I just left the Specialist’s office. I’m not sure what to call her. I thought she was a therapist. Turns out she’s not… She wants to throw medication at me, and well, while that may help in the short run, we know that’s not going to help in the long run… Whatever she is, we had a breakthrough today! She finally heard me!
Whereas last time I’d seen her, she kept trying to twist my answers to fit the diagnosis that made more sense to her (because I should have been diagnosed as a child, even though I wasn’t), this time she actually listened to what I was saying. Last time, when I tried to explain to her my need for routines to help keep me functioning, she heard that I was OCD, and yeah, I’ll be honest, my shower routine is a little OCD… and I do color code my closet… But anyone who’s seen my desk, or anyone who’s ever been to my house when I’m not sticking to a routine, will tell you OCD is not my issue.
There was one time, during one of my crashes way back in college, that my mother came to help me clean, and there were things growing in my dishes that had been piled in the sink for a really, really long time. We threw them out and bought new.
So… not OCD, or OCP or whatever Obsessive Compulsive thing she was trying to label me.
I’m not 100% sure at what point she realized that I was telling her the truth about having Asperger’s, but I think it had to do with the point where I explained to her that while I had thought the Boy and I were working on a relationship for a long time (on and off for over a year), he would tell you we only dated for maybe 6 weeks, and probably he wouldn’t even admit to that. Something about that disconnect finally hit a nerve with her.
Somehow my failed relationship with the Boy made her realize that I miss social cues.
I guess if I ever see him again, I’ll thank him for showing me just how broken I really am…
There was a goodly portion of our whatever it was that I really didn’t know what was going on at all, and so I reacted to how he treated me and nothing more. But if you don’t understand the basics, it makes it really difficult to determine what the appropriate response is in the first place.
Plenty of people have told me that the fault wasn’t with me, but with him…
Either way, he isn’t a part of my life anymore, so it doesn’t matter.
Now there’s the Bartender, who, much to my chagrin, couldn’t make it back in time to have a nice evening with me. He got stuck in New York with a friend. He’d driven there to help his friend get the car to New York in the first place, and they were to take a flight home. Both of them work for the airline, so they can fly free, but they’re on standby.
Snow kept them from leaving in the morning, like the original plan was, and they’re alternate flight was full. He spent the night in the airport… Poor guy.
Or he’s lying to me… I don’t think that’s the case, but it is, of course, too early to tell for sure.
And again, having to discuss the Boy at all makes me inherently suspicious of all things male…
Life would be so much simpler if people just said what they actually meant.
And if they followed through with what they said!
Back to my victorious meeting with the Specialist.
She’s decided it may take a month or so to get me to a functioning form of normal… So she wants to keep me out of work until Spring Break. I don’t particularly think this is a good idea, but I also want to actually get to the point where I function and am not going to crash anymore.
She wanted to keep me out until April, and I told her I definitely couldn’t do that!
So at the moment, I feel like I’m in one of those hurry up and wait holding patterns. It’s progress, but very small progress.
In the meantime, I’m going to keep working on my writing projects, and hopefully take that to the next level. It would be wonderful if, because of this, I was able to publish something.
Of course, to make that a reality, I need some help…
Click the link below. It will take you directly to the page to vote for my novel idea. Scroll down about half way down the page and plug in your name and email to vote for my book. It will give you updates for when the book reaches enough votes to be published with links to buy it.
If you’re curious for a sneak peek, you can always check out the rough draft on Tablo by clicking here: The Secrets of Seashells.