March 2015 Recap

It’s a little late, but as promised, here’s the monthly recap for the month of March. The month began with me in the early days of a #30DayChallenge for this blog. We reviewed everything from old pictures of me to what my favorite foods were, to my earliest memory, to all sorts of things about me.

It was a month of personal exploration for me. I started it out not only with that challenge, but also looking more closely at the interworkings of my dating and decision making process for said dating, such as reminding myself that I was really worth it, worth more than being second choice. I had had a rough February, if you’ll recall, and I needed to remind myself that I am special.

It was the first step in a long road to emotional recovery for me. I am one of those girls who’s been hurt and needs reassurance. I need reassurance because I, like many women, have been a victim of gaslighting for most of my life. This is a topic that keeps coming up lately. First, because of a discussion with the Boy, and then with the realization that it might be a learned behavior, and I might very well be guilty of it, too, because women can manipulate as well… Although that post was mostly about different types of manipulation that I’ve seen recently effecting the guys in my life, the Boy and I were revisiting the gaslighting discussion recently and I think I have to admit that I might be as guilty of it with him as he has been with me, and neither of us meant it as an intentional thing.

unintentional

Well, mostly unintentional. Sometimes when I get hurt, I do lash out, but I’m working on it….

My overall goal is to find a healthy relationship based in honesty. That’s all I want, and I don’t really think that’s asking too much. I want that no hold’s barred kind of love found in the movies, too. And with the constant barrage of chick flicks I’ve been subjected to in March (and before, for that matter), I’m learning that I’m also terrified that it will never happen for me.

Nearly midway through the month, the Artist showed back up in my life. I didn’t let him stick around because I don’t need him in my life. While he might be fun to play with from time to time, he’s not really capable of that type of relationship, and I don’t want anything serious from him. He’s mean, and self-centered, and never finishes anything. He’s done all three of my biggest pet peeves… why would  I keep him around?

obnoxious people

Instead, I took a chance on a real Bad Boy. It was short lived, but between him and the Massage Guy, I’ve had a few options.

And let’s not over look the Viking. He’s new. Well, he’s relatively new. New guy from the new job. Relatively handsome, extremely intelligent, funny, the right level of geeky…But thus far no spark.

back togetherIt’s been suggested that there’s no spark because I’m not really keeping myself open to such a thing because I’m revisiting my relationship with the Boy, albeit not the same as it was before. I’d be lying if I said I knew what was happening there. All I know is that it’s not the same as it was before, and he’s putting a lot of effort into it. More than I could possibly imagine, and more than I might actually deserve given how difficult I’ve made it for him this time around. I’ve been careful not to just jump right into trusting him and accepting things as they were before.

We’ll see how it goes. Or if it goes at all.

And finally, I was nominated for the Liebster Award in March, which is pretty cool. It’s nice to be noticed. I wasn’t sure exactly what it was when I first found out about it, but it’s a neat idea, sharing love between up and coming bloggers in order to grow the community.

liebster1

So that’s a recap of March 2015, and now, without further ado, are the top Posts and top Viewing Countries of March:

5Top 5 posts of February:

1) You’re Worth It…
2) I’d Like to Thank the Academy….
3) Why Four from Insurgent is the Perfect Guy
4) Day 8: Revisiting the Past
5) Day 12: Favorite Quote

Top 3 countries that read my blog:

1) USA
2) United Kingdom
3) Germany

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