Posted in Advice, Aspergers, Dating

How soon is too soon?

Yesterday I shared that there have been others since the Bartender already. Nothing serious… though my admirer, married guy number 5, speaks very seriously of possessing me.

Like I said yesterday, it’s not likely I’ll ever meet him, but it is nice to be noticed from time to time.

Speaking of, obviously I’m back on Tinder again. The Bartender has done a bit of damage. Not as much as the Boy, but enough that I’m finding my patience is very thin with some of these guys. I changed my profile to explain that it’s mandatory to actually have an intelligent conversation with me first, and then explained exactly why it would be worth their while. 


That’s not quite what I said, but it’s a good reason for some, and would definitely get me more matches!

Albeit, not the right type of matches, but a girl likes to have her options, you see.

I also widened my personal criteria for what would get a right swipe. I’m trying to see if perhaps the Bartender was right when he said that I just like assholes. We know he fit the bill for sure, but I like to think that I don’t just pick a guy because he’s a jerk.

Let’s call it a social experiment of sorts.

The first guy to actually speak to me after I changed my profile message was someone I wouldn’t have described as cute. Not ugly, just not what normally attracts me. Similar to the French guy, none of his pictures were really close enough to get a good look, but he had that super nerd look going for him.

I like them kind of geeky, but I usually draw the line at full on nerdtastic.

But, we’re trying to find someone who’s not an asshole, so we’re going outside of our normal comfort zone.

Lo and behold, we hit it off a bit. He likes comic book movies, and we discussed anime.

In fact, we were supposed to go see the Batman V Superman movie… I wanted to see it again so I could give a proper review. I’m concerned that my previous review was tainted by my experience with the Bartender.

Rather, I feel that perhaps I was easier on the movie than it deserved because the Bartender made me feel pretty good during the movie. It was his attempt to let me have the perfect fantasy.

But this new guy hadn’t seen the film yet. We were originally going to see it yesterday, but he had a meeting. Plus, I get the impression that perhaps he realized that a Tuesday date was probably some sort of blow off. It is a weird day for a date, and I had suggested it because I wasn’t really feeling him, but I wanted to give him a shot, especially because the conversation had potential.

I figured that if nothing else we could become good friends.

just friends.gif

And then today he asked me who I was supporting in the upcoming election…

Not a terrible question. One of my girl friends and I had discussed how she had met a guy she was interested in, but then he started spouting a very conservative rhetoric that actually made her sick to her stomach.

I had thought she had been exaggerating, but I don’t think that anymore.

I had told him I wasn’t sure because none of the candidates really appealed to me.

He responded by telling me that he was voting Republican and definitely supported Trump.



Seriously. And not in an “I want to help start the Apocalypse” kind of way.

Needless to say we are not going to the movies tomorrow.

So here’s my question: When is it to soon to show your crazy?

Technically asking someone who they are voting for isn’t crazy, but I’m pretty sure thinking Donald Trump is a viable candidate IS!! Especially if the reason you are voting for him is because you agree on his stance on immigration. Because, yeah the man’s totally going to build a wall and get Mexico to pay for it.

Because the best thing for this country would be to alienate more people!

I’m going to walk away from that angry tangent because I just don’t have the time right now, nor do I wish to be that angry at a man I’m not ever going to talk to again. I blocked him without even officially telling him we’re not going on our date tomorrow.

The point is there are obviously things that shouldn’t be shared up front when starting a new relationship. People have told me that perhaps I shouldn’t share that I have Asperger’s because it is kind of a scary sounding thing.

Admittedly, if you don’t know what it is, it does sound a little like some sort of incurable STD.

The problem is that I’m still learning about how to deal with my condition, and the biggest obstacle I have is navigating relationships. I tried not talking about it up front, and I scared Mr. Nice Guy away because I became anxious and realized my mistake, but felt like I should be able to explain my situation to him. He was not receptive.


Meanwhile, the Bartender was super understanding about it. I don’t know if that’s because we had a real connection, or because of the way I introduced it, or if he was just unique, or if it was just part of him playing up the fantasy…

So now, I have to decide if it’s a thing I should just avoid talking about, or if it’s okay to tell people at all.

I’m leaning towards telling people. Someone who is scared off that easily wouldn’t stick around in the long term anyhow… More than that, though, it’s a major part of who I am and hiding it would be the same as hiding my religious, sexual, or political preferences. Eventually it will come up, and what happens if feelings have been developed but it’s a dealbreaker for the other person?

Imagine if I’d gotten involved with this Trump supporter and really made a connection only to find out he was voting for the Antichrist and actually believed in him!






High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

2 thoughts on “How soon is too soon?

  1. I say be upfront, its part of who you are! Don’t ever hide to fit in with a man who this would potentially be a deal breaker for! bEcause that isn’t the kind of person you would ever want to be with anyways! If they’re worth their salt they won’t be put off!

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