In my last post I was busy kvetching about all the “winners” I’ve met on Tinder and how they at least have been good for my ego. Strangely enough, the ones who just want sex (even though I don’t accommodate them) are the ones who are the best for my ego.
It’s amazing what men will say to get in your britches…
I also was excited because one of the Tinder guys was back out of nowhere. Not Mr. Nice Guy, although he did pop back up in a Tinder swiping session a while back… wish I’d swiped right to see what would happen. Oh well. It was the Stripper… who’s not really a stripper. He’s a salesman who at one point had wanted to be a preacher. And from Jamaica, although he’s white, and has amazing blue eyes.
I was excited because we’d had a really great date on a Thursday at the museum. Great date, things seemed positive, we’d made plans to go back out on the following Tuesday. And then…
And then like magic, a couple of days ago he was back!
It was exciting for me because he’d had real promise. He was smart, I loved his eyes. He’d been interesting and I’d surprised him with something I’d said about Jamaica because of a post I’d done on here some while back… We’d had a particularly great make-out session in his car like teenagers, but he didn’t push for sex. Said all of the right things, but then he wouldn’t respond to texts very well. I even tried to contact him again on Tinder, but he didn’t respond.
So I deleted him.
And then when he came back I was really happy. I’d been not so sure about him, but he’d exceeded my expectations, and he seemed like a really solid guy. He had a good job, drove a really nice car, was intelligent and cute… The only issue was that he had a couple of kids that he had on the weekends… or so he’d kind of alluded to.
He’d accidentally said something about his kids, and there was something about how he reacted when I caught that he had kids that made me question. It was just a little thing. We’d been looking through pictures at the museum and he was telling me a story of why he was so strong in his faith. A story about how his mother had almost died and was on life support and something told him not to pull the plug and she’d woken up from a coma to have a few more months and that it was kind of a miracle type situation.
He’d commented something about her being like his daughter. And I commented on it. He’d made a joke about it, but the look on his face when I commented let me know he was holding something back, so I pushed the point a little, and he fessed up that he had two kids. During our make-out session, or right before it actually, he showed me a picture of them and they were really cute. But it was incongruous with something he’d said while making plans for our follow up date.
He’d said that weekends were off limits because of his kids. He was going to have them this weekend so he’d be out of pocket for most of the weekend. First it was just the one weekend, and then ALL weekends were off-limits because of them.
And that just didn’t feel right.
Not wrong that he had kids, mind you. We’re both over 30 and most people my age have at least one kid by now, it seems. I know almost all of my friends have kids, or at least the ones who want kids and are heterosexual do.
I seem to be the last holdout, and it’s primarily because I don’t want to do it by myself, and I’m exceedingly picky.
And also, as the Boy would probably tell you, I’m weird and apparently clingy and all sorts of other not so great things… yeah I don’t know why he and I keep trying to do the friends thing. I don’t think he actually likes me, but he says he does, so we’ll see. He and I had another fight, two of them, within 24 hours. One day I’ll learn and just walk away, but it’s like my mom’s view on sick animals: if the animal will still eat, there’s still hope. With the Boy, as long as he’ll still fight FOR us and not just AGAINST me, there’s hope.
In theory, anyway.
But something about the way the Stripper was inconsistent about the topic of his kids was off. He made it seem like he only had them on weekends, but yet showed me a video of him dropping them off at school. That very morning.
And I’d asked about their mother, and his response was just that they were cool. I commented that he was lucky then, because a lot of people I know don’t have good relationship with their exes. He didn’t really say anything about that.
I know it was a little thing, but it stuck in my brain.
This is one of the things that bugs me about my situation with the Boy… See, my intuition is usually right on. I usually know when things aren’t going to last with a guy. I knew when things were going south with Mr. Nice Guy, but I also knew that he said things were okay so I pushed. I knew not to trust the Investment Broker;I wasn’t feeling him as much as he was feeling me, and also something about the way he would get when I would tell him I needed to get off the phone after our really long conversations made me uneasy. I knew I wasn’t going to enjoy my time with the Comedian, but I wanted to see the movie and not be a shallow person because he was short and didn’t drink.
And each time my intuition was right on.
It bugs me that with the Boy I can’t tell if I’m right and need to walk away, or if my belief that maybe I should walk away is part of the problem with us… Lots of people tell me I should walk away, but there’s just something about him that makes me hold on!
So when my spidey sense started to tingle about the Stripper, even after he came back and was talking to me, I finally broke down and asked.
I wanted to be wrong. I wanted him to be the guy who could give me what it was I needed from the Boy so that I could let him go because I don’t see what the purpose in our interactions are anymore, and I don’t see that he wants me in his life the way he says he does… I wanted this guy to be someone I didn’t have to hide from and wear a mask for just to be friends. That would have taken some of the pressure off of my relationship with the Boy because he’s not capable of giving me what I need from our interactions. I wanted to be wrong…
But I wasn’t.
I asked the Stripper if his kids lived with him or if he only saw them on the weekends. He said they lived with him. So I asked point blank if he was still married. And he responded by telling me what an off the wall question that was.
I told him, “well, we did meet on Tinder, so you never know. Plus you didn’t actually answer the question.”
At which point he told me that I was too smart for my own good.
Yep. Married. Or rather he’s separated, and he clarified that they “abide apart in the same abode.”
So married with kids, but not really married… even though they live in the same house…
Not buying it.
It’s particularly frustrating because when he was trying to explain the situation to me, he said to give him a second to try to find my frequency (he knows about the Asperger’s, remember?) so he could explain it to me in a way I’d understand. While on one hand that could be kind of insulting, the fact that I had told him that the Asperger’s means that sometimes I have a perception problem, it was kind of a sweet gesture that meant a lot.
I told him that it would be better if we discussed over dinner, because I was still in if he was. My thought being that I’ve dated people not quite out of their marriage yet in the past, and more than one of my exes was into polyamory, so, if the circumstances weren’t as awful as I am pretty sure they are, we might still be able to keep each other company for a while.
I haven’t heard back from him.
So scratch him off the list.
I did have a really nice impromptu dinner on Sunday night. Not a Tinder Fella, but a gentleman, and those are a rare breed. I haven’t quite figured out what he wants or if it’s going anywhere, but I guess we can just wait and see what happens.