To swipe right or not to swipe right…

Well hello there! It’s been a while. A long while. A very long while. Sorry about that. You know how it goes: life gets in the way sometimes.

Here’s the quick update, and then I want to talk about my newest experiment: Tinder! I know, it’s not new to the rest of the world, but I’m mildly optimistic about it so far. I’ve had more matches in the last 24 hours than I have in a few years of being on a couple of other dating sites. And with guys who DON’T just want to hookup, contrary to the popular opinion about Tinder.

But more on that in a minute.

So, what’s going on in my world? When last I wrote, I had been fighting with the Boy and making progress because I could identify habits that were causing us issues because of the potential Asperger’s thing. I’d also recently joined DietBet to make a little money by losing weight (yeah that didn’t happen…), and I’d recently started a new job at a new school. The job still feels like it was some sort of fate thing, though I’ve gotten a wee bit overwhelmed with it lately.

Though that overwhelmed feeling is probably more to do with the housing situation…

The roommate thing didn’t work.

Apparently she was actually more excited to have me there than I thought, but it was too uncomfortable for me with the way things were going. I didn’t have any of my own space, and while she had asked me how much personal space did I actually need, I apparently needed at least SOME private space, and without any sense of true privacy (since she would have to go into “my” room to put her dogs up for the day), I never felt like I had any space.

Plus, I started to feel like I was her dog sitter. I like dogs, but they weren’t my dogs, yet I saw more of them than she did…

seemright

So, now I’m doing the hotel thing again. It was supposed to be a temporary situation, but the place I wanted… I waited too long, and it’s gone. And I’ve spent too much on the hotel situation anyway to get into that place. I’m working on coming up with a plan to fix it, but thus far, I’m just dealing with being extremely broke, even though I really, really shouldn’t be!

Seriously, I shouldn’t be struggling like I am right now. I’m making more than I ever have before in my life. I should be rolling in the dough and saving up for a new car, or even a house.

Just for shits and giggles (as they say), I looked up how much it would be to buy a house, and, if I could get approval for a mortgage, the payments on a house (especially if I get one that’s currently in foreclosure) is less than half of what I’d pay for renting an identical house in the same neighborhood!

I’m seriously thinking about it… it would be a little while before it’s actually a realistic dream, but I’m adding it to my wishlist.

But now to the Tinder news!

Yes, I have finally joined the 21st century as far as dating is concerned. I had problems embracing the online dating thing, and I think I had good cause to doubt. I don’t do well in conversations via text because I already struggle knowing the social cues for engaging in conversations, but I’ve learned certain cues for conversing that are lacking in text only conversation, and that frankly are difficult in phone conversations too.

I really only do well in face to face communication, and even then, I tend to talk too much.

But I did it, I embraced the online dating thing a while back. I tried sites like HowAboutWe.com, where the emphasis was supposed to be on the date itself, to get you out of the house and on an interesting date that was more than the uber basic dinner and a movie style date. I’ve discussed before why there are only certain types of movies that are appropriate for dating early on in a relationship, and I’m still fairly certain that movies for a first date is a horrible plan. That’s why a site like HowAboutWe seemed so perfect.

It’s a shame it was such a bust. I had only one date that ever actually took place, and while there were several people I spoke to online and via text, none of them ever actually got around to asking me out on the date that initiated our conversation:

  • Foot fetish guy quickly got tired of me when I told him I don’t like talking on the phone.
  • The Wiccan scientist guy who took me to the museum purposefully kept me from the one exhibit he said he thought I would like (probably to work his way into a second date), after making us miss the planetarium movie we agreed to see, and then tried to usher me to his car instead of my own.
  • And there was even a guy in a bowtie who liked one of my painting date ideas, and started up a conversation, but when I told him I was going to a painting on the following Saturday, if he wanted to join me, he never responded.

There were a couple others, but none of which made much of an impression… Except the massage guy. We talked online (and technically still are) for months. Months and months and months. Months of me keeping the conversation going and dropping little hints that I’d be interested in a date. I even went so far as to ask him how could I get to know him if we never hung out in person (he’d told me he was shy). He never asked me out.

But he continued to talk to me…

I tried a couple of the other dating sites, usually during the free trial period. I’m just not going to pay tons of money to find someone to date. It’s insane. I’d rather pay for the date itself!

So to Tinder we go!

82457 teen model talking into cell phone

And yeah, I’m surprisingly happy with the result. I’ve had 2 guys ask me for my number in less than 24 hours, one of which has already asked me out on a date.

He started out by calling me “Your Highness.” That’s always a good start. And when I pointed out that he was laying it on a little thick, he said quite simply: “I’m interested, so how do I apply?”

Perfect response.

And when I asked him what position was he trying to apply for, his response was that he wanted to take me out. Sadly, his only suggestion was the previously bashed dinner and movie date, but it’s a start.

There have been other matches, but they didn’t start a conversation. I’m trying really hard not to be the pursuer here. I want to be chased a little. No more me being the instigator.

don'tchase

So what about the Boy?

Well, I think I’ve made my point on that with the same statement. I’ve been doing the majority of the chasing where he’s concerned. He’s got a lot going on in his life, and if he wants me there, he’ll make room for me. And if he wants me in a more permanent role, then it’s time he put his running shoes on. I’m tired of chasing after him to get him to see the light of things.

I deserve so much more than an “It’s complicated,” situation. I’m too old for that. I know what I want out of my life. I want to get married and have kids, and I’m running out of time to do some of those things. Namely the having kids part. I’m 34, with a bad heart. I don’t have many more baby making years in me… He’s a guy. He can wait if he wants to, but if he expects me to wait for him, I just can’t do it for much longer.

So I’m looking at my options. And I’ve told him where I stand. And I’ve told him I’m going to start dating again. If he decides I’m what he wants, hopefully he won’t wait too long to make a move.

I’d swipe right for him, but I don’t know if he’d do the same for me…

batmanswipeleft

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15 thoughts on “To swipe right or not to swipe right…

    • Plus, I see from your parody that you’re familiar with the format of a relationship blog, though your assertion that we’re all feminists inclined to delete your comments is a bit cynical. You’ll find, if you read more than just this one post, that I tend not to identify as a feminist because I hate the label. Too many feminists misuse the word to hide their misandry, which is unacceptable. If the goal is equality, then we shouldn’t be separating ourselves with labels based on gender. Or race, or sexual orientation, or anything else.

      As for the format, there’s a reason relationship blogs are set up this way, and if you don’t like the format, then don’t read them. I think the reason your comments get deleted probably has something to do with your judgmental tone. Do you always analyze the format instead of commenting on the content? And when you do comment on the content, is it as rage-filled as the posts on your own blog? Most people don’t want that kind of negativity on their blog.

      I know you think you’re just being honest, but there is a difference between being honest and being an asshole. I’ve got a post about that, too, if you look not too far back.

      • Understood, but your comment prompted me to look at yours to see what you offer. I found your parody of romance blogs humourous, but also a bit angry/cynical. It gave me some perspective of your question, so I commented on it. Your comment stems from your apparent dislike for the general format of a relationship blog. And you say in your parody (and also in your rant about feminists) that people delete non-positive comments. There’s a reason for that as well. I just chose to share my feelings here instead of there.

      • Angry/cynical?
        And not only relationship blogs have pointless disclaimers at the start. Lots of geniuses do that, and I have mentioned it many other times in my blog, like in “How to make a good looking WordPress post” and “Every gaming blog ever”.
        Of course these cowards delete comments that they do not want other people to see. There’s a reason why you NEVER see negative comments on anyone’s blog. I have even documented people who deleted their post and even sometimes their entire blog just to try to hide the truth.
        And what “rant about feminists” in plural?

      • That very first one that shows up on your blog, where you’re bashing the woman who wrote about 5 Reasons people sometimes hate feminists. Admittedly, her article seemed like garbage, but still you say things like “Is there ever a time when people don’t hate them?” That’s not angry and cynical? I don’t even like the term feminist, but I find the tone of that question abrasive at best.

        I am willing to admit I didn’t go much beyond those two posts, the one about feminists and the parody of romance blogs. For one thing, since you have that entire rant showing, it’s hard to see anything else (that’s why those “douchebags” choose to make you “click here to view the whole post”), and for another, why would I want to read anymore of what you have to say? It IS angry! Unnecessarily so. Yet you promote your views as if they are the truth.

        I disagree about most of what you said about feminists and the feminist ideology, even though I believe that many people who claim to be feminists use it to promote misandrist male bashing.

      • “That’s not angry and cynical?” Well if you tell me people now that people like feminists…
        I never assumed you read all of my posts, even though there are those mysterious +25 views on the homepage that come from the exact same country.
        I didn’t get that part about an entire post showing and the douchebags.
        I never asked you to read my blog.
        If you think it’s angry that stays with you.
        And I don’t know what to say about your unspecified disagreements about me not liking feminism.

      • I imagine some people like feminists. I like Tom Hiddleston and he is a self-proclaimed feminist…

        I don’t know what to tell you about +25 views from any country. I looked I think 4 times. Kept the window open so I could find what I was looking for to respond.

        The douchebag thing was in direct response to that first post about the feminist. You start the post by saying she’s one of those douchebags that make you click to view the whole post.

        Thank you for a civilized discussion. I rather expected you were going to sling insults and then bash me for not approving said insults. I appreciate you not doing so.

  1. We really need to get together, if for no other reason, to compare our Tinder profiles and for you to give me pointers. I may resort to craigslist soon and no one wants that.

    • Yeah… Don’t do Craigslist. I don’t think I did anything special. I put on there that I was new to Tinder, and used pics from Facebook. That was it. I’ve got the pic of me looking over a book. And the one that’s me at a bar playing dominoes with my hair straight. And then one of me dressed for an interview. And the last one is an old one of me in my glasses. It’s not a very clear pic, but I didn’t want people telling me I was misrepresenting because I haven’t been wearing my contacts, but I don’t have many new photos with me in these glasses… Nothing special. But I look happy/relaxed in each pic. I’ve decided that’s the key.

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