Posted in Advice, Dating

How NOT to pick up a Sapiosexual. But How TO get rid of a meathead.

I think by now, if you’ve been keeping up, you’ll know that I am quite the Sapiosexual. Before you get all incensed about how perverse that makes me, you need to realize that sapiosexual means I’m attracted to intelligence. Smart people turn me on. Meaning big vocabularies get my attention, good book discussions are great icebreakers, even a debate on politics, if done properly, can put me in the mood for romance.

Well… maybe not politics, but a good debate, especially if my opponent is passionate about his opinion, can definitely get my juices flowing a little bit.

I’m not the only one. There’s this thing that I’ve seen at least a dozen times on Facebook talking about how guys should pick girls up in bookstores by buying them books; how it would be more successful than buying them drinks in a bar…


So imagine how piqued my interest was when a guy sent me a completely random compliment on Goodreads!

A couple of days ago, a gentleman from Philadelphia commented on my profile pic on Goodreads, telling me how gorgeous my eyes were. I thought it over for a few days, and as I’m trying to build my reader base a little bit (remember, I’m working on a novel), I thought it a good idea to send him a friend request.

It took me a little over a day to mull it over and decide if he would be worth the time. On the one hand, it’s always good to be complimented. Plus, he was contacting me in what is sort of a virtual book store or book club, so he’s got to be at least somewhat intelligent. On the other hand, of all the things he could have used to start the conversation, he began with my eyes… His mind probably wasn’t on the books.


But, I’m writing a novel, I need to increase my reader base, I can handle a little flirting to achieve my goal…

Plus he was pretty damned hot! His pics on Goodreads were more like what I would have expected on a dating site. There was even the standard shirtless muscle flex pic.


I wasn’t kidding… That’s the pic. Like his actual pic… I figure it’s safe to share since there’s no head. Plus it’s on Goodreads. Not like he’s hiding it. I don’t even think you can make your pics private on Goodreads.

There were other pictures, ones with his head, the head on his shoulders I mean, and yes, he is very attractive.

But… I’m pretty smitten with the Bartender. And even if I wasn’t, pretty looks aren’t enough to do it for someone as Sapiosexual as I am.

So, I sent him a friend request. And he thanked me for it. At a loss for what to say, but also because I’m a big ol’ flirt, I did tell him that I couldn’t resist a man who complimented my eyes.


Yeah, that was a mistake.

He started trying to tell me how he was sure he’d have to wait in line to compliment me if he was in the same state as I am, and how he was sure I looked even sexier with my glasses on. But he called them specs, and didn’t use the word sexy.

That intrigued me. So he was looking for a nerd girl? I can appreciate that. Remember the Boy told me I rock Nerd Girl Sexy, And I happen to have quite a few pics of me in my glasses looking nice because I send them to the Bartender because he makes me smile and likes to see my smile.

So I added a picture of me with my glasses on my Goodreads profile.


Yes, I know. You know those don’t feed the animals signs? They’re for people like me.

My curiosity got the best of me. And then quickly let me down.

While I was trying to initiate a real conversation by asking him about his story, and teasing him about hitting on random girls on Goodreads, he immediately started talking about my lips.

And when I tried to tell him that I didn’t think that line of questioning was going to lead to a good place because it would just frustrate me, he just got dirtier.

I never played along, other than to ask a question here or there, or answer one, but I never said anything dirty, and for about an hour he tried to sext me in a private message on Goodreads.


Not once did he mention a single book he’d read or ask me about any books I’d read. Even when I told him that I was a teacher and trying to become an author, he still didn’t try to engage in conversation. Just sexting.

So I let him go on for, like I said, about an hour, and then I told him it just wasn’t working for me, which was a shame because he was hot. I told him I need more intellectual foreplay than that.

I’m sorry. I am not feeling this tonight. I can’t even give you the headache excuse. I think I require a little more intellectual foreplay. I’m sapiosexual. You’ve got an impressive bookshelf, and you get points for hitting on me in what amounts to a virtual book store, but this isn’t really working for me. I’m not nearly as excited as I should be. Which is a shame because you’re hot! But my mind is bored…

I was sure that I wouldn’t hear back. The Bartender, however told me that it was the smartest way to tell a guy (politely) to go away. He said that it kills a guy’s game, or at least that’s how I interpreted it.

Basically, if a guy is trying to get your attention, and he’s not getting the subtle hints that you’re not interested, by saying “Sorry, this just isn’t working for me,” you have given him an out… albeit not exactly an easy one.


At that point he can CHOOSE to continue hitting on you even though you’ve basically told him that he’s boring you, or he can CHOOSE to ask you what would work (we’ll come back to that one in a sec), or he can walk away and save face because you’re too much effort. He can go back to his man cave with his other meathead friends and tell them how stuck up you were and that you just weren’t into the awesome game he was throwing down because you’re high maintenance, or whatever drivel meatheads say to other meatheads about why a girl’s just not into their awesomeness.

Any guy who chooses to continue hitting on you at that point, you have the right to be rude. Block them if it’s on an app or social media. Delete and block their phone number. Be as rude as necessary, because that type of guy is never going to respect you. It will only end in tears. And possibly violence.


Avoid that guy at all costs!

But Goodreads guy surprised me (and just like that he has a nickname). He came back asking me to teach him how to seduce me because he’s not one to back away from a challenge and he finds me attractive.

The phrasing about not wanting to “back away from a challenge” is a little…ego-centric, assholic alpha male, but he might actually be interested in me as a person after all, and that is a nice change from the norm.

I don’t know what I’d do with myself if I had TWO guys who actually liked me for me, and who were talking to me at the same time! If it turns out they’re both INTELLIGENT to boot? I may die of excitement!




High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

7 thoughts on “How NOT to pick up a Sapiosexual. But How TO get rid of a meathead.

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