The end, part 712.

There is an inherent problem with staying friends with your exes. Especially when you’re not really done having feelings for them.

You get hurt when you think they might be trying to get with someone else.

You get even more hurt when they purposefully compare said new person to you, even when they don’t realize that’s what they’re doing.

You hurt even worse when they begin to tell you all the things that they think you did to ruin the relationship, but won’t acknowledge¬†any of their own faults.

The pain grows when you realize that you were right when you thought they didn’t care about you, because they didn’t really know you.

There has to be an end to this.


This is not healthy. And I need healthy, caring people in my life. People who want to care about me as a person; people who want to know  me as a person.

I need people in my life who want to do things with me; people with whom I actually have things in common.

I need to feel wanted and needed in my relationships, not made to feel bad because I want to know I’m important to your life.

I need people in my life who know when I’m upset that it’s better to ask me what’s wrong than to go hiding in the other room because my tears make them uncomfortable.

I need my heart free so when I do meet my intellectual alpha, he won’t be competing for space with someone who is the¬†emotional equivalent of a sea slug.

I deserve a man in my life who won’t go running from something when things are good and then retroactively accuse me of making him feel trapped.

So, here’s me deleting you out of my life for the 900th time.

Do. Not. Contact. Me. Ever. Again.

You hurt me too much.

And while I wish you would’ve given me a fair chance, I don’t need you anymore.

afraid of losing

I deserve to be happy, and I’m willing to work to make a relationship happen, even if it’s not perfect at the beginning. I’ve just met someone who enjoys the touchy feely kind of relationship. Someone who understands my curiosity. Someone who asked my opinion, and wanted to know what was going on in my head. Someone with a kind heart, and more than one freaking PhD. Someone who passed the conversation test with ease… Let’s see what else he can do.

But it means I can’t have¬†you in my life. Because I will always be comparing, and that’s not fair. I’ll always be wondering, and I shouldn’t. I’ll always miss the guy you were; the one who was kind and thoughtful and fun. That guy has been gone since before I ever started asking the “awkward questions” you were so afraid of. And it wouldn’t be fair to the new guy, the guy who took me on a date and didn’t hesitate to call it one.

This is the end.

For real.

I don’t need you in my life, and I don’t want you there.

 

 

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