There is one thing that always makes me feel better. No matter how bad the day or the circumstances that make me blue, no matter if I’m sick or just sick of something, a bath always makes things better. There are different baths for different levels of blue-funkedness, but a bath always makes me feel better.
During my first attempt at college, I had this amazing friend who knew exactly how to draw a bath for me. I was staying with this friend and his lover even though I had a room in the dorms. My roommate and I didn’t exactly mesh well, and she gave into the homesickness something fierce. She finally quit leaving the room altogether. It was unbearable! Everyone needs some private time every once in a while, and sharing a space slightly smaller than my childhood bedroom with another person who NEVER left forced me to find alternate housing.
Enter a couple of friends of mine who had a spare bedroom. I basically moved in, and left a lot of my stuff in my dorm room. Shouldn’t have done that; she ran off with a handful of my DVD’s and VHS tapes–just the romantic comedies… I used to like those somewhat. But my gay men rescued me. I took over their spare bedroom, waterbed and all, and we had a wonderful time! Sunday morning breakfast was one of my favorites. This was back when I had no fear or inhibitions.
Things were really nice then, but every now and then there would be a bad day or a slight tiff with a friend or a would be lover. On those days, I could always count on one of my friends to prepare the absolute best baths. He would put Sandalwood oil in the water and add rose petals. He’d make the water really nice and hot, but not too hot, and place candles all around. He’d put on some soothing music, and let me sit in there and just soak. Sometimes he’d come in and wash my hair for me.
He’d pamper me in the way I’ve always wanted a lover to pamper me, but I know that’s probably too much to ask of a straight man…
I think it was the combination of the soothing music and the fragrances and the candlelight, but also of the care put into it. When someone really cares for you, you can feel it in everything they do. It is it’s own form of magic.
Love is magical, in all it’s forms.
But there have been other baths, ones that I’ve created for myself, and they aren’t the same. Not only are they different because they were made by me instead of someone who cares for me, but because there are different baths for different occasions. When I’m sick, for instance, I want a hot bath with Eucalyptus oil or something good for opening up the airways.
And then there are the cold baths.
When things are so very bad that I think it would be best to give it all up, sometimes it helps to take an icy bath. It’s like a type of reset. I have a mix of angry/sad music that I play. Well, I used to have a mix. I made it back in the late 90’s when I was a teenager and in that particularly angsty place, but it was perfect for the purposes of a reset. I’d listen to it, and by the time I got to Nine Inch Nails Downward Spiral, I’d be pretty numb.
Through that song, I’d try to keep as much of myself under the water as possible, turning my lips into a nice icy blue. After it was over, I’d come out of the tub and warm up to slowly more upbeat music, until my body and my spirits are back to a nice, normal disposition.
It’s probably not healthy, but it works. Or it did when I was younger. Last year, when things seemed so earth shatteringly awful, I tried it a time or three and it didn’t quite work. I’ve found I can’t handle the ice cold temps anymore. And I’ve lost that mix CD from the 90’s.
I guess from here on out I’ll just have to deal with the hot soothing baths. And I need to find me a man, be he friend or lover, who is willing to make me a bath every now and then. Not just any bath either, I need a man who will make me a soothing bath because he loves and cares for me. I’m working on it…
But that’s a post for another day. Or at least later.