I had an epiphany the other day, and since it was decidedly inline with my Romance Goals for 2015, I’m sharing it here for all of you ladies and gents. I was talking with the Boy, and I realized that I held no animosity towards him, and with that realization came the release of a tension that had hidden between my shoulder blades for almost a year now.
He had apologized, and two weeks of conversation had proven to me that he was sincere. In fact, I’ve even tested him, albeit unintentionally, and he does seem quite sincere. On a couple of occasions I thought he was teasing me, or rubbing my nose in things, and when I confronted him about it, he apologized again for the misunderstanding.
He’s even helped me to not be a total crazy person when dealing with Superman (previously known as the Starchitect). See, I occasionally dwell on the what-ifs:
- “What if I’d said_____?”
- “What if he meant _____?”
- “What if I had done ____?”
On those occasions, the Boy has helped to give me perspective a bit this past week, helping me to not text/chat/call a million times…sometimes unsuccessfully, but still, it’s been nice having my friend back.
It’s been so nice, it made it’s way into my Joy Jar (psst! This is what I wanted to share with you).
What is a joy jar?
It’s a jar in which you share a positive moment, one from each day, and then on your bad days, you have a plethora of positive energy to remind you that things aren’t all that bad. Or if they are all that bad, you have proof that things can get better.
It’s the same concept of that whole “30 days of thanks” thing that people tend to do in November, except you do it every day, no matter what, so that you have a nice big pile of positive notes to peruse at your leisure.
This is part of my goal of accepting the positive. In the past, I’ve often (whether I’d admit it or not) believed that when good things happened to me, they weren’t real. I second guessed their existence in my life because I didn’t feel I deserved the good things in my life.
I know I’m not alone in this, I read an article a while ago that I had hoped to comment on, but momentarily lost it (that’s what happens when we no longer write things down…thanks technology). In it, the author refers to an “internal barometer of how much good stuff [we] allow [ourselves] to have,” and how we can adjust this meter so we can let more positive things in our life, to be happier, healthier, and more successful in our lives.
I struggle to let love into my life. I crave it, but I often don’t allow myself to have it. When things are going well, I often find reasons to doubt it. Unfortunately, many of my past relationships have proven me that I was indeed right to doubt them, but it is also possible that, at least in some cases, my doubt forced an unmendable schism and thus ruined the relationship.
I use relationship here in the generic term, as in I’ve (potentially) ruined friendships as well as romantic relationships by not believing I deserved them and finding fault to push them away.
I really don’t want to do that anymore. So I’m using the joy jar to increase my personal level of positivity. And maybe, just maybe, letting those good things be my focus is why more good things are coming into my life.
While already there are a number of joy slips dedicated to Superman, I now have one to remind me of just how good it is to release negative energy. I have forgiven the Boy, truly forgiven him, and it feels good to be free of that kind of anger and sadness.
Here are some things from my Joy Jar:
- Holding hands with Superman while watching the Hobbit.
- Late night comfort food and great conversation (and makeout session in the cold) with Superman after an uncomfortable visit with some girlfriends.
- Superman taking me out for drinks at one of my favorite bars and singing along with the karaoke
- Truly forgiving the Boy.
- Being complimented on the new layout of this blog.
- My roommate’s kid leaving me his sleep buddy so I wouldn’t have bad dreams.
There are more. Things have been going so well in my life lately that I’ve been able to put more than one slip in the jar per day.
For me, that’s kind of the point. Since I’ve allowed myself to recognize the good things instead of just the bad, I’ve noticed more good things happening in my life: By accepting the apology of the Boy, I got my friend back. By really discussing my feelings with Superman, has led to him being more than a little seductive.
And let me just say, the attention is more than a little appreciated!
I’ve even got a job interview coming up next week! Positive things are filling my life all of a sudden, and I believe it’s because I’ve allowed myself to accept them.