Yesterday I was in the middle of writing a post (that I didn’t finish because of some rather upsetting news) about how Superman was able to get me to unpack my baggage and trust him finally. It had to do with love langauges, and I had begun to explain that my top love languages are tied between Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, and Physical Touch. It’s almost an even three way split.
What that means is that I know a person loves me when they spend time with me, we touch each other (so holding hands, kissing, cuddling, etc.), and when he tells me that I matter. By taking me out for something special on Valentine’s, even though it was totally relaxed and not serious, and completely impromptu and random, it let me know that I mattered. He came to see me even though he was exhausted. We cuddled and made out and various other things.
Physical touch was definitely covered.
And we actually spent some time together, where I didn’t feel like I was just shoved between other appointments…this turned out to be something of a fallacy, but more on that in a moment.
Most importantly, he verbalized that I was important to him. He complimented me, and made a point to go where I wanted to go, and to tell me that I mattered.
Plus, I got the actual day. He came and spent Valentine’s with me. That meant a lot. I wasn’t the backup girl, or the side chick.
Or so I thought.
Turns out he had been seeing the other girl, the one he took to the wedding some while back. The one that was the cause of the initial fight. The one who (as I suspected) was telling him to get rid of me so she could have him all to herself.
Now, he and I hadn’t agreed to be exclusive, so this was not a problem–just as it wasn’t a problem initially when he first tagged her on Facebook. The problem always was that tagging her made her the primary object of his affection. Or at least that is how she would appear to anyone who didn’t know I existed, and, as far as I knew, no one knew that I existed. When I saw that she got an early Valentine’s Dinner date, at a fancy restaurant, with multiple hashtags, such as #SheSpoiled and #WorthIt, I realized that it wasn’t just the perception of others.
She is the primary object of his affection. She got the fancy dinner. She got an actual reservation, not just some impromptu thing, and they took pictures…with hashtags…posted on Instagram.
He has never posted a single picture of me with him, never tagged me in anything, and certainly never told me in words that I was worth it.
And I have asked. It was the one thing I said to him about the last fight: “Are you telling me that this, that I’m not worth fighting for?”
The kicker is that he had no idea she was interested until I pointed out that she was sabotaging our relationship so she could have him all to herself. So instead of discussing our problems with me, he took the advice of someone who had a vested interest in us NOT working things out…seems like the Boy did something similar. Why do men do that? It’s just so immature.
It doesn’t really matter now. Superman chose her.
He really was just another lying, scheming man-child who wanted to have his cake and eat it, too.
Even then, I could work with him dating both of us, but he lied. He told me he was going to dinner with one of his guy friends. On multiple occasions he did this. And when I asked if I could go as his plus one, he never could take me, while his friends have all met her. He was making time for her, and bringing her out and about, while I… well, I was the side chick. Just as I’d feared.
So, I was wrong. He is a liar. He is no good. He is just another in a long line of people that have hurt me.
This morning, when we were discussing it, he said we should just end it now, so we don’t ruin all of the good memories, like the night at the beach, or when we went to the bookstore, or Valentine’s Day… but they are all tainted for me. I wasn’t #WorthIt for him. My fear of just being shoved between appointments was true, only he was shoving me between other dates.
This makes him worse, because usually the assholes at least look like assholes. He’s an asshole in disguise, masquerading like an upstanding citizen, pretending to be a good guy. But in the end, he’s just out for himself, and no one else matters.
He tells me he is the real life Good Luck Chuck, and every girl he’s ever dated has then found their final significant other. I wonder if we dated long enough for that magic to work… Is that wrong of me to want?
I’m just tired of falling prey to liars and cheaters and egotistical men who don’t actually care about me…
I thought it was worth fighting for because of how he made me feel when we were together. Even when we were apart, he made me feel special.
I was wrong.
So how do you tell? What makes a relationship worth fighting for? Is it how it makes you feel? Is it whether or not it’s easy? I put the emphasis on it felt real. It felt like something that could progress into a really good situation. Superman decided it was too difficult; for him, a relationship needs to be easy. The Boy said something similar. The Artist used the fact that it felt real as a way to lure me in further… before he said absolutely horrible things to me. Maybe this was just a repeat of that “Game Theory” craziness.
So what is it that makes a relationship a keeper? I really don’t understand, and I desperately want to.