I do not think that word means what you think it means.

People seem to think that the word “relationship” must mean a long term love affair between 2 consenting adults… Or at the very least that it means that you’re striving for a long term situation. As in total commitment, and we’ve established in a couple of earlier posts (the one about my nature most notably) that I have a fear of that commitment everyone keeps speaking of.

relationship doesn't mean what you think it means

Relationship means:

  1. a connection, association, or involvement.
  2. connection between persons by blood or marriage.
  3. an emotional or other connection between people; such as that between teacher and student.
  4. a sexual involvement; affair.

Please note, that sexual (i.e. romantic) is the fourth definition, not the first. The first definition just means a connection of some sort, not specifically romantic. It is just a connection between 2 parties.

And when I speak of my relationship with the boy (or the potential new boy who’s popped up recently), that’s what I’m talking about: 2 consenting adults who happen to interact on a slightly (or not so slightly) more personal level.

Would I like more? Eventually.

Am I looking for a ring? Not anytime soon, if ever.

When I vent on here for the whole world to see, I’m doing it because I need a place to think out loud and organize my thoughts about certain situations. Like, am I the one who screwed up? Or am I misinterpreting things? Even if I’ve already made up my mind about what’s going on, it’s good to have some feedback from strangers or people who know a bit about the situation.

Occasionally, I’m trying to get angry or sad or scared thoughts out of my head in a safe place as opposed to doing what I did before and blowing things way, WAY out of proportion.

relationship doesn't mean what you think it means

If the boy happens to read it and see what I’m thinking, that’s kind of a good thing. It saves me from trying to explain it, which I’m apparently not that good at when I’m emotional. Which is a lot. I am an emotional person…

I do have my reasons for my emotional state:

  1. I’m a girl, and as much as I wish that particular stereotype weren’t true, we are particularly emotional creatures.
  2. I’ve always been someone who felt my emotions all the way through. When I’m happy, I’m elated. When I’m sad, my world is falling apart. There’s not really a middle ground.

No, I’m not bipolar, just… a little dramatic. I was a theatre major for a while, and it fit me well. And I do my best not to subject the people around me to my world crumbling lows. Sometimes I can’t help it.

relationship doesn't mean what you think it means

But I try.

So, why do I refer to him as “the boy” if I’m not in a traditional, committed, marriage track kind of relationship with him? Because all the guys in my life (especially the ones who I’m a bit closer to than others) are “the boy.”

The boy I dated last summer turned out to be just a boy mentally. Or there was that first boy who hurt me so bad when I was in college. Or the boy who gave me my first piece of jewelry. Or the boy who proposed on Valentine’s Day.

They were all “the boy.”

If dating is a way to find your idea of the “one”, they all become variations of that “one guy.” I say “boy” because I think it’s cute. So every guy I’ve ever dated, and every guy I’ve ever sized up to see what made him tick, and every guy who’s ever made an impression on me,even not romantically, are all facets of that “one boy,” the one who (if I ever overcome my fear of commitment) will be the one I decide to keep forever, the one who completes me and puts my soul at ease.

relationship doesn't mean what you think it means

I’m sorry if I offended anyone with the phrase “boy” or if there was any confusion about whom I was speaking. There’s nothing here that I haven’t said to his face. Well, maybe not some of the poetry… but those were those extremes where I was trying to get the emotions out before I jumped to negative conclusions.

So thank you for your concern and comments! Sorry I haven’t kept my new posting schedule this week. I was hit with the mother of all stomach bugs on Sunday and it threw some of my other health problems out of whack. (FYI I have a bad ticker… my heart’s not great, but I’m trying to do some things to make it better)

Also sorry I didn’t make my Pi day deadline of posting pics of my nice clean apartment… Next week is Spring Break here, so I’ll do what I can to make that dream come true.

Until then, ladies and gentlemen, be sure to use your words correctly, please. Connotation is important, but there was an original definition, and sometimes, just sometimes, people use the words to mean the same as the actual denotative definition.

relationship doesn't mean what you think it means

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