Posted in Dating

Time to Try a Bad Boy

A while back (somewhere between the Artist and Superman), I met a guy who caught my fancy but I wasn’t particularly sure about. In case you don’t remember, he was a bartender at a restaurant I would frequent with one of my book club girls, and he has a record. On our first meeting he told me about his kind of thuggish past. He tells all, as a matter of fact, holding absolutely nothing back, which is both a little bit disturbing but also amazingly refreshing.

On the one hand it’s really nice knowing that I don’t have to worry about secrets, or being a secret myself. On the other hand, there are some things I really don’t need to know. 


I’m getting ahead of myself–that is kind of a thing I do… Let me back up for a second and explain why he’s even making an appearance on here.

It’s Spring Break, as you may or may not know, and I’ve been somewhat out of sorts. I’ve been watching too much TV and talking to the Boy too much. The Boy has his own dramas to work through, one of which being that he’s being sent away for work, so he doesn’t really have time to deal with me. Of course, this makes me sadder than I care to admit, but it may not be because I actually have feelings, but rather that I’m just generally lonely.

I need people. I need to be around other people and have conversations, and since the Boy can talk to me while he’s at work, we end up having the all day conversations like we used to in the beginning. I become dependent on those conversations, and when he doesn’t have time for me, it’s upsetting.


It’s upsetting for two reasons: 1) it’s a reminder that I’m never going to be a priority for him, and 2) it reminds me just how lonely I really am that I’m waiting around for metaphorical table scraps from a guy who really doesn’t care about me.

So yesterday, I decided I’m not going to wait around for him, or anyone else for that matter, to pay attention to me. I was going to go out and meet new people if I had to. I made a few texts and phone calls to see if I could find a partner in crime, but no luck. As kind of the last ditch effort, I went to the restaurant where the reformed bad boy (the Over-sharer) worked.

I didn’t expect him to be there, but I knew some of the regulars there and knew I would be able to find a friend of some sort. I’d done it before, gone into the restaurant by myself and left with a new friend or three. I used to be able to do that sort of thing all the time, back when I had no fear.

So I went, and when I got there, he was there, but not working. He’d quit working there three days before, but had come in because some of the regulars had expressed that they missed him. And the only available seat at the bar was next to him.

That’s one of those situations that just seemed a little to coincidental to be really coincidence. I mean, he shouldn’t have been there because he’d quit working there, but he was, and the only available seat was next to him, and he’d only just gotten there, hadn’t even ordered yet.


Some signs are too big not to heed.

We ended up having a really lovely evening. We caught up on what’s been going on in each other’s lives. Seems when I met him before he was dating a girl, but that’s been over for a few months now. There were a handful of really crappy things happening in his life this week, but he still seemed really optimistic. He says he believes we make our own luck. Everything he’s been through has been because of the choices he’s made or the circumstances he put himself in, so good or bad, everything that happens to him is still just karma.

Yeah, he actually said something about karma…and he quoted Buddha at one point.

For a bad boy, he sure is well read.


He took me out to one of his favorite dive bars afterwards, and it was obvious he was a regular. The bartender kept teasing me about being out with the Bad Boy, and at one point tried to give me something of a lap dance. When I reached for the Bad Boy, he looked at me and said (in that Brooklyn accent of his), “you got yourself into that mess, you get yourself out of it.” But he was smiling.

It was light and fun, and a wee bit intense as he told me some of his more harrowing stories. But he was very charming, and I never felt like he wanted to be anywhere else. Even when other people came up to talk to him, and there were quite a few ladies who wanted to talk to him, I still felt like I was the person he was there with. There wasn’t any doubt about whether or not he wanted me there.

We stayed til close there, too, and then stood in the parking lot having a conversation. By then there were enough drinks in my system that I’d probably have married him if he asked me to do so.

Well, that might be a bit of an exaggeration, but I was quite intrigued by him. It was one of those moments when I wasn’t quite sure what to do next. He didn’t react to some of my more flirty gestures, yet he didn’t seem to want to go anywhere.

So I decided to be as open and honest with him as he’d been with me all evening. I told him flat out that I wanted him to kiss me.


I’ve never seen a tough guy get so shy so fast! He started rubbing the back of his head, and couldn’t look me in the eye. He said it wasn’t that he didn’t want to, but rather that he just didn’t do that. It made him nervous.

“Never? Not even once?” I asked.

I got my kiss.

For a guy who doesn’t like to kiss, he’s actually quite good. It may never happen again, so I’m glad it was a good one. Tentative, but intense. Soft and sensual, with a light touch. I’d have liked it to be a little more passionate, but I think he saves that for…other things.

His bartender friend called him away before we could really do much else, or even discuss doing much else. He told me to stay there, so I got in my car, at which point I realized it was after 4 AM. When he came back, he grabbed my hand and told me I should probably head on home, but to be sure to text when I got there, no matter how late it was.

datingetiquetteBefore I’d even gotten home, he texted to let me know that he’d made it home, and that he’d enjoyed hanging out, and wishing me sweet dreams. That may be the first time a guy beat me to the punch of thanking him for hanging out. It’s a small thing, but it’s a matter of courtesy, an (apparently) outdated matter of etiquette that I always do, but it is rarely returned. The fact that this thuggish Bad Boy did it is a little bit intriguing.

I’m curious how this plays out. I’d be lying if I said that I think it could go beyond just a bit of fun, but I’ve been wrong before. Maybe it’s time I gave a Bad Boy a shot.




High school teacher by day, relationship/romance blogger by night. Help me add author to the list. Vote for my book idea here:

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s