It’s Spring Break now, so I’m going to warn you up front: my posts may get longer or kookier. I’ve just finished watching the Wendy Williams show, and I’m suddenly aware of a ton of things that bother me that wouldn’t have originally made the cut on this post.
Having said that, there was already a lengthy list of things that bother me, so maybe I’m a bit more high maintenance than I like to admit to being.
I am highly idealistic, and I really don’t do so well when someone shakes my ideal. Like when I realize someone hasn’t been 100% honest with me, it’s a huge problem because I truly believe that honesty is the only way to have a good relationship. Then again, I’m aware of the need to sugar coat things, which sometimes comes across as not so honest. Just ask the Artist. It was a bad day when he accused me of being dishonest for sugar coating things for him…But that’s a post that’s already been written, and I have many other things that I can discuss today… but I’m going to try to limit myself to just the top three biggest offenders.
My biggest pet peeve is being ignored.
I had a conversation with another blogger about this very thing because she was a fan of “ghosting,” or ignoring texts or only responding sporadically so that you disappear or fade away like a ghost. Superman and the Artist tried that, I think, but it doesn’t work on me. I turn into a crazy woman texting increasingly salacious texts trying to incite a row.
I think my dislike from being ignored goes back to the lifetime of gaslighting that I’ve been through. I feel like my opinion or point of view was never recognized in the arguments of my youth, so I need to be acknowledged. Particularly my logic. The biggest fights the Boy and I have stem from times when he acts as if my logic is unsound. I’m reacting to a need to be heard and understood. The “ghosting” plays on that as well, not just annoying me but angering me to a point where I become a full-fledged bitch.
Which then, sometimes, starts a whole new fight.
Guys who are arrogant for no reason.
Another thing that really sets me off is when a guy acts like he’s important, trying to show that he is confident, but has no real reason to feel that confident. In other words: empty bravado. Superman was guilty of this. Before we even went out, he told me that he was an important person and was very busy. Well, he was certainly very busy…busy playing.
When a man tells me he is an important individual and busy, I’m expecting late nights working, business trips, dinner parties for networking opportunities. Important things. When instead, he’s busy getting wasted several nights a week so he can spend time with his childhood friends who haven’t achieved much, that’s not quite the same thing. He had read Ayn Rand’s work, and as he was an architect, I imagined him something of a Howard Roarke, but he is much more like who Francisco D’Anconia was pretending to be: a party boy with no real plans for the future.
That is obnoxious.
Another example: the man the Boy tried to set me up with when we first split. It started as a joke, where he was talking to the guy and me at the same time while he was offshore. I jokingly asked if the guy was attractive and single. It turned into the Boy trying to help me make “friends” because apparently I had too much free time on my hands. I did… but that’s different from this story.
The guy knew a lot. I was intrigued by his brain, which is the first thing I’ll notice, but the more he talked, the more it became obvious that he just needed a cheerleader. He had to tell me about all the little projects he did, but he blew them out of proportion. Instead of saying that he liked to dabble in making music, he told me he was a member of two bands and did his own recording/mixing. On top of going to Grad school, and on top of I don’t even remember how many other projects he was in the middle of.
I even pointed out that he did such a thing, and he immediately apologized for being “that guy,” but within a few minutes he was back to bragging about things that weren’t that impressive. If you’re going to brag, tell me how you’ve mastered something, not how you’ve spread yourself so thin that you can’t be good at any of it. It comes across as arrogant and is quite off-putting.
Especially when you don’t even allow the other person to add to the conversation other than to “ooh” and “ahhh” at your self-professed greatness. That date is still listed as one of my top 5 bad dates (really have to do that as a post one of these days…).
I hate being talked to like I’m stupid.
Similar to the empty bravado, talking down to me just because I’m a woman is the quickest way to get a verbal throat punch from me. I may not have a graduate degree yet, and I may just be a teacher, but I am smart. I try not to brag about my intelligence because I don’t have a lot of awards or degrees to back it up, but many of my students are convinced that I know everything because I’m just that smart. I got A’s in Calculus, have a pretty extensive knowledge of history (the older, the better I know it…if it’s Western and tied to a mythology anyway), and I am a person that people go to for solutions.
I am a fixer of sorts, which means I have to be able to look at things from a variety of angles. It’s what makes me a good teacher. Seeing it from different angles makes it easier for me to explain it from different angles, and it does require a bit of intelligence to be able to put myself in someone else’s shoes.
So when a man talks down to me, or tells me he doesn’t expect me to understand because I’m just a woman… Yeah, it doesn’t end well. It might not be right away, but I will eventually set them up in a conversation where they will look like an idiot, and I will relish every moment.
There are other pet peeves, like repetitive sounds (tapping on desks, clicking pens, etc.) or dirty fingernails on a guy (those hands aren’t touching any sensitive part of me, thank you very much), but the most offensive ones are those three when guys treat me like I’m dumb, less important than they are, or just don’t exist.