Posted in Dating, Releasing Steam

Men don’t like to be outdone? Is anyone shocked?

I saw a thing on Facebook recently that I, for one, was not the least bit surprised about. Saddened by, surely, but not even the teensiest bit surprised by it. There was a recent study about how men felt about dating women with a higher intelligence than them. When discussing it, the men tended to rank a women’s desirability high-ish. But then, when told that they would be meeting a woman who had scored higher on intelligence tests than they had, they distanced themselves from her.

So, smart women are attractive for fantasies, but not to keep for relationships.

Yeah, not shocked…


Anyone remember how the Artist told me that my brains and my boobs would excite him, but he wasn’t actually attracted to me? Or how the Boy has said a time or five that he likes my brain and how smart I am, but he doesn’t want what I want? He’s even told me on more than one occasion that I “rock the nerd girl sexy look.”

But it’s still only for a fleeting attraction it seems.

The really horrible part about it, is that women have known this for years. Many, many years. Here’s some advice from the fifties about getting and keeping a man:


And women have been hoping to find a man who was willing to see her value as an intelligent being for a long time.

A really long time.

Centuries even!

Think about it: Why is Mr. Darcy still considered the perfect man even though his character is 200 years old?


Even though there are tons of reasons why he is so perfect, ranging from his reaction to her refusal to the struggle of the main characters misunderstanding each other, a big part of it is that the characters are equals.

As in he chooses her because she is as smart as him!

Even though they shouldn’t be even in the same social circles because of his wealth, he recognizes her intelligence. He comments on it, how a truly accomplished woman must improve her mind by reading.


So he VALUES intelligence in women?!

Well, that’s a nice change.

And even better? He means it.

We see him continuously ignore the advances of the young Miss Bingley, the more financially appropriate choice and the sister of his best friend. She’s the type of girl who does the pretty things that are supposed to get guys to notice them. Think back to how she had Lizzie walk around the room with her. Darcy knows that she’s trying to get him to ogle her, and, to her credit, she knows that the only way for it to work is for her to include Lizzie because she can tell he likes her.

turn about room-L

So she, too, is intelligent, but she downplays her intelligence in favor of her beauty. She even follows that terrible advice from the fifties that we saw above, where she praises him for being able to write so many letters, because she, as a simple woman, couldn’t do that…


It’s the Catherine Bingleys of this world that make life for the Lizzie Bennetts very difficult.

There are so many women that are still willing to just be pretty. Especially in Texas, where we’re a good couple of decades behind the rest of the country in a lot of ways.

What scares me is that I see it in my classroom. Teenaged girls that are more concerned about whether or not their hair is just so, or if their make-up is on right. Going so far as to apply make-up in the middle of a lesson!!!

1479652 girl applying blusher and looking in her mirror

At which point I embarrass them and tell them to quit “farding” in my class. That’s always good for a giggle. And it works for a few days, but they usually ask me to stop using that word.

Honey, I’ll stop using that word when you quit farding in my class.

And what’s worse, I’m watching the boys in the class drool over the girls that do that sort of thing because they have already been programmed to look at the outside of the girl instead of the inside…

When I posted a link to that article, the one about men not liking smart women, on Facebook, a friend of mine said exactly what I was thinking:

“I love how smart you are” only lasts up to a certain point. Or worse, means “Wow you’re not a dumb bimbo like I perceive all other women.”

Obviously not all guys feel that way, but it really tends to mean just that.

Especially when I am talking to guys who have seen a pic first.

The first thing they comment on is my smile. The first thing they notice tends to be my tits (though most are smart enough not to comment on that… unlike the Artist). You would think that my brain would give me a trifecta of awesome that would have men beating down my door… But no such luck.

Often I get told I’m intimidating or a bitch.


Or I have a situation like what happened with Mr. West Coast.

He initially said that a woman who was intellectual was a great thing, and I was excited because maybe, just maybe, here was an Intellectual Alpha who could appreciate my brains the same way Mr. Darcy appreciated Lizzie. Then, as I refused to cave to his degrading view of women and refused to tell him he was correct, he began to attack my character in an attempt to lower my self-esteem enough that I might kowtow to his will.

I don’t want to get into it too much, but the main point was when he told me that “there is nothing more attractive for a man than a graceful woman… That’s a woman [that a] man will know [is] strong…” So in his opinion a woman should hold her tongue if she thinks a man is wrong and “allow him the time to realize he was wrong [on his own].”

He goes on further to say “that the default state of a man is the warrior one, the provider, the one who has to take on the stress and lift the world on his shoulders. A woman may try to do that, too…” but she is not “aesthetically suitable” for that role.

He, like all the men in that study, don’t want an equal; they want a subject.

A truly smart man will realize that for the right guy, a woman may choose to be submissive, but a smart woman is never subjugated!




High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

5 thoughts on “Men don’t like to be outdone? Is anyone shocked?

  1. I wanted to comment on Facebook, but held my tongue. I know there are a lot of men are intimidated by my intellegnce and while there are other parts of me that catch their attention, I am a package deal. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I am happily single and focused on me right now. If the right person were to come along that appreciates my mind as well as everything else, well then I might just change my tune.

    1. Yeah. I read the original article, the one that the one I linked on Facebook is based on, and there’s so much more to it! It’s still not 100% accurate because of the small sample size, but I expect that they could ask a million guys and they’d still find that the majority of men, despite their intelligence level or socioeconomic background or skin color, will suddenly decide the girl isn’t as sexy when they’re told she’s smarter than them. That’s the thing, the girl wouldn’t change, but some of the men would be told she had scored higher on an IQ test and some would be told that she scored lower. The men that thought she scored lower were more like to say they found her attractive and that they would ask her out while the guys who thought she was smarter than them said she wasn’t very attractive or that they felt emasculated by her even though they’d hardly spoken to her. Are male egos that wimpy? Seriously? If so, we’re in big trouble as a species…

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