If you’ve been keeping up with this blog at all (even through the random bouts of emptiness, which I do apologize for), then you know that I have a habit of reopening one closed door in particular, but I think I’ve finally learned to keep it shut, and I’ve seen a door that has opened. And it opened with an amazing pickup line!
Having met at a movie event, this new guy and I have hung out a few times. Never anything formal, or precisely date-like, although on 2 occasions, even though there were supposed to be other people, it ended up being just us. And on the last such occasion, he dropped the world’s best pickup line:
“I’m not going to lie; I was going to try to sleep with you tonight, but now I’m not. You’re someone I can talk to, so I want to do this right and be a gentleman.”
This line works for so very many reasons!
First of all, it shows confidence. Here’s a guy who doesn’t really know where he stands with me, as we’ve only hung out casually, in a friendly setting, but he was confident enough to think he stood a chance of sleeping with me, and was confident enough to go so far as to say so. And he didn’t hesitate when he said it. Instead he looked me straight in the eyes and said it. That’s a great deal of chutzpah!
Secondly, he implied that he found me sexy, without actually saying it. Either that, or he thought I was desperate… I choose to believe he found me sexy, which other parts of the conversation confirm. At the very least, it proves he thinks I’m worth his time to pursue… this is something that has been lacking of late. Too many of the men who have attempted to take things to the next step have only gone straight for the kill, metaphorically speaking, and when turned down, didn’t understand why.
Guys, listen up:
Being considered pretty, or sexy, is nice, but it’s much more important to be seen as worth the effort: the effort to make a date and keep it, or to make contact, or to occasionally offer compliments. When a guy goes just for the goodies, he’s saying, “I find you attractive, but I don’t respect you.” Worse than that, he’s letting you know he has no respect for himself.
If, as Ayn Rand suggests, the person we choose to sleep with is a reflection of our self worth, what does it say if the person doesn’t value themselves enough to put forth at least a little effort?
“The only man capable of experiencing a profound romantic love is the man driven by passion for his work — because love is an expression of self-esteem, of the deepest values in a man’s or a woman’s character. One falls in love with the person who shares these values.”
–From Ayn Rand’s Playboy Interview, 1964
The most important part of this man’s pickup line, was that he told me I was someone to whom he could talk. Not only does he think I’m pretty enough to want to seduce me, but he values my brain, and is willing to put forth the effort to woo me.
So let’s go through the checklist: I’m talking about checking if he is an Intellectual Alpha.
- Intelligent? I think so. For starters, he was smart enough to recognize I had a brain. Not only did he pass the conversation test (One on one conversation for 4 hours, I believe), but as part of the conversation, he commented on how I was probably smarter than most of the people in a particular group that I sometimes I hang out with. Obviously, he was trying to flatter me, and he doesn’t know any of the people in question. When I tried to correct him, he laughed and told me that I should just go with it. He also was able to hold his own in a discussion following one of the movies we saw, one that was particularly psychological in nature. So, as I don’t know him well enough to guesstimate an actual IQ number, I’m going to stick with “I think” he’s intelligent.
- Passionate? Definitely! He has both a day job and a dream job that he aspires to, which he is working steadily on perfecting. It is creative in nature, and from what I’ve seen, he’s got the talent to take it where he wants to go.
- Funny? He made me laugh, so this is a yes. By the end of the four hours, my cheeks hurt from smiling so much. And at one point, he made me laugh, and I put my head down to hide the smile, and he told me not to “lie like that. Don’t smile and then hide it. Guys like me live for that smile.” (The man’s good at this game!)
- Practical? Again, this is to be proven, but I think so. The few times we’ve been out, he has enjoyed himself and had a few drinks, but never to excess, and he seems to keep his partying to the weekends so as to not interfere with work. But that’s all speculation based on a handful of comments… For the time being, definitely going to give him the benefit of the doubt.
- Respectfully forceful? He did politely correct me at one point in the evening. And he made plans for us to go out next Saturday, but was sure to let me know that if I pushed to see him before then, he might have to push it back, just because he could.
So we’ve got a definite 3 out of 5, with the other 2 as strong possibles.
Plus he passed the conversation test, on numerous occasions, but most notably this last time, where we talked for easily 4 hours or so.
But there’s more…
He walked me to my car, and he did kiss me after I was in the car. It was the perfect balance of sweet, sensitive, and hungry. You know, that kind of kiss that makes you feel warm all over? It was enough of a spark that he asked me if I was sure I didn’t want him to come over that night anyway… I reminded him he had a plan, and to stick to that. We all know how important that feeling of anticipation is, and he understands it well. It’s part of how he plays the game, he told me so.
The power struggle with this guy is going to be so much fun! And I certainly hope he wins!