Posted in Advice, Dating

When a Great Date Has No Spark

I am the teensiest bit flabbergasted at the moment. Last night, I spent nearly four hours on a date. I had fun, the conversation was spot on, he was relatively handsome (albeit a bit short), we liked the same things to a point, and we could even talk about work because he’s a fellow teacher and so he understands just how real the struggle really is. I seriously enjoyed myself, and fully intend to go out with him again.

There’s just one problem: there was absolutely no spark, no chemistry, no romantic interest at all.

The guy in question happens to be the teacher across the hall from me, and he asked me to a fundraising event which turned out to really be a date. It’s a teachery date, but it was still a date. The local Chili’s was hosting a fundraising event in which every dollar spent from 11-11 was donated to the senior class’s Prom fund…so long as you brought in a flyer showing that you were helping the school. It was a total publicity stunt for them, but it helps my kiddos, and the short Viking who teaches history across the hall from me used it as a way to get me to a semi-nice restaurant in a skirt after school hours.

I shaved my legs for this outing… So anyone who thinks I’m not taking dating seriously because of my friendship with the Boy had best think again!


He’s a nice guy, for a Viking. Seriously, he does have some distinct Norse-looking features: the blue eyes and blonde hair for starters. He teaches History and has a fascination with pre-historical cultures. Totally a Viking… albeit a tiny one. He’s not conventionally short, but we’re about the same height when I’m flat-footed. In heels, I tower over him, like an Amazon.

The Viking and the Amazon… Has kind of a nice ring to it, actually.

And see, this is why I’m befuddled: I like the guy, really really like him. He’s funny, intelligent, talks as fast as I do, can keep up with my rambling way of speaking, is knowledgeable about many things I’m interested in (including Atlantis stories), he’s relatively attractive, and he’s a teacher with enough drive to want to become an administrator at some point. On paper, he’s almost exactly what I’m looking for: smart, funny, practical, relatively forceful (he’s kind of the enforcer at my school)…

Yet for some reason, there is no romantic interest there at all.


He even did all the right things. He gave me the all the signals. He mirrored my movements. He attempted to make physical contact. He gave cues that he was listening. He made eye contact. He even tried to walk me to my car, but there’s a strange smell in there so I denied him this.

When I told one of my book club girls about our date, I told her I just wasn’t into him, and I couldn’t explain why. She was of the impression that maybe I needed to spend some extra time with him in order to get to the romantic stage with him. Let it build up.


Maybe… I’m not particularly convinced, but I’ve already agreed to continue spending time with him, so we’ll see how it goes.

Then, when I told my mother about it, it clicked; he’s lacking the most important element of an Intellectual Alpha male: Passion. While I was talking to him about some work stuff, something that made me extremely emotional, he just blinked at me. One of our kiddos, as part of her assignment for my class, wrote about how she felt like her biological father didn’t love her, in fact, she felt like he didn’t even like her.

Now these children I teach are my children. I get a fierce Mama Bear attitude about them when talking to other people. Don’t disrespect my babies. And they are all my babies.

mama bear

So a man who doesn’t react when I tell him about how one of my kiddos is hurting, especially one who knows the child and works with her, is not going to fare well in the dating game with me. 

Corporate-Ladder1-199x300To him, the kids are just a means to a paycheck. He has no passion for what he does. In fact, as part of the question game we talked about what we would do if we weren’t teaching. My answer was the archaeology thing I talked about during my #30DayChallenge. His response was that he’d just be middle management somewhere, pushing paper around. He has drive, he wants to climb the ladder, but he doesn’t care what ladder he’s climbing.

That is a big problem for me.

The lack of passion, especially as it pertains to my kiddos, might actually be a deal breaker. If we look at the guys who’ve made the cut lately, they’ve all had some intense passion that drives them somehow. The Boy was very passionate about his hobbies, plus his job (as I understand it) is part tech support, part think tank, which is an awesome combination. The guy I dropped for the Boy was an architect. The Artist had his dream to be a paid artist. Superman was an architect. Even the Bad Boy has a dream to open his own bar at some point and works his ass off to make it a reality.

So this little Viking who plays at teaching, what drives him? I haven’t figured it out yet, and when you’re really passionate about something, it should show. I think that might very well be the cause for the lack of spark. I need someone who is passionate about something.


It causes me a bit of a conundrum: Do I really continue in the hopes that he has some secret passion that might actually ignite that spark?

Better question: Is it necessary to feel that spark in order to date a person?

Even better question: Why do we date people in the first place?

I’ve actually begun a bit of research into this. I did a survey amongst my Facebook friends and followers, but now let me open it up to you. Is the primary purpose of dating to find the one? Or is it just to have fun? Is it a combination? Or dependent on the situation?

I really don’t know anymore.



High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

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