Tinder. Had given up on Tinder, actually. I needed a few weeks on my own, not thinking about boys. Needed to get my head together, finish up the school year.

Technically, no, the school year is not finished, but I’ve got everything planned the way it needs to be. I’ve got copies made for everything except the final exam. I do have copies made for the final projects though, and most kids will do that instead of the 100+ comprehensive final… which is kind of a mess, but I didn’t get to make it or have anything to do with it, so… I am encouraging my students to do the final projects instead.Ā 

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But in the meantime, I have found that I miss the feeling of holding hands with someone while I watch a film, or talking about my day with someone who actually cares about me.

The Bartender did spoil me a bit with the way he seemed, in the beginning, to legitimately care about what I know he thought to be my silly feminine wiles. He would humor me as I talked about the successes I’d had on my blog, and as my Twitter followers grew. He didn’t understand it, and he knew it was mostly just a hobby, something to keep me busy, but he made me feel like I was doing something important, and it gave me the courage to take it to the next level.

I don’t need a man to help me to stay motivated, nor do I need a man for inspiration. I don’t need a man for anything, really… except an occasional diddling. But what I do need is a cheerleader. Someone who’s in my corner. Regularly.

And “need” isn’t really the right word. I’d like to have a man who is there to be supportive (emotionally) on a regular basis. I watched my mother do it all on her own, even though she was married for 40 years. I just don’t want to do it all on my own anymore.

So back to Tinder I go!

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I know, I know, it’s not a great place to go looking for much more than a quick romp in the hay, as they say, but I’ve had some luck. Mr. Nice Guy, though short lived, was really great for my ego. And the Bartender… well, I think if the situation had been a little different, things might have gone a slightly different way.

But they weren’t meant to. He’s not my soulmate, and I think I always knew that. I could tell what a coward he was long before he admitted to it. I just do not react well to cowardice in my men.

And, let’s be honest, he was a bit of a stand in. Some part of me really wanted to punish the Boy for his seemingly stringing me along. Even though he’d tell you that’s not what he was doing, it sure felt like it for a very long time.

It’s actually because of my experience with him that I was able to recognize the false hope that someone felt I was giving them on Twitter. And, if I’m really honest with myself, the end of that debacle made me realize that I missed being adored.

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There was a man on Twitter, about twice my age, making him way out of the realm of possibility for a romantic interest, and though I swore it wasn’t the case, he was in fact the inspiration for the poem “Insurmountable Distance.”Ā He is one of those older guys who doesn’t seem to really understand his own age. He likes to act younger, and hits on younger women (though since I blocked him he’s started telling people that he likes busty women his own age…). He admitted it, and he behaves in a way that has made at least one of my Twitter friends (the one who wrote about her love affair with romance) ask me if he was a teenager.

The big issue was that he doesn’t follow any type of etiquette on Twitter, and there are some unspoken rules. The one that bothered me the most is that he would jump into my conversations with other people.

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Yesterday I talked about how Twitter chat works, and I described Twitter like a cafe, and that’s really how I see it! If there are two or more people having a conversation, it’s usually pretty obvious. I mean, with a conversation, you have to click on the link that says “View conversation,” in order to make sense of it.

The freaking link even calls it a conversation!

And if you jump in on it, it’s kind of rude. It’s like walking past a table at IHOP and just jumping right in as if you know the people.

Admittedly, I’ve done that before, but, usually, I have enough sense to actually tell the people that I couldn’t help but overhear, or to apologize for jumping into the conversation. I didn’t always think to do that… It’s one of those #AspieProblems I’m learning how to deal with.

If you comment on a Tweet, particularly one that’s part of a conversation with other people, you shouldĀ have the sense to acknowledge that you’re jumping into someone else’s semi-personal conversation.

And sometime you don’t know for certain, and then if they don’t respond, you kind of figure it out.

This guy would jump into other people’s conversation, commenting about a tweet or two, and what’s worse, he would bring me in as if I was part of it!

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The final straw was when two people were saying hello and he asked them to explain to me that saying hello wasn’t flirting. As if I don’t already know that… I had told him that (since we’d only known each other 3 days when I said this) I found it slightly creepy that he was thinking about me enough to say hello when I wasn’t even online.

It’s not like he happened across one of my tweets because I was online and he was like “oh, she’s on, let me say hi!”

No, he would send me 5 or 6 direct messages while I was sleeping, and then tweet a hello to me while I was at work, because he wanted to make sure to say good morning while it was morning time.

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After 3 days of knowing me.

Creeper.

But, having blocked him, I have to say, a little part of me misses the adoration a little bit. It made me realize that I do miss having someone say kind words to me regularly, and not because they’re sucking up or want something, like my students might (one of them wished me a happy Mother’s Day today for Mexican Mothers’ Day, and said they were all my kids, so he thought it was important to say it to me… made me tear up a little), but because they legitimately like me and want to make me feel good because it makes them happy to make me happy.

The facade of that was what made me want to hang onto the Bartender for a while longer, even after the lies started to come out.

There is something powerful about feeling loved.

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So back to Tinder I go. I currently have 6 Tinderfellas talking to me. Three of which actually seem to want something more than sex, though at least 2 of those admittedly say they’d take just sex, if that was offered.

One said he’s looking for sex, but a relationship would be nice if everything lined up, yet when I ask him what it is he likes, he doesn’t say sex stuff, but rather relationship things… Not getting my hopes up, just think it’s interesting. I don’t know which is the fantasy for him. Is he telling me relationship stuff because he thinks that’s what it takes to get sex stuff? Or is he saying he wants sex because he thinks saying a relationship will run me off?

I have a date with one tonight (going to have to go soon to get ready) who says he just wants to be friends to get to know each other, and so NO sex stuff, because that complicates things, and it’s better to be friends first.

Not disagreeing with any particular point in his logic… Just, for a guy who has no expectations, he’s the first to ask me out. We matched yesterday. We’ll see. I’ll keep you posted of course.

Fingers crossed for me, please.

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5 thoughts on “Tinder Adventures on a Tuesday

  1. I like the fact that you a vulnerable enough to share that you love the feeling of being adored. I was wondering if you’d care to elaborate on how much pleasure you get from adoring others. Is it assumed to be a 2 way street? Have you adored someone for too long, only to realize one day that the adoration was not being returned? Have you ever tried to sit back and sense sincere adoration from someone else, whether you were looking for it or not, and assuming you were otherwise compatible, just do the best to raise your adoration levels to meet the other person’s? For truth, in disclosure, I’ve never sensed mutual adoration from anyone.. I’ve either been adored by someone I really didn’t like all that much, or I’ve adored someone who didn’t return it. I do therefore have a sincere interest in the study of how to reach mutual adoration and how it contributes to relationship parity.. I believe this is what you would refer to as being “in love.”

    • I’ve never been in a situation where the adoration levels were not heavily skewed. It is important for me to make sure the other person knows how I feel, so I utilize all 5 Love Languages to let them know that they are loved and adored.With the Bartender, I would drive to the town where he worked just so we could have lunch and take a nap together, and about 75% of the time, I was the one bringing lunch, whether I’d cooked it or bought it. I gave him presents, not always stuff that cost me anything, but just things that seemed important that he have them. With the Boy, it was the same thing, except his Love Language seemed to be exclusively Acts of Service, so I would offer to help whenever I could to show my affection. I don’t know how to love half way. It’s all or nothing. So, a good many of my relationships end because I realize too late that they keep me around simply to be adored. The Bartender was the first man in over 15 years to treat me like he adored me back, and it was all just a fantasy game for him. Which is why it hurt so very, very much. Sometimes it feels as if I’m simply not allowed to be loved. I’ve often thought that perhaps my only purpose in life was to make others feel loved even though it is never to be returned. And then I remember that my students legitimately love me (some of them, anyway), and my family. The Creeper on Twitter doesn’t really count because he didn’t really know anything about me except looks, and within 24 hours he was over me and hitting on a Transwoman in Chicago. I was curious if anything had ever been done since I reported him, and nope, he’s still being creepy, only now he’s bothering other people.

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