The Tinder Let Down

My Tinder experiences have been primarily good; you might have noticed, if you read my post about achieving the goals I’d set last New Year. The men who’ve made it to the stage of actually meeting me have all been super complimentary, more than one using the word “stunning” to describe me, and several of them being that kind of touchy-feely affectionate that I really crave. Suffice it to say, I have had considerably better luck than I ever expected.

That’s not to say there haven’t been a few duds.

And a few setbacks…

Until recently, the biggest problem I’d had was the accidental left swipe.

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That’s not actually true.

Though it’s happened a time or three…

My only real problem has been that more people are on Tinder just for a hookup than what I had originally suspected based on the profiles that I kept coming across. People had all told me that Tinder was just a hookup App, but I’d seen so many profiles suggesting that they didn’t want a hookup, I thought it was one of those urban myths or something, but maybe that’s not the case. I keep coming across these profiles that specifically say they aren’t looking for a hookup, so I know hope there are people out there looking for (as the Artist told me once) something real.  But I think it is first and foremost a hookup app…

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But I’m still hopeful.

So I plod along, swiping left, left, left, and left again. Occasionally Rarely I’ll find someone who is really amazing and I’ll swipe right.

The men and boys in my life obviously have no idea how picky I am, or what a huge compliment it should be to them that I find them worthy of consideration! The Boy never appreciated it, or he would never have treated me so callously. Nor did the Artist. Don’t even get me started on Superman!

And when I finally meet the guys I’ve swiped right for, I usually consider it a worthwhile experience… at least to some extent.

Mr. Nice Guy got my hopes up. He was intelligent, handsome (although, yeah, his ears were too small, and his nose was a bit rounder than I like), a good conversationalist, and he’d been celibate since his last girlfriend, over a year or two ago. When that first let down happened, I seemed to be the only one surprised that it didn’t end in a potentially happily ever after  style relationship. I had hoped for something a little more long term than what I got, but it was a really great experience while it lasted, and I can look fondly back at what little time we had together.

Besides, maybe he’ll show up again…

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Then there was the Investment Broker, who, although not a good fit romantically, did buy me dinner, and he was at least a little bit fun… although he was also a bit insulting when he tried to guilt trip me for an oral… favor…

And he, too, made me feel really beautiful because of the way he described me (he and Mr. Nice Guy were the ones who called me “stunning”) and the way he tried to seduce me, even though he had absolutely NO game.

The Comedian… well, he made for good conversation in text, and he wooed me for well over a week (maybe even two) before we actually went out. While he’d been funny in text, it didn’t transfer well to a face to face meeting, but I like to think his efforts to make me laugh were because he was trying to win me over so we could go out again, and not that he just wanted to try out his comedy material on me.

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The Married Guy (formerly the Stripper) was the touchy-feely affectionate that I really love! He made me feel special in the way he touched me. He’s probably definitely gone… living an hour away (or more if there’s traffic) and very married (abiding in the same abode…whatever!) tends to put a damper on building relationships.

And there have been more than a handful of others to whom I have enjoyed talking, even though they haven’t impressed me enough to meet in person.

So where’s the let down?

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There has been a pattern: talk on Tinder for a bit, meet in person, and then maybe, or (more likely) maybe not see each other again. But each time I have learned something about what I want and who I am while dating.

And then, there was one who seemed to be absolutely perfect! He’s not only the combination of positive traits of some of the guys from my past, but when I told him about my Asperger’s and about how it means that I have a schedule that I conform to, and bringing someone new into my schedule means that I expect some sort of commitment, instead of running and screaming into the underbrush like most of the people from my past, he said he could relate to me better and sent me a screenshot of his phone with his morning alarms which he needs to be successful, each of which is a reminder to do something. Some of them were at less than ten minute intervals. He needs a routine more so than even I do! And it’s refreshing for a guy to be so open.

But he lives an hour away…

Tinder doesn’t really tell distance very well.

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This is not one of my conversations… I stole this pic from Buzzfeed.

And thus, we haven’t been able to meet yet! It saddens me a bit because he seems to have a lot of the qualities I’m looking for. He’s a grown up, which is an obvious improvement over my past mistakes. He’s nerdy; we connected over a discussion of Star Wars and a second discussion about Monty Python skits. He swiped right solely because I was holding a book in my profile pic, so he values intelligence, which is very important to me. He’s a dog lover (good, since he and I both have dogs).

He even has a handful of really random similarities to some of the guys from the past. Like his favorite Ninja Turtle is Donatello, like Superman, which is why I made him the Ninja Turtle heart for Valentine’s Day last year.

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And his degree is in Art because he wanted to be a comic book artist, like the Artist.

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The new guy’s work, not the Artist’s.

And then there’s the way he is wooing me with words which is reminiscent of how the Boy and I began, with weeks and weeks of online/text communication where we learned a lot about each other so our first date had plenty of material for a good date with very little awkwardness (other than the incident with the Pho… that stuff smells awful!).

Now, one of the things that made me decide the Universe put the Boy in my path was that maybe a month before I met him, a different guy had shown up at a different event at the same spot and I had been meeting the same people (my Geeky guys), and he had looked similar to the Boy, but I had not been quite as attracted to him. The similarities were enough that a catch phrase of his ( I’d say “so…” and he’d say “sew buttons”) got stuck in my head and I once said it to the Boy expecting him to get it… because I thought it had been one of his phrases. I took it that the first guy (who even if I had been as attracted to him, he didn’t follow up with me) was like a practice run.

It was a sign that the Boy was important.

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Then, afterwards, I could see how certain  experiences from my past had been preparing me for certain trials that I experienced with him… Well, up to the point where I kept repeating mistakes with him.

So, I feel like maybe this new guy could be something special. And yet, I don’t think we’re ever going to get around to meeting*…

When Tinder did it to me again (with a professor of Philosophy who engaged me in such an intellectually stimulating conversation that I was seriously considering proposing to him right then and there), I was ready to give up…

Why is it that lately the only ones who are worth the effort are so damned hard to meet?

*On the off-chance that he and I do meet, I need a nickname for him, so please leave me a suggestion in the comments below.

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3 thoughts on “The Tinder Let Down

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