Tonight on the #JustAddTea TwitterChat, we’ll be discussing rejection! That horrible thing that we all fear when in the dating world. I’ve talked about it a bit on here, mostly through the discussions of the new way of looking at gender roles, or rather the attempt to completely destroy gender roles in the dating sphere.
I’ve talked about how, in an attempt to help out, girls have started stepping up to ask the guy out. That’s totally acceptable now. And in theory, it’s very helpful! It takes the stress off the guy, because he knows you’re interested! Right?
I mean, come on! That’s exactly what apps like Tinder and Bumble are all about: mutual attraction matches that let you know that you’re less likely to be rejected!
Before you ever talk to the person, you know if they’re interested. Or not.
It’s all because this generation has become so focused on Instant Gratification. I was able to get my classes to understand this concept because we’re reading Brave New World. Even my high schoolers were aware that if we want to know something, who do we ask? Siri. Siri knows everything, and if she doesn’t, Google will help her find the answer.
Instant answers. No effort. No fear of a mistake.
We’re getting lazy. We’re afraid to take the risk! If it’s not a guarantee, then no way! Not doing it…
Which makes dating sort of difficult. It’s the risk that makes dating fun.
Well, maybe that’s not exactly accurate, but if you’re always afraid of the risk, you’ll never find happiness. Whether we’re talking dating or not!
But in dating, that risk has become even scarier. We’ve forgotten how to communicate with one another. Instead of actually telling someone what’s going on, we’ve taken to Ghosting.
Ghosting has become the main way in which we reject one another. I know I’ve been more guilty of ghosting on my friends than on my lovers, but I’ve been on the other end of the ghosting thing a lot… It’s still easier than actually confronting people and trying to politely telling them that they’re not quite what you’re looking for, but man is it rude!
I’ve recently had to try to explain this concept to someone. Sometimes there’s just no chemistry… and I have to figure out how to tell that to the new Tinderfella. Assuming he isn’t just ghosting on me now.
He and I discussed how we both dislike ghosting, but it seems to me that most men who say they don’t like ghosting are the type to ghost. Anyone remember the guy who was an hour away? He said it first, that ghosting was rude. Then as soon as I asked him if we could just meet already, he absolutely disappeared.
I think perhaps the newest Tinderfella is doing the same thing.
I understand the appeal. You don’t know how to politely tell someone to disappear, so you just stop talking to them. It’s not subtle, so while it may take a little bit (longer for those of us on the spectrum), eventually the other person will get the hint, and all you have to do is nothing.
You literally don’t have to do anything.
But how hurtful is it to basically tell someone (by not telling them) that they’re not even worthy of a response? They’re not even worth a 5 second text?
Worst form of rejection ever, in my opinion.
Not that any rejection is really any good…
At least, I suppose, it wasn’t the “It’s not you, it’s me,” speech, which is, as everyone knows, a total crock of bull! It is totally you! You’re not what I want because X, Y, or Z is wrong with you, but I want to be nice, so I’m going to say it’s my fault. I know that sounds hopeful… but it’s not. Don’t wait for me. I’m not changing my mind.
Yeah, I hate that speech, too.
How do you feel about rejection? And do you have a great brush off story? Please share in the comments below, or better yet, come join us on Twitter at 8 pm Central Time, 9 pm Eastern. Don’t forget the hashtag: #JustAddTea