Sometimes I forget that people aren’t comfortable with face to face conversation anymore. I started this post while I was waiting for an eye exam. I had tried to make small talk with the receptionist, and she just wasn’t having it. All business.
It seems the more people we see every day, the less likely we are to actually interact with them. Now the wheels are spinning: what implications does this have on our kiddos? And then what implications does that consequently have on our future generations? I’ll have to do a follow up post on that at a later date. Today, I want to talk about how we communicate with each other. I want to talk about truth, honesty, and oversharing.
One of the issues I had with both the Boy and the Artist was a lack of communication. In both instances, I came into the situations with a belief in honesty and open communication. This obviously backfired… in both cases.
So are we just programmed to lie to one another? Are we designed to limit our communication to the point that we just don’t let anyone else in? How are we supposed to form lasting relationships if we won’t open up to one another?
(For some really great insight on just that very thing, and related to the book and new movie Gone Girl, check out this post.)
Then again, what happens if we open up too much?
I met a guy just the other day who went into his life story. I have that effect on people, albeit usually the wrong people…
This guy has promise. Well, if you’re looking for a reformed bad boy, he’s the perfect catch. Given that twice in a relatively short time I’ve been given the brush off from guys that seemed intelligent and stable, maybe a little bad boy action isn’t such a bad thing.
He’s got visible tats and an accent that has just a hint of Brooklyn mixed with a little south Boston and a little Jersey. He’s sporting the shaved head look and oozes that Latin machismo. Totally opposite of everything I’ve been looking for, but he’s intriguing.
And also has a bit of a record. Unlike the summer fling from a couple years ago (who also had a record, but I had to do some super secret sleuthing to find out about it), he was very up front about his history.
Finally a guy with no secrets!
But perhaps telling me he’d been incarcerated for something really big was a little more than I needed on a first meeting.
There has to be a middle ground! I don’t need your life story after the first meeting, but I need a little bit of communication before I can trust you. And it needs to be honest communication.
The Artist told stupid lies. If you’re going to lie to me, at least don’t insult my intelligence. He made a fuss about this wedding he didn’t want to go to, going on to tell me how he didn’t think he needed to go, so I pointed out how important it was to his friend… A few days later, when I sent him a friend request on Facebook (because he’d suggested it), I saw that he was in the wedding party. Or he just happened to be dressed exactly like the other groomsmen.
That is a stupid lie.
I’m assuming he lied because he was afraid I’d invite myself to the wedding because he felt we were moving too fast. I would have respected him so much more if he had just told me that he had to go to a wedding but he didn’t think it was appropriate for me to go. That’s a valid thing to say. It’s logical, and, given that we’d known each other less than a month by that point, I agree that I shouldn’t have been there.
I wouldn’t have wanted to go even if he’d asked me to go…
That’s just one glaringly obvious lie that sticks out. There are others, and I’m fairly certain there will be more if I continue communicating with him. By all rights, I should completely cut ties with him, but the debates we have about movies and books are really fascinating… I just don’t trust him to be honest with me about real life.
But I am still talking to him because good conversation is so very rare. Here’s the catch: we don’t talk. It’s all done via text message. Any attempts I have to speak with him face to face have been met with disdain, almost anger, like I’m imposing upon him because I’d prefer to speak face to face. This is so not worth the effort…
Perhaps I’ll give the Oversharer a shot. We’ll feel him out a bit and see if he’s as reformed as he claimed in his telling of his tale. Thus far, after a handful of encounters, he seems far too intelligent to have gotten into the dangerous situations he’s claimed, but he’s definitely got that bad boy, somewhat thuggish, overtly masculine appeal.
I suppose since I already know his biggest secret, there’s nothing keeping the communication from flowing freely now. Perhaps that is exactly what I need. Maybe not forever, but for the moment, a guy who won’t lie to me because he doesn’t have time for the games would be a really nice change…
Cover photo, and more photos like it, can be found here, by Babycakes Romero.