This is NOT a new post! I just realized I’d done it in the wrong format. If you haven’t read it before, please enjoy. If you have, my feelings won’t be hurt if you skip it. 😉
Sometimes my brain goes to a dark place, especially when I’m sad about certain things. Or confused. I’ve been under a lot of stress lately, and thinking the worst about things I probably shouldn’t. This is the result. Please feel free to comment. I love feedback on creative works.
The smell of you awakens in me a primal urge
A thirst only you can sate
But you keep me at arm’s length.
Arms that I feel, strong and firm
I feel the tenderness in your touch when you wrap your arms around me
I feel the warmth of your hand as it grasps mine in your sleep
I feel the moistness of your breath on my cheek
I feel the pain that will come because it will not last.
Miles and states away with land and water between us,
I feel you
The emptiness from your absence leaves an ache
In the center of me
And yet I cannot speak these words for fear that
You will run
Run, screaming into the underbrush
Hiding from something that
In your mind
Should Not Be.
I cannot reconcile this for you.
I cannot change myself for you.
I cannot be someone else for you
No matter how hard I try
And oh, how I try.
I try to know you even though I haven’t
To learn you.
To learn who you are;
What makes you tick.
The tick tock of hours past,
Hours I did not have
To form memories
To create bonds.
Hours that someone else had
Hours that someone else will have
Because I am trying to catch up to
Where you’ve gone.
The conversations you will not have
Leaves me talking to myself.
I must fill in your half of a conversation
In my head.
I think too much.
Live in my head, too much.
Logic and emotion fight to see the
Of what could be.
Logic sees ruin.
After much attempt at analysis
with data missing
Or not translatable
All I see is failure.
You cannot trust me to tell me
What I need to know
You do not feel
That I need to know.
You cannot see that it hurts me
Not to know.
Emotion sees beauty.
Feeling the way you touch me
Hearing how you speak to me
All I see is the wonderful
That could be sometime
When we learn to speak the same
Or speak to each other
It is still
Only half of a
Your words are absent.
Your feelings are unknown.
You are nothing but a figment of my imagination.
A thing made up.
Made up of all the things
Or thought I did.
I still see hope,
Though I should know better
Dreams are only good while sleeping.
Waking to find someone else
Living in your heart
Is just a variation on the same old theme.
The music is not new.
The words are just as stale.
And I know how this melody ends.
The fact that she knows your secrets
And you will not tell them to me
My heart sings the lament for
Will Not Be
While my brain searches for
The right mix of logic and emotion
To Keep me afloat.
I cannot keep giving in
Giving up parts of myself
I am full of holes,
And somehow it is my fault.
Always my fault.
All my life,
Why should this be any different?