Today I had to do lab work, so I’m just now eating for the first time all day. Fasting. You know how it goes… Meanwhile, I messed up my roommate’s job interview because I screwed up the bathroom schedule by trying to sleep in so I wouldn’t be absolutely starving by the time my appointment came up.
I didn’t know she had a job interview.
I also didn’t know what her bathroom schedule was because I’m usually gone by then…
It made for a not so great morning.
Meanwhile the absence from work isn’t making me feel super safe, though it’s all on the up and up.
So today I’ve been poked and prodded, yelled at, nearly fainted from hunger, and it’s not even noon yet.
But, I am at my diner, and I now have food in my belly. One of the things I love about my diner is that they make their own Ranch dressing. How do I know? Because today it is higher in dill than the last time I was here. And in my nearly famished state (have I ever mentioned I’m prone to exaggeration?), the extra dill makes me very happy. My doctor would probably have a fit if she knew I was eating anything with Ranch. It’s not exactly healthy… but it’s on a salad. That should count for something.
The extra dill was a much needed little plus because the manager really tried to not allow me to sit in my spot by the window. I haven’t seen her before. Then again, this isn’t exactly my usual time to be here… But I think my waiter has figured out who I am. I know that some of the girls who wait on me in the evenings know I will be here for a while, and they also know that I tip well for taking up a booth for a long time. My waiter seems to be aware that he needs to take care of me and make sure my tea doesn’t get empty.
Either that or he is just a really good waiter who takes care of all of his customers.
So, perhaps my day is making a turn for the better. Plus, I do have some things to look forward to.
First up, the Bartender is mine, all mine, this evening! He is my light in the darkness at the moment. While work and home don’t feel totally stable, he always makes me smile with his “Good morning, Angel,” texts, and his compliments, telling me how beautiful I am and how he can’t wait to see me again. I have to be careful because I do remember how badly the Boy reacted when I needed to lean on him.
Of course, the argument could be made that it was because he was just a boy… the Bartender, while smaller in stature is so much more in personality and responsibility. When I was supposed to go to a Super Bowl party on the other side of town (ended up not going, I had a horrible headache), he texted just to make sure I was okay. And when I sent him a text telling him I could use a hug this morning, he told me he’d be glad to give me as many hugs as I needed this afternoon when we saw each other again.
He appreciates my touch, too, which is such a nice difference from some of the guys in the past. If we go through the list, working backwards, there was the Married Guy, who was fond of touching, which made me happy, but it was more like a comfort thing for him. He needed to be touching me, but it wasn’t the sensual touch that the Bartender requires, and which I’ve been craving since as far back as before the Boy.
I never touched the Comedian. Or the handful of guys who ghosted because I actually wanted to meet them…
The Investment Broker, and his one date, was awkward at best with his touching. It was for the purpose of trying to get me in bed, and he had no game… Anyone else remember how he mashed on the top of my head in an attempt to cuddle on his couch?
Then there was Mr. Nice Guy. He was alright with touching, or rather with me touching him, but he wouldn’t return the favor. He let me know, when I put my hand on his leg and was concerned that he might not approve, that it didn’t bother him, but he wasn’t the PDA type of guy, so not to expect him to return the gesture.
Superman was very cuddly, but I don’t know how to explain the difference… I liked Superman’s touch, but similar with his seductive look, it was almost like it was something he had observed and assumed was a necessity. It lacked… warmth? Is that the right word?
Or maybe I am remembering it less fondly now that I know how false he was. I think I craved that touch so much because the Boy was so uncomfortable with it, and the Artist was only interested in one thing, so at the time, it felt nice, and I put a lot of stock in it being important.
And maybe I’m doing the same here, but the Bartender has so many of the good qualities that I’ve been looking for… There’s the sensual touch, and the compliments, and he’s respectful almost to the point of being submissive, and yet when I’ve tried to convince him to change his plans in favor of what I want, he is the right amount of forceful that I don’t get my feelings hurt when he tells me no.
Well, he also tells me that while he’s usually happy to be sort of submissive, that he wants to possess every inch of me, and the last time we saw each other, when he spent his “nap” time between shifts having brunch with me, we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other. There’s a passion there, and yet he can control that passion in order to take care of his business, yet he lets me know how badly he wishes he could just give into that passion… It’s unbelievably sexy!
Plus did I tell you that we kissed before we even said hello?
How freaking romantic is that?!
It’s put me in quite the predicament because I know I should be going slow. As bad as I’m doing with the rest of my life, if this falls apart, it could be my undoing, but it feels so amazingly right.
And I’m the one trying to slow us down, not him. I take that as a good sign.
This post was originally meant to be about all the issues in my life, but see how he makes me feel so amazing that I can’t even think about the bad things?!
In other news, my book idea, The Secrets of Seashells, has been picked up by Something Or Other Publishing for a possible contract.
I’ve been posting my progress on Tablo for some time now, but Something or Other Publishing is kind of a neat idea: they put the book idea out there to be voted on. If you like the story idea, you simply vote for it, and if it gets enough votes, the author is offered a contract.
This story is another one of the things keeping me grounded while the rest of my life seems to be falling apart, so to actually publish it would be a dream come true. I’ve put an excerpt here. Give it a read and then if you don’t mind, click on over to Something Or Other Publishing and vote for it. You’ll find a custom url below.