Posted in Dating

Tonight on #JustAddTea: Secrets

It’s Thursday, which means there will be a Twitter Chat tonight with the hashtag: #JustAddTea. It’s at 8pm Central time, which is 9pm ET and 6 pm PT. Tonight’s topic is Secrets.

It seems that subconsciously I’ve made this entire week about being true to oneself.

On #MarketingMonday, we discussed getting yourself out there on Social Media, and how you needed to be on all sorts of Social Media, including the ones that don’t make sense at first thought for marketing. You do this because people want to see the “real you.”

On Tuesday, we took that same idea and applied it to the classroom, for the same reason: Students also want to get an insight into who you are. It helps build relationships, and the best way to do that is, again, to be REAL.

Transparency is such a big thing these days…

Tonight we’re going to continue with that theme, and in our Twitter Chat, we’ll discuss secrets.


Secrets can destroy things. They tend to ruin relationships for sure, especially when the secrets come out. Several of my more recent relationships have been ruined because I’ve learned that there was a secret, or a half truth, that wasn’t told to me.

In more than one case, that secret or half truth involved another woman who the guy I’m seeing is actually involved with, making me the other woman. Somehow, me knowing that I’m the other woman occasionally makes me somehow feel special. Why? Because then I am in on the secret.

It’s not exactly a thing a nice person does or believes, but there is something gratifying about being in on the secret. It creates the illusion of closeness with the other person keeping the secret; makes me feel like I’ve been chosen as the preferred partner/lover.


It never  ends well for me, because, well, let’s be honest: a guy who can’t honor his previous commitment (especially if that commitment is to a WIFE) surely can’t honor a commitment to little ol’ me, the woman he’s just, as my students might say, “smashing.”

Much to the dismay of several of the men that I’ve been with through this particular recurring lesson (which is what it must be since I keep running into the same situation), this is not like the movie About Adam.

About Adam is a movie about a man who seduces and maintains a sexual relationship with 3 sisters. He meets the youngest sister first, played by Kate Hudson, and she falls so in love with him that she asks him to marry her. Before they can get married, he seduces the middle sister (the one most like me), who is in search of some wild passion to contradict her perception of Victorian female authors who have a repressed sexuality. He also seduces the married oldest sister, sleeping with her literally minutes before his wedding.

And yet, it is the youngest sister, his bride to be, who is concerned about secrets because she slept with her ex a few nights before the wedding.

There’s a scene near the end where she is trying to decide whether or not to tell him and he tells her that secrets are necessary. It’s kind of suggested that secrets are necessary because he’s going to continue sleeping with the other two sisters.

It’s one of my favorite movies, mostly because I can identify with all three sisters at some point. The youngest one gets her fairy tale romance: she kissed a lot of frogs before meeting her prince, and he’s perfect for her! The middle one gets her great passion: someone who understands her intellectually and sexually, but has no need for a serious commitment. The eldest is the one who knows about the other two, and yet has an itch that needs to be scratched and can (with little to no guilt) get it scratched. She is hurting no one, so long as they don’t get caught…

I think, sadly, Adam is kind of my view of what all most men are like. Not just because of the movie, but because I keep meeting men who reinforce this idea that keeping a secret lover is just natural.


But we won’t be focusing on that sort of thing for tonight’s discussion.

Tonight will we discuss some of this? Sure!

There’s definitely a question about the biggest secret a S.O. has definitely kept from you, but then there’s also some questions that are more interested in how you feel about the upcoming Marvel movie: Captain America: Civil War. Questions about whether or not you are Team Cap or Team Iron Man, and what your superhero name would be are on the list.


I am very excited about this movie, though I won’t be able to watch it this weekend, so no spoilers, please.

I hope to see you tonight at the #JustAddTea Twitter Chat. Tonight at 8 pm Central Time, 9 pm ET and 6pm PT.



High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

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