It’s amazing what good news and sunshine will do for the soul! I have been dreading my job, to the point of missing work due to panic attacks the last few days. I was ready to pack it in and quit because I felt like everyone must know about how bad things were, and what a failure I was as a teacher. And I was wrong! (Been a bit of that going around lately…)
Turns out that my administrators didn’t think there was a problem because I quit going to talk to them. I quit going to to talk to them because nothing seemed to be getting better, even when I went to talk to them.
I wonder how that happened…
Oh yeah, I was in a deep dark funk because everything in my life seemed to be headed in a dark place. Or maybe I was just fed up with teaching because now teaching is the equivalent of a juvenile prison guard. Or possibly I hate teaching to the test, but that’s all my job is anymore.
Maybe it was a little of all three… The world may never know.
This morning, I spoke with my principal (the BIG boss) and suddenly everyone’s jumping to help. I’ve had more administrators in my classroom in the last 2 hours than I have in the last month. One even stayed to observe how the class was.
The kids didn’t know what her official title was, so they were on better behavior, but not the BEST behavior; they reserve the absolute best behavior for when their AP’s come in, the ones that can give them detention or suspend them (they observed for a little bit, then left).
So this administrator, who the kids only barely recognized walks in with her computer to observe and see how things go. She also had work to do, and was under the impression that she would be able to do it while helping me with my Hell class…
Oh silly woman! You can’t do work with my Hell class all around you! I can barely speak over them most days, and I project at theater volume to try and get their attention.
But she gave it a valiant effort. Working, and then occasionally redirecting the kids that I didn’t quite get to. As I was telling them where to
shove turn in their assignment, the bell rang. As they were leaving, she looked at me and sighed and asked:
“Are they always this bad?”
Oh sweetie, they were on their GOOD behavior for you!
So now, they’re getting me an assistant, and changing the horrendously spread out tables for nice, compact desks, and we’re going to try to salvage the rest of the year.
I’m still not 100% certain I’m not going to jump ship, but I’m more inclined to wait and try to finish out the year than I was just yesterday. We’ll see if they actually come through on the things they’ve said they’ll do to help.
Yeah I know it’s not likely. Seriously, though, if it’s more empty promises, I’m not staying around ’til the end of the year.