A lot has happened since my last recap, way back in the beginning of August! I’d hurt my ankle in the month of July, I was unsure of where I was going to live, I didn’t know where I stood with just about anything. Now, with the beginning of November (and NaNoWriMo), I feel much more stable in most aspects of my life.
There are exceptions of course.
As always, the Boy is one of them.
It’s the same song, different verse, as they say. He and I always go back and forth. We can be at each other’s throats and then back to normal within an hour’s time. We’ve gotten so good at our fights that they don’t last but a few minutes anymore, but they happen just about every day, or so it seems.
Both pointing fingers, and neither getting the other to truly see. We work against each other, me needing him to let me in, and him needing me not to want to come in. And every ounce of me tells me to walk away and never look back. I’m tired of the back and forth and there’s never any point to it anymore. It’s just he said, she said to waste the time between conversations with the new guy in my life: Mr. Nice Guy.
As much as I fear that the Boy will actually disappear, I also fear the I’ll put Mr. Nice Guy on a pedestal just because he’s nicer to me than the Boy. Or worse, I won’t give him a chance because I’ll be fighting with the Boy and transfer it to Mr. Nice Guy.
See? Logic says run, far far away. So why can’t I actually let him go?
Because he always comes back. Once both our tempers have calmed, he comes back. He listens, he talks it out with me. He understands me more than most.
And if he’s willing to fight for me, isn’t that something?
As I’m writing this, I’m waiting to hear back from him to see where we stand this time around. I’m waiting for him to commit to what it is that he wants. To actually spell it out in words, so there’s no ambiguity there. I’m not sure he’s capable of it, but I’m not going to be dragged back into an unknowing situation, where I feel like I have to make guesses, only to be damned for my guesses.
Especially not when I have a very gorgeous man (seriously, hip dips…) who tells me I’m stunning and he can’t wait to see me again.
Speaking of, Mr. Nice Guy and I have a date for Tuesday. It’s the rescheduling of the rendezvous we were supposed to have last week. But even with the absence, I’ve heard from him almost, if not actually, every day. Sometimes, it’s a short discussion where we get to know a little bit about each other. Sometimes it’s a long sexy conversation where we mentally explore each other’s bodies, discussing how much we excite one another.
And he thinks I’m stunning.
I can’t explain it, but that one little word made my self esteem swell immensely! It’s not the same as being sexy, or rocking “nerd girl sexy,” as the Boy likes to tell me I do. It’s better than being “ball draining fun,” (another description the Boy has used to describe me… remind me again why I’m holding out for this Boy?). It’s a whole new level of pretty for me.
Somehow “Stunning,” is the equivalent of being a masterpiece. It’s a whole other level of pretty, and as the way the men I’ve dated in Houston have thus far treated me had me believing myself to be an absolute troglodyte unworthy of anyone’s attention, for a man to tell me I’m stunning is the new best compliment in my world.
I really hope he decides he wants more than just a romp in the hay. Because if that is the only thing he’s after, I may very well lose all faith in humanity.
It amazes me how much work men will put in for that, and only that. There are easier ways to get that, ways that don’t leave a girl feeling like there’s something wrong with her because that’s all anyone wants from her…
It’s left me all kinds of discombobulated today while I try to figure out what’s going on with the two main men in my life.
Both of them have left me with the Timebomb feeling, a little. One because I don’t know what we’re capable of but I’m terrified it’s going to end badly, and the other because I know all too well what we’re capable of, and we’ve already proven how badly it can go.
In other news, since August, I’ve been kind of shuffling around from place to place, but today I just moved into a place that I think will last for a while. The house is gorgeous, though it’s older than I’d first realized. There’s an intercom system from the seventies, maybe earlier, throughout the house. I kind of want to try it out, but I don’t think anyone else would appreciate that, so I won’t.
I have three roommates, two girls and a guy; the guy owns the house, and he’s put it on the market, but it’s only been on the market for about a month, so it may be a little while. While the rest of the world rejoices over the lower gas prices, in Houston, the lower gas prices mean layoffs. Hence the reason why he’s selling his house.
If I had better credit, I’d buy the damned thing myself. It’s beautiful!!
Once I’m a little more comfortable here, and once I add some of my own little quirky touches to my room (right now the walls are blank), I’ll get some pictures posted on here.
Meanwhile, the job thing is still going mostly ok. I’m drowning in paperwork a little bit, and I kind of have just accepted that that is going to be the way of it for this semester. If the house thing works out (which having met the roommates, I think it will, of course I thought that with the last roommate…) I think I’ll be here for a while, and that will help ease my stress a great deal. Even though I haven’t been worried about a roof over my head, per se, I have still not been sleeping well because it’s been one temporary situation after another.
Fingers crossed things will start to settle down now.
Thanks for keeping up with my ramblings. Today wasn’t so much of a recap as it was a meandering through my feelings about these two men in my life. If you want more info on Mr. Nice Guy, there’s a handful of posts about him and how we met on Tinder, and how he gives me great compliments, almost always unintentionally. And also some discussions of how things like Tinder have created a strange dating landscape with the whole “Netflix and Chill” craze. I’m sure if we really delved into that whole thing a little more, we’d find that it’s also the reason guys are so easily intimidated by girls that are smarter than them.
But that’s a post for another day.
In the meantime, here are the top viewed posts and the top viewing countries of October 2015:
Top 5 posts of July:
Top 3 countries that read my blog:
3) United Kingdom