Approximately 12 hours ago, I wrote a post. I shouldn’t have done so, especially not so late at night at the end of a traumatic weekend.
At 9:30ish last night, amidst the worry about my car (that isn’t really my car), the worry about going back to work (is anyone ever truly ready for the vacation to end?), and the worry about my family issues (too many to go into at the moment), I fell prey to an overwhelming sense of defeat. I shouldn’t have worried.
Now, 12 hours later, the car trouble seems like it’s going to miraculously fix itself (Mom’s working on a solution), my boss basically told me I’m doing a good job and he’s not worried about me (if he’s not worried, why should I be?), and the family issues still loom (they always do) but less so.
On that note, thank you to one of my co-workers who helped me to see that the guilt trips I was getting from my mother weren’t actually for me, but to make her feel better. Once I stop engaging in the guilt trips, and quit taking them personally, they will begin to fade. The person giving the guilt trips will no longer get what they need from the guilt trip, and I’ll be free from the anxiety and self-doubt that goes along with them.
The lesson here, or at least the lesson I’m taking from this, is don’t worry! A little bit of faith, and a lot of consideration, can fix almost all things. I had faith that it would somehow work out, although last night, that sense of faith was waning
a bit a lot. The consideration comes from both my interactions (or lack thereof) with my mother and her chosen solution to the problem. By being considerate of my mother’s need to be angry, but not letting it affect me, and her consideration of my feelings on the matter, a solution is at hand.