What else is out there?

I’m a bit of a Facebook junkie. I admit it: I love the Buzzfeed quizzes and the cat photos and just about anything George Takei posts. Occasionally, though, I’ll happen upon something that actually has some validity to my life.

FACEBOOK JUNKIE

Enter this article from HelloGiggles.com:

10 Guys Every Girl Should Date Before Getting Married

According to this list, I’m not hitting all the major categories, and some of the guys I’ve dated have fit more than one! So do I go out of my way to complete my own personal list? Is it really necessary to date all of these different types? And what do you actually gain by dating the different types of guys listed here?

I seem to gravitate to 2 types of guys on this list more than the rest. Is that a failing on my part? Let’s look closely at all 10 and see. And actually, I think we can combine a few of the categories…

The Immatures:

These guys aren’t ready for any type of commitment. They have a lot of growing up to do, and their unifying factor is a fear of intimacy with their romantic partner. The inherent problem here is that obviously you are not important to these guys. It comes down to they are scared of that intimacy that is so necessary to get to the next level of dating.

The Mama’s Boy

This guy requires his mother’s blessing for everything, and apparently has a maternal obsession to rival Oedipus. So what is the attraction? They say you can tell a lot about a man based on how well he treats his mother. In theory it is a reflection of how he will treat his spouse, so if you’re looking to be worshiped, this guy might be for you…but you’ll have to wait til his mother passes before your status as goddess can be realized.

I want a guy who wants to be with me, and recognizes that every once in a while, especially like when I was cratering earlier in the year, I need to be the center of attention. I would never be able to stand constantly being second fiddle to my significant other’s mom. On her birthday, during a family crisis, at certain holidays, no problem. But year round? No thank you. I come from a very matriarchal family and observed the stress of being forced to do the bidding of the matriarch. I don’t want to live it…unless I’m the matriarch who’s bidding is being done!

mamas boy

This guy, will always be “Mama’s little boy.” No time/space to have a relationship with you.

The Grouper

This guy is an introvert’s nightmare! He needs his friends around all the time, at the expense of his romantic relationship. I’ve dated this type: the guy who can’t have a conversation with you one on one, but is the life of the party when you go out. If I were a guy, I’d be this type! To some extent, anyway.

When I am this type of person, it’s the fear of getting too close that makes me call my buddies for backup…

Whether it’s a fear of commitment, or an inability to function on his own, this guy isn’t really a keeper. His maturity level isn’t where it needs to be in order to maintain a serious relationship. This type of guy will help you to find the coolest spots to meet people, and he might actually introduce you to some cool people along the way, but since he can’t commit to you, it’s probably best not to get too attached, because he certainly won’t.

The Manchild

You know the type: he’s in his 40’s and still drinks like a Frat boy. He has no long term goals because he still hasn’t figured out what he really wants to do when he “grows up.”

In this situation, you’re dating a Mama’s Boy, but you’ve become the Mama! The only time a relationship with this guy is worth your time is if your looking for no strings attached fun. He’ll show you the best bars, and probably teach you a drinking game or two along the way, but he isn’t responsible enough to seriously date.

The Almost Rights:

There is something about these guys that will make you think you’ve found the one, but they are just not quite the right fit. Maybe it’s them, maybe it’s you, it doesn’t matter; it just won’t work.

The Best Friend

Apparently this is the guy that usually gets dumped because he is nice. He’s the one who gets friend-zoned because he knows all your secrets and is willing to watch chick flicks with you and is super comforting like a best friend should be. So if you’re partner for life is supposed to be your best friend, what’s the problem?

nice-guy

Other than he sounds like your best girlfriend instead of your lover, I guess there isn’t one. Guys who fall into this category tend to complain that “nice guys finish last,” and they live in the friend-zone most of the time. I don’t think it’s their niceness that is their undoing, but that the niceness they are offering isn’t the niceness that most women are looking for. For one thing, I don’t want a guy who likes exactly the same things as me. Where’s the variety? So you have exactly the same interests, and are willing to hold my purse while I shop, and you want to hear all my secrets?

I have guy friends like that, but they’re predominantly gay.

Women want a guy who is nice enough to remember her birthday and to offer a shoulder for her to cry on every once in a while, but who is mean tough enough to display some alpha characteristics. There is still a latent need to be protected that all women have, even if they’re not 100% aware of it. Jerky guys display the confidence of a strong alpha male. Best friend guys scream Beta… The value in this type of guy is to remind you that not all guys are jerks.

The Level-10 Clinger

You are the center of this guy’s world! He needs to be by your side at all times. He can’t make a decision without you. He needs you! He will smother you!

clingy-boyfriend

Who has time for that?

While it is nice in the beginning to get little presents for no reason, to be doted on, and worshiped, it gets old fast. Everyday can’t be a reason for romance. Everyone needs space sometimes.

Admittedly, I’ve been known to get a little clingy when things are going bad in my life. I know I did it a lot before I crashed in March. I needed something stable, and pushed to the point of being obsessive…Not a good thing. As a Gemini, it is not my normal modus operandi. I prefer space, and lots of it. What caused me to become clingy was the need to feel loved and important.

As such, the clingy guy is a good way to come back from being trashed by a Selfish Jerk, or if you’re having a particularly emotional time, and you need the 24 hour support, but only if it doesn’t last too long…

The Career Man

workaholicThe title pretty much says it all: this is a guy who will put his career before EVERYTHING, including you. But, he will make an excellent provider and might be able to provide for you and your family off of his income alone. This guy is a good catch if you want to be a housewife, or a trophy wife, or the non-married version of those things. Or if you are equally as busy.

But if you at all have a need for companionship, this guy won’t be a good match.

The Perfect Guy On Paper

This is the guy that everyone will think is perfect for you, but for some reason, it’s just not there. There’s no spark, or something feels just wrong.

You will probably feel ridiculously guilty about letting this one go. After all, he’s on exactly the same page as you are on just about everything. He has all the qualities you’re looking for, and things seem… Perfect. But they’re not and you don’t know why.

Trust your instinct.


The All About Hims:

These guys tend to think they are better than they are, and as such, they will belittle you. Don’t allow anyone to make you feel like less than you are. If there’s not an equal amount of emotional exchange, let them go!

The Selfish Jerk

Remember the Best Friend Guy? This is his polar opposite. While the BFG remembers the things that are important to you and will have a plethora of inside jokes, this guy probably won’t remember your birthday, even with a Facebook reminder and daily texts the week building up to the day.

The Grouper, when forced into intimacy, can become this guy, but there are just some guys that are naturally jerks. We’re attracted to them because their confidence level screams Alpha male, but they lack the compassion that makes them a viable mate.

But it doesn’t keep us from trying to tame them, though does it?

It will always be about him. He will expect to be worshiped, and then make you feel worthless for doting on him like he obviously needs. His power comes from deserving his confidence enough that we will begin to doubt our own worth. There is something really great about him, that makes us think it’s ok when he starts to sling insults at us because a tiny part of us is honored that he noticed we were even there. And he never realizes his own negative behaviors.

photoshoppedThis type of guy is almost completely bad news. The best thing about them is being able to keep a photo of them to use for bragging rights later. Guys do that sort of thing all the time, and with this type of guy, he probably won’t mind if you proudly show off his photo to your gal pals to let them know you dated that one. In retrospect they can be good for a girl’s self-esteem because she can say she was remarkable enough to get a guy that looked that good, or was that successful… Don’t dwell too much on it, though, or it will have the opposite effect.

The Shelfer

I gravitate towards this type…a lot! After repeated encounters with Selfish Jerks, it’s easy to let this guy come into your life and stay.

breakupJ

This is the guy who keeps you around until something better comes along and then he puts you away (as in “on a shelf”) until that relationship fails. Then he comes racing back to you so you can help him lick his wounds. I gravitate towards this type because I’d rather have someone in my life than be alone sometimes. I also go years and years between relationships sometimes, but every now and then, there’s a guy who I really like, who shows enough interest in me to give me hope, and I latch onto that when he comes around.

It’s not healthy, probably, but if you can disconnect the emotion from the relationship and use good sexeach other, maybe it’s not so bad.

The key is to remember that this type of guy has no qualms about using you as his rebound girl; you shouldn’t be worried about using him the same way. If you can work out a system where it works for both of you, then so be it. Have at it! But, if you’re still holding out hope that he’ll come around… Be wary. It will only end up in heartbreak.

The Practice Husband

The two of you weren’t quite perfect together, but you worked out your differences, got down to the engagement/serious commitment stage, and then BAM! He runs out. This one is going to hurt a lot. It may be that he was being ridiculously selfish and just changed his mind, or it may be that for him you were just perfect on paper. No one will really understand what happened except him, and maybe he won’t get it either!

What+Heartbreak+feels+like_754153_4277143Whatever the situation, he will decide to end it, leaving you heartbroken.

I don’t understand how this is in anyway a positive thing. All the others I can see some sort of value in dating them, but this one… Not only is there no discernible lesson here, but you can’t identify the problem. So, could the only reason to date this guy be to have your heart ripped out of your chest, just so you can experience that before marriage?

I hope this doesn’t happen to anyone!

So that’s the list.

Each type of guy has a lesson attached, and serves a different function. I think there seems to be a logical order in which to date them until you find Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now.

For me, Selfish Jerks and Shelfers fill my dating card most of the time. I probably go back and forth between them. The Jerks kill my self esteem and so I find me a Shelfer to rebound, and we play for a bit until I find the next Jerk to take up some time.

I think we may have just solved the riddle of my unsatisfying love life!

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