Recently the Artist came back into the picture. After his rudeness around Christmas, I had decided that there was no need of him in my life. I am willing to put up with quite a bit (past experiences with the Boy and the Artist and Superman should be proof of that), but the Artist’s rudeness had reached a level completely unacceptable, and thus I gave him the boot.
But now he’s back.
In our last texting discourse, I had let him know that I only had one use for him. He seemed not too keen on the idea…
I knew he’d come around. I had thought he would come to my painting thing last night. That was the event I had invited him to as an olive branch. I had fully expected that when I got there, he’d be sitting in the seat next to mine with a beer, looking nice, like he always does.
His attitude might be garbage, but he is quite a looker. Not an ounce of fat on him. Taller than me, but not a lot taller than me like Superman had been. He works out (he boxes) every day, so the muscles ripple with every move he makes. I like that strength. It feels good when he puts his arms around me or pulls me to him when we make out. It’s kind of a nice feeling to feel every twitch of his muscles. I don’t often date guys as image conscious as this one.
His face is nice as well. His eyes are a near perfect almond shape, and he has a nice set of lips, which are great for kissing, which he likes almost as much as I do.
So he’s not completely without his good qualities.
Yes, he is quite handsome, in spite of his crappy attitude. And while I had thought to see him at the painting event, he did not show. I had fun anyway. I had invited him just on a whim, and had had plans to go whether he went or not. My painting didn’t turn out as good as I’d hoped, but they can’t all be masterpieces, and I did manage to drink an entire bottle of Riesling by myself while I was painting, so the fact that it came out at all is kind of a miracle.
Since he didn’t show, I figured I must have been mistaken. Maybe he really did take umbrage at my suggestion that his only purpose was for my personal pleasure. But not so. He just hadn’t had enough to drink yet.
At 5:30 this morning, he sent me a couple of texts: “If you’re up, I want you now.”
So, I was right.
I haven’t responded yet. For one thing, I was pleasantly snoozing at 5:30 this morning. For another, I haven’t decided if I should be offended by this text. The lack of tone in text makes me question quite how I should take this text. Is it passion-driven lust that fuels such a text? As in he cannot wait to have me in his bed.
Or (which I find more likely) is it just that he’d finally come around to the idea after enough drinks and he’d decided that we should play now that we were on his time-frame? Was it meant in the same tone as you get when you’ve been left in the waiting room too long? “Thanks for your patience; the doctor will see you now.”
Furthermore, do I want to open myself up to all of that mess anyhow? It would be nice to have someone to play with, but is it worth the potential drama?
The fact that I had specifically told him to come to the art thing in order to get what he was looking for at 5:30 this morning suggests to me that this is one of those situations where we’re in a power standoff. He could have come to the art thing. He could have even made contact before the painting thing was over and offered to meet up for drinks. The painting thing was expensive, if you didn’t have the coupon codes I’ve accrued, and I know he doesn’t make great money, so I could have accepted that as an alternative.
But his actions suggest that he just had too much to drink, realized he needed to get off, and figured I’d be good for it… even at 5:30 in the morning.
I’ll let him sweat a bit while I decide what to do about it now.
Meanwhile, there are other things that are turning out to be exactly like I expected them to turn out. The communication with the Boy, for one. I had kind of thought that his decision to reconnect with me was similar to his pattern. He has this thing about re-visiting his old relationships whenever there’s a wrinkle in his new one. He did it with me when we were dating. He went back to his ex, and it caused some fights, albeit not for the reason he thinks. It was the dishonesty that bothered me.
And the fact that he was listening to her advice about what was going on between he and I. Furthermore, I felt like he was talking to this new girl about us as well, seeking her advice, just like Superman did with his new girlfriend while we were dating.
But all that’s past.
What’s important now is that I have to be careful not to fall back into the same mess with him. It’s hard. He has been more communicative and willing to work on our issues than he ever was when we were actually dating. It feels like we’re in a more serious relationship now than we were, and we’re not dating at all. He’s more considerate of my feelings (for the most part), and puts more emphasis on our time, when we get it.
The difference is that now he’s in a relationship with someone else, and so she will always take precedent. This means that he’s canceled on me more times than I care to admit, and he’s still not so good at the rescheduling. He’s always been one of those spur of the moment types.
It’s confused me a bit, I’ll give you that, but now I’ve come to my senses and I know what I have to do. Now I have to walk away. I expected this to some extent, but I had hoped that he would see the truth of things before it came to this.
Everything that has come to pass has been just as I had foreseen when he first started talking to this woman and told me about her. I tried to warn him of some of it, but he didn’t listen. I gave him a tarot reading about her when he first told me he was interested in her, and I saw it all as clear as day then.
But I’ve reached as far as I can see clearly. I see two paths: One where he decides that he and I need a do-over, and one where he decides that I’m being meddlesome in his relationship with his current girlfriend.
So while my intentions have not changed (I don’t want to date him), and I have no desire to come between him and her (even though every ounce of my being tells me she’s one of those manipulative girls), I have to walk away. I’m not sure either path leads to positive things for me.
Besides, I’ve recently started talking to a gentleman who is studying massage therapy. We’ll see if it goes anywhere. He hasn’t impressed me too much, but as the Boy pointed out, I haven’t given him much of a chance to impress me yet. He sure is taking his time making a serious move, though, and I doubt he’ll be worth the effort when (or if) he ever does.
We’ll see though. Maybe I’ll be wrong about him… though my track record seems to be pretty spot on when I actually listen to my instincts. Here’s hoping I’m wrong for once.
I’ll keep my fingers crossed that he ends up being the romantic, open, honest, intelligent, sweet man who’s willing to put me first that I’ve been looking for.